this might be interesting, or it might not

i look for signs

and
really
i think they are better
when taken
as they occur

naturally
or whatever

but
sometimes
okay
maybe often
i try to ask for signs

which is one thing
when i'm asking for a sign
but
is a different sort of thing
when i'm saying something like:
if x is true
then show me a pregnant woman in a pink shirt
if y is true
then show me someone in a buc-ee shirt

and then i see a pregnant woman
in a burgundy shirt
and i'm like:
hey, that's not really pink
so then i see one in a sort of mauve sweater
and i'm like:
that's not really pink either
and i picture the pink in my head
and then i see a pregnant woman
in exactly that shade of pink
and i'm all like:
good that thing i wanted to be true
is so totally true

and then two days later
i see a tween in a buc-ee shirt
and i'm like:
crap
i can't remember what that was supposed to mean
but i think it was somehow contradictory to the pink shirt thing
and i mean
the pink shirt thing was
about my being able to have a baby
and the buck-ee shirt was somethin to do with beaver
but i can't remember what
and
there was a canadian coin with a beaver on it too
so
does that constitute sign of the beaver
or what

and then i have to
stop
and wonder if i'm all crazy and shit
but if you're worried about it
then you're not
right
whatever
crazy
not crazy
i just really want to remember what the buc-ee shirt means