thoughts off the grid

you know
i always have it in my mind
that i could build, like a log cabin, or something
because
i helped put in the floor
and
stucco the walls
of the renaissance festival booth
i didn't build it though

i've never
for example
changed a washer

and
although
i love electric drills
and drill presses
and even
oxy-acetylene welding rigs

i'm generally pretty uncomfortable
with saws

my dad had a friend who cut off three of his fingers
working with a circular saw [i think]
and they sewed em back on
but he lost the knuckles
and it just gave me the jinkies

like when my mom was trying to teach me to sew
i wanted to learn to sew
i wanted to design my own clothes
but
i was ten years old
and she started with all her relatives
and the various accidents they had acquired
like in sweat shop accidents, or whatever
and even though it was a treadle machine
i just couldn't get past it

it would have been better
much better
if she pointed out dangers
as they came up
and not in a you could be maimed format
but
there you go

i don't know if i really have the skills
for this old house
or log cabin woman power

but
i always think i do
but, i don't know
as long as i've got youtube, maybe

i calibrated and cleaned the machines at the coffee shop
but, it wasn't that easy for me

the training was with one of those handy types
who pretty much said
just take it apart and see what looks wrong
right
i don't have that kind of affinity for machinery, generally

i mean, i get it, i have that sort of affinity for other things
machines just aren't like that for me

taking them apart, no prob
cleaning them, cool
putting them back together so they are calibrated properly
i figure
takes me three to four times as long as it should
and there is always cussing
sometimes
there is also screaming
tears
and praying
those aren't altogether unheard of

i tended to balance this by doing that whole process
less frequently than recommended
they say
clean and calibrate the grindmaster every week
but
those things are work horses
unless you're doing nyc business
it could probably go two months

we have some where i work now
no body even knows they should be cleaned and calibrated
and they haven't been
for at least four years

i've debated with myself whether i would fix one
if it should go down
probably not
i've stopped fixing the toilets
they don't pay me for that
they don't even thank me

what i learned about being a manager is that
when it all becomes your responsibility
you develop magical powers
suddenly
your like:
no, don't call the tech, just unplug it and let it dry out
it'll be fine
no, i cannot afford the $200 facilities fee for the plumber again
i can make this stupid flushing device work
no, do not call the plumber
just use a fucking plunger in the floor drain
works every time


i'm not sure why i'm telling you this stuff
you probably want to have more story
or freeplay
or dreams
or sexy talk

and
it's not that i don't want to give you what you want
but
i woke up with an awful sinus pressure headache
and
i'm not feelin with the sexy, right now
and
i don't guess the book is ever gonna be real time
i just have to think about it too much
but
i did think i'd have more freeplay by now