goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart

I love you

very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

Today

was like a lost weekend

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart

I love you

very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

gonna sleep a bit

I love you very much sweetheart 💋

I had a bad dream

I was working at I think it was a coffee shop

No I had a bunch of weird life stuff happen that I can't remember

And I ended up somehow I think taking Bob back home but I don't understand I don't remember the context for that

But it was to the house that I used to live in with my mom and Bob when I was a teenager and an early 20s

And then I had to go to work I realized I had to go to work and I was looking at a schedule and I thought I had worked the whole schedule for the week but the previous Saturday

And I'm not sure what day we were on now

And it wasn't on the schedule so I'm not sure how I knew when I was supposed to be there

But the previous Saturday apparently I was supposed to work at 2:00 had two shifts on two different schedules so maybe I was working at two different branches

But the first shift was from 8:00 to 10:15 in the morning I was supposed to work the Christmas parade and then from 10:00 until I don't know 2:00 or something I was supposed to work at the other location

But somehow even though it was printed on the schedule I hadn't known about it and hadn't gone

and then again I don't know how I knew what time I was supposed to be there that day

But I figured I was supposed to be there like that particular minute like there was no way for me to get there on time so I was going to be late and I hadn't worked on Saturday so was there even any point in my going or was I just fired

So I walked out and then my car was not there

Oh I forgot as I walked down the stairs this thing's weird round bug thing was laying on the floor and then it jumped up and landed on my leg and was stinging and burning me and it had suckers and so I had a hard time getting it off my leg but I pride it off and then I went outside and my car wasn't there

So I came back in and I knocked on the door and for some reason I was going back down the stairs Bob came out and he was in his underwear

And I was like could you just give me a ride to work it's just down the street it won't take very long at all and he just kind of stared at me and I'm like I'm supposed to be there now

And he's like well can't you take a bus or something and I'm like well yes but then I'll be really really late and he's like well that's just kind of the way things work I guess and he went back inside

I did that round bug soccer thing stole me again and I pride it off and I went back outside and I was like and I think I was kind of hurrying because I didn't know whatever it was to fly after me and sting me again because now my leg really hurt

But I got outside and I looked down at my clothes and I was not in dress code

I had on an olive drab skirt which maybe if somebody was wanting to be super too perflexible they might have let pass for khaki but probably not

But then the shirt I had on was this kind of warm brownie peachy cognac kind of color there's no way that would be allowed to pass

But there was also a whole other section where there had been an event the year before not like an event at the coffee shop but like an event where these people I don't know did they come into the coffee shop I don't know I don't know what the event was

But there were a bunch of baseball players and they were supposed to be coming back hey do you remember me from last year something I don't know I don't understand why I was texting him I don't know if I was trying to flirt with him or if I was trying to sell him something if I was trying to get a job I don't know I had some ulterior motive but I don't remember what it was but it was weird I don't know how I had their numbers

So that at the end I was like

I was going to be super late and they were at least two shifts that I hadn't previously shown up for and I was going to be out of dress code and it was just should I bother to go just so I can get fired

It was kind of upsetting

But the thing is is that I didn't really want to work there and I wasn't all that upset about getting fired

I don't know it wasn't a good dream but I'm very kind of discombobulated if I had hurts and I'm super congested and I didn't even take any melatonin

