And my dad did kind of abandon me
After I moved out
But that was more like I had abandoned him and he just wouldn't get over it and
So I don't know if it was fair to say that my mother's dynamic was more damaging
I do think that's correct but I think I made it sound like my father was better than it was
Also in fairness I think you've had plenty of opportunities to see me not be fun so I didn't mean to make it sound like you just kept me around for your entertainment so if that's what it sounded like then I'm sorry that wasn't right
I understand that there's a give and take that needs to exist between people in a relationship and that it isn't right for me to be just quiet off the radar for days at a time
But I have this kind of in grained resistance to the idea that I have to be the one to always be entertaining people and that that's all just expected of me and when I'm not completely in my right mind it's really easy for me to be a little hair trigger about that
Which starts this whole negative cascade which I can't believe you haven't witnessed before although this may be different or worse in some ways and certainly the fact that we haven't seen each other in so long makes things a little strange and other ways as well
So I'm sorry that I'm being a bad girlfriend
It's not that I don't care about being a good girlfriend
It's just some sort of personal version of resting b**** face or something hormones or personality change or I don't know what's wrong with me
Anyway all this is just to say good morning I guess
I love you
I don't find this kind of conversation fun
So I have a hard time imagining that you want a lot of this
I did not sleep well
I overslept after I finally got to sleep
And now I'm running behind
I have a milk recommendation
Good karma unsweetened flax milk plus protein is really good
In coffee I mean I don't know how it is just drunk as a glass of milk cuz ick I never do that
