maybe it's pms
but i'm not sure
i'm off cycle again, i think
maybe
it's trying to re calibrate
so that it'll be at the right place at the right time
or
maybe not
maybe i'm just a little late
but
there's a desperate angst
that has no real source
i'm trying to decide between going out and trying to have an adventure
or
staying in and trying to have an inner journey
i tweaked my back a little sleeping
it's just like a back rib attachment or something
i've been trying to stretch it
and it's better
but
maybe it would be easier to fix
if it were like a pop-able situation
i wish
there was some big insight coming
i paid money to get my chart done
and i'm kind of regretting it
i haven't got it yet
but she asked these questions
which i answered, vaguely
unconventionally
and then
in the notes
i felt compelled to add:
i feel weird about telling you all this stuff. i don't want
personal advice on how to handle my freaky life-style choices. i
feel like my life is about to shift somehow, but i don't know how.
maybe i'm still just having a mid-life crisis or maybe there's
something cosmic going on. i want to know which way the wind is
blowing, if that makes sense. am i in a saturn return? is there some
area i should be working on? what resonates for me? and i'm not
sure what period of time we will be talking about here. i just felt
like i was supposed to get a reading from you at this particular
point in time. does that make sense?
because it's been like a month
of email and waiting
and
blah blah blah
and
i no longer feel like it was a good idea
but it did seem like something i was supposed to do
at the time
i was talking to the guy who said before i'm like yoda
about jehovah witnesses
and
in the course of door to door missionaries
i brought up mormons
but
i told him
i think the function
within the organization is totally different
of the mission, i mean
mormons have a brief period of mission
between high school and college
and it is my belief
that this serves
more to cement them
get the desire to question
out of their heads
so that
when they rejoin mormon society
they are cleared to move up the chain
and learn whatever all those
levels of secrets are
also
that it has an
us against them
effect
kinda like
[i'm not implying an us against them mentality in pesach]
how
at pesach you are supposed to experience "i was a slave in egypt"
the mission
psychologically reinterprets
and the end of the mission reenacts
the symbolic journey to the great salt lake
and
i didn't go into that much depth
but
it didn't seem all that complicated or deep
but
he said:
wow, you really think about the psychology of things
which, i guess, means that other people don't
so
i guess
we'll see
sometimes
when i'm all cryptic and not up
i feel like it's better for me not to talk to you
because
i believe you have certain things you need from me
and i try very hard to give them to you
and
i don't really feel like this is what you want/need
maybe i'm wrong
