i've been going to the studiob

but

i haven't been painting

she's got me photographing things

and

i didn't go today, but next time

i'm rehanging things

getting ready for the open studio

she's quite suddenly decided

She's selling her house and moving to an independent living rental in the retirement community over by the Astrodome

I'm not sure exactly what has precipitated this

I mean she's hated that house ever since she moved into it I think that was almost 20 years ago

She goes back and forth about how she wants to sell it and then she doesn't want to sell it and then she wants to sell it

But her neighbor wants to buy it for a variety of reasons that I won't go into that's going to be a lot easier for her and they've got where they had offers out on other houses and so I think she decided that if she wants them to buy it then she has to sell it now because now is when they're doing it

But also when she went to her doctor the last time he told her that she's leaking out of multiple valves of her heart and in a few years she might have to have heart surgery

Well she's 78 so I don't know how much sense it makes for her to have heart surgery in a few years I mean I'm not saying it would make sense for her to have it now but I mean it would seem like that's not a real good risk

And so she may have decided that she's only got a few years left and she may as well

So I went over and looked at it with her it's a house it's about 1500 square feet and it's independent living so it doesn't give her quite the safety net I was led to believe

But like if something is broken we're not working she can call maintenance people the yard work is covered there's the nursing home campus that she can go to for classes and movies and all kind of things she's got 12 meals a month included and if she wants additional meals she can go to their cafeteria thing and pay or she can have them delivered for an extra $3

I've kind of mixed feelings

I mean I don't really want to live in her house it's not a house I ever lived in or that I have any personal affection to but I did always kind of think that at the very least it was going to be a house

So I don't know

I guess if she sells the house and she spends up all the money it was her money and she doesn't know me a house

And if it gets sold now that makes the amount of stuff I have to deal with after she dies less I guess

What I'm trying to encourage is that we just move the stuff to the house that she actually needs and wants to have in the house so that it's like a normal house rather than moving all of the stuff that's in the house currently to the new house because it doesn't make any sense for her to sell the s***** house to move to the rental house and have it be s***** too if she's going to spend up all the money then at least she should have a nice place you know so that she can have lived in a nice place you know

I don't know if I'll be able to convince her to get rid of the extra stuff or not but if it can at least go to storage so that it's not in the place she's living I think that's still an improvement

And although I'm not super gung-ho on this rental house it does have kind of my dream kitchen

So I was thinking maybe I could like go once a week and precook meals for her or something

Because I keep you know finding out things like she doesn't really cook at home because she doesn't like to cook and she actually doesn't have an oven she has a crock pot and she has a electric skillet and she has a toaster oven so I mean she could cook she's got devices she could cook with but she doesn't apparently cook she just eats yogurt and cheese and fruit and whatever kind of thing she buys at the store and then when she gets bored with that she goes and has Mexican food or barbecued ribs

Which you know I don't think is really and truly the healthy diet she's billing it to be

But I'm about to have to be very involved in clearing out her house and getting her moved and all that kind of stuff which is going to be I think a little bit of a nightmare

So none of that has really been anything I have felt like I wanted to talk about

But maybe this will work out better than my having to move in with her and take care of her maybe if she's moving on to the property of the retirement home maybe she's planning to just move into the retirement home at whatever point she isn't able to take care of herself I don't know

I think we've been getting along pretty well though I guess

I love you

I realize I haven't been talking a lot

I'm part of that is because I've been very preoccupied with this stuff

That I haven't had any desire to talk about whatsoever

Then I've also been thinking

Maybe the reason you didn't look at me wasn't because you were afraid someone would notice you looking at me

Maybe you were trying to punish me for not going to Colorado

That isn't something I thought about initially or for all this time but then I got to thinking about my father and how he would do things and that made me think about it

Anyway I don't know

The anxiety is better I think

But there is some depression

I haven't really felt much like talking I guess

And there's war again

The cat had to go to the vet yesterday he was scratching really badly even though he's gotten anti flea drops he ripped a big hole in his neck well not a big hole but he cut himself up pretty bad and then that healed up but he licked all the hair off of a big swath of his neck

Plus he's been itching and licking manically I wasn't sure what to think You know don't see how it can be fleas when he's gotten the flea drops and this vet that I've been going to for a few years now it's much closer to me than the one I was going to and there are three women vets

but I don't believe that I've seen this particular one before and the other one I really liked her because she was very no nonsense and she would just come tell her how it was you know but this one was a little bit I don't know it's hard to describe she seemed a little bit scatterbrained and flighty and she was listening to me but she wasn't listening to me and she says it's for sure fleas but I just don't see how that's possible

At any rate he had his yearly shots and old cat blood work now he isn't old but you know you got to start that thing before they get to be all broke down and his numbers don't seem to indicate that he's having any sort of

Crap we were just talking about it the other day and I can't remember what's called now That's just great maybe I'm getting senile

Anyway he's not having any kind of organ failure some of the stuff I was reading on online seemed to indicate that that itchiness can be food allergy although I certainly would not have thought that but it would seem like at least some of his numbers would be elevated

He has gained like 2 lb in the last year from all the dry food

The weather keeps changing back and forth and I keep having headaches and I'm tired and I'm not sure on my attitude is all that good

But I haven't had the heart palpitations anymore which is good The homeopathic stuff works

Seems to have gotten kind of late

Probably going to go to sleep pretty soon

goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much 💋