but
my mother picked me up in her car
rather than meeting for dinner
she parked
I opened the door
and then I put my hand up in the door frame
to kind of brace myself
because she has an SUV
and I find it awkward
to get in or out
but
as I put my hand in the door frame
up where the top of the window would be
I had a memory
something I haven't thought about in years
when I was
I'm not sure
seven, maybe
I was getting into the car
I was in the car
I had my hand in roughly the same position
she slammed the door shut
slamming my hand in the locked door
got half way around the car
heard my screams
had to come back around
unlock the door
open it
maybe
maybe only one finger was caught
that's not how I remember it
but
only one finger was damaged
she took me to the doctor
and the doctor was all like
well, that was close
you just missed the growth center
then her finger
would have stayed that size
forever
I always kinda grouped this
with my other finger injury
my childhood emergency room visit
other hand, though
maybe a year before
or less
I had been sitting on a
folding wooden stool
left hand this time
in the works
and it collapsed
not latched correctly
or whatever
anyway
it wasn't broken
but
I did have a blood clot under the nail
and they had to drill a hole in it
left pointer finger
it kinda hurt
and it smelled
when they drilled the hole
I got a wonder woman comic book
for being so brave
and it was fine
I lumped them together
my whole life
first digit injury
left, right
but
tonight
for some reason
they differentiated
because
suddenly
it was
she didn't look
she didn't check
she didn't ask
everything inside
suddenly
it was slamming the door
to make sure it was shut good
so it wouldn't whistle
or make a noise
or whatever
but
not
to make sure I didn't
shut myself into the door
it was overwhelming
and
I'd never had that thought before
and
I posted this
and
then realized
you won't know
the wonder woman comic
that was Deborah
