there were a lot of bits and pieces
some i don't remember well
some were conversations
some might not seem to fit together
but i will try to represent
i went into one of those little garden sheds
the kind you see done up as studios
behind larger houses
only i was renting this one
or maybe just thinking of renting it
i'm not sure
but
a man i've loved for a long time
came in right behind me
there were small windows 360 degrees around
i was so happy to see him
i hugged him
but i didn't hug him normally
i wrapped my arms around him, then released, then again
trying to memorize the feel of him
from as many different angles as possible
then we kissed
and i'm not sure who started it
but it took me by surprise
and i was briefly irritated with myself
because, with the hugging, i guess i had started, slightly
to salivate and so i was going in wetter than was best
also, since it took me by surprise, i felt
too tentative, all wrong pressure-wise
i was screwing up here
and then
it was like the breakers
and i didn't have any meta-thought left
my alarm went off
i went back to sleep
i kept trying to get back to that
but
i was a reporter
i was researching some religion or secret society
some of this was done on the web
the gathering of background information
these rituals took place on the tops of skyscrapers
uniformly in white fabric tents of a particular type
this type of tent
was also used for hotel-like housing at some resorts
and all that was known about the religious ceremonies
was what had either been witnessed from the outside, or
had been revealed by guests, visitors who were uninitiated
so i knew, for example that their decor favored the smaller
loin type kuba cloths
but not, for example, why
so i was staying at one of these tent resorts
and i liked the tent
but it didn't seem all that secure
so i couldn't leave any of my research there
i had to carry everything with me
and i went to a building that i knew had one of these tents
on the roof, and i tried to pry information about it's use
could i rent it for a party
was it used for employee functions
i got information
but she wasn't telling me the truth
and when i started to walk out a side door suddenly
right by where my car was parked, she stopped me, as though
this door was a safety risk to me, which i thought was odd
until i went outside and found that the side panel
had been removed, the axle disassembled
everything taken from the back of the car
well, i'd call AAA tomorrow, the car could just stay here tonight
i went back to my tent which was close enough to walk
it was dark and a little scary, but i didn't seem to be worried
about my safety back at the resort
then
i think i was in another country
everything seemed a little more primitive than usual
and i was absolutely starving
i opened up a small can
because there were cans of food in the room where i was
but either there wasn't a way to cook food
or i was just too hungry to think about that
and anyway canned food is cooked by definition
i started to eat the contents
and they were the most delicious thing i had ever tasted
if that gives you any idea how hungry i must have been
it was corn kernels with some spice and bits of something
and then i went out to meet my contacts
they were sitting on large carts
clearly meant to be pulled by something
camel maybe
and on the carts there were bricks of something
compressed something in brick form, i mean, not building bricks
there were three carts piled dangerously high with them
and the guy who was speaking for the contacts
took one of the bricks and cut into it to show me the center
and he said: this is the stuff
and it was yellow
and kind of granular
i'm not sure what it was supposed to be
but
it kind of looked like corn meal
