i'm not going to write you fiction tonight, tonight i'm going to write drunk ramblings

i've had this crazy fantasy, lately
slow dancing with you
just holding you and swaying

i don't know

i don't know why that's what i want

i don't remember the last time i did that with anyone

maybe i'm just feeling
sentimental

i know
maybe
all the things you might want me to know
but

don't quit me
i'm a little drunk

my resolution is always to drink more
but i bought an enormous bottle when i had my little break down
years ago
and it's still almost full
and today
i had the lowest threshold pain day i can remember
like for months
i frlt able to walk to the mexican restaurant after working all day
less pain than i had been having after only a couple hours working
and i got the fancy floated shot margaritas

i thought about july july
and i still don't think i'm like those people
but
i tell you
that chronic pain was getting to me
and
i ate some flour tortilla chips
and
if i wake up in pain tomorrow
that'll be the end of wheat
and
i still miss chicken

and
it's happy happy blood time
and i'm sobbing at true blood
which is especially good this season
but i don't think i'm current yet

i guess it's mortality i'm feeling
thinking about the mid-wilshire hotel where i stayed
those times i was there
rooms open with keys
and the times i've imagined living there
winning the lottery
spending six months writing in a mid century modern hotel
kinda dingy
and
seriously you probably don't approve of mid-wilshire

but
there is a part of my brain
that equates it to the long ass street in my town
where my life has seemed to center
in one way and another
for a lot of my life
and
wilshire is the only place i've really felt comfortable
like
it's safe you know
within the city proper

i don't really know what i'm talking about
i don't know
if doors are opening
or closing
as long
as my mother
is never right
i'm okay

i love you
and i am imagining
the way you arms feel
the way you press against me
the touch of your lips
warm and moist against mine

things aren't complicated, and expensive

there's you and me
dancing in the moonlight
there's the dancing
and the making love, after
and
in my fantasy
there's the sleeping, your arms around me
like i've never done with anyone else
there's the waking up
together
and how you look in the moments between sleep and waking

and
all the reasons
that probably won't happen
just don't matter to me right now

tonight
you belong to me