and

i was up all night

i can't even tell you what i was doing

except masking

and picking my face

and washing my face

and moisturizing my face

i'm listening to a scandi noir novel

called the dogs of riga

by henning mankell

it took me a long time to get into it

but then i was thinking i was all in

but

then the author made me totally say

nope nope nope i'm not buying this at all

and i'm back out again

it's the weirdest headspace

i don't think i'm gonna read any more from this author

at least not soon

i may try another scandi noir

but then again

i may not

wow

now someone's car alarm is going off

i really need to go to bed

i love you very much sweetheart

goodnight

 also eyes, generally

but the color of your eyes is very unusual

very very cool brown almost a hint of very dark water

hofheinz pavilion was very cool

it's not, apparently, called that anymore

i guess i'm old

they've renamed everything i grew up calling everything

i registered there

i did drop and add there several times

i even walked graduation there

i never saw a game

i think i might have been entitled to some number of free tickets

at least the first few years

it was a commuter campus

and i was for sure a commuter student

working and going to school

i never saw any sports game ever from 1985-1994

i'm trying to remember what i did see

i remember going to hear terry gilliam talk about brazil

i remember going to some blaffer gallery shows

but not what they were

i remember seeing a fair number of classical music recitals

i heard susan sontag talk about aids metaphors

but that was at rice

and i didn't get to see her

because my aunt joan was in the hospital at that time

i went to see her first and told her when i had to leave, and why

but she was very passive aggressive at that time

and made me be late

so i had to sit in the whatever they call it room with a speaker

i heard it

she was pretty amazing

i used to get elevator sick

not for a couple stories

but the hospitals have like a bunch of stories

and i used to beg her to let me do all the errands at once

so i wouldn't get sick

but she always made me do like three different trips

anyway

i got over the elevator sickness

so all's well that ends well, i guess

i'm confident i did more than that

extra curricular on campus

but

once i left for the day i didn't come back

and i very rarely went to campus if i didn't have class that day

so

i really didn't get that movie version college experience

it was mostly classes

and library

i loved that library

my alarm just went off

and i took three melatonin again

maybe tonight i will sleep through

or only get up once

that would be awesome

i have lovely dark circles under my eyes

and i don't usually

goodnight sweetheart

i love you very much

i love your facial expressions

i went to the studio

i cleaned things up and rearranged some stuff

i beat the rain

it freaks me out to drive in rain

ptsd from earlier life flooding stuff

i drove nine miles there

and nine miles back

have a good time tonight

i'll write more later

fourth time

Third time waking up

I was in bed a lot of the day with a migraine

I was supposed to go to the studio

But I worked it out with her that I can go tomorrow by myself

So I have to go to bed early so I can get up early so I can go by myself and get stuff done

So I'm going to go to sleep now hopefully

I took 9 mg melatonin

Which is three melt away tablets

So I took that almost an hour ago and I'm starting to feel a little loopy

I normally take one

Sometimes I take two

But I thought maybe if I took three it would actually put me to sleep

I love you very much sweetheart 💋

goodnight

i haven't been talking

and i think maybe you want me to talk

i think maybe i might be a little mood swingy

or really

it's more like

air and water are different realities

and i'm bobbing over under over under thinking i breathe one and then the other

my mother signed an apparently not really binding contract to sell her house to the neighbor

now the guy from the retirement place is AWOL incommunicado

she specifically didn't want to go to the studio today

until last night

when her plans for her friend turned out to be wrong day

and then she wanted me to finish hanging everything today

i was going to go to be early

i set an alarm

i was going to drive myself

i did go to bed between 11:30 and 12:00

i slept super soundly until about 4:00

then could not go back to sleep until 7:00

then could not wake up till 10:30

i thought

i am not moving fast and she's supposed to be here at 12:30

she didn't come till 1:15 and we didn't get there till 2:00

then

then she said she had a mind hive zoom that evening

and we had to leave at 4:00

i'm not sure if she's losing her marbles

or

if she's just slightly more annoying than usual

anyway, it's mostly done

i've been irritable

mildly aggressive, i think

but i've completely changed the novel

it sounded too crazy

too personal

now it's sort of set in the metaverse

or at least a more pumped up virtual world

the main character is (i think) named Lucky

she is a sort of psychic sort of influencer

advice columnist

law of attraction - manifestation coach

whatever kind of thing

and somehow she ends up solving mysteries

i'm still having some trouble working that out

where is the mystery coming from

what is the mystery

but she still has the reality tv girl on the boat

and the girl building the cult in the desert

but

they are friend clients now

they are currently world building elements

but they are mysteries in book two and three

book one is going to center on the No. 5 Muncheee

which is the virtual edible shack

not just thc, every kind of health and mood altering thing is possible

you talk to the avatars

U-me Atchu and Ty[irie]Ne

and then it's delivered to you by drone

but they talk to a lot of people in the area

and they know what's going on

mr sluggo might be virtual

or he might be all in her head

but he definitely leaves her slug trail notes

since it's Lucky--  LVCCI [i might think of something better] LuckE

i'd like to work jack in there mysteriously, somehow

also, is there a funkier way to spell jack-- J@K, J^K

i might change these names

but i feel pretty good about U-me Atchu and Ty[irie]Ne

U-me is small and about half anime

Ty is tall, enby and their hair looks like weed dreds

i don't think i'm anywhere near my right mind

and

i'm not going to be able to be there

but

i do love you very much

Nineteen years

goodnight sweetheart

I'm going to bed now

I love you

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

I love you sweetheart

I should have gone to bed 4 hours ago

I fell down a rabbit hole

goodnight 💋

I love you

I'm going to bed now

goodnight sweetheart 💋

goodnight sweetheart

I'm going to bed

I love you

very much 💋

I love you sweetheart

I'm going to bed now

I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart

i love you very much 

goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much 💋

pancreatitis

that's what it's called

 i've been going to the studiob

but

i haven't been painting

she's got me photographing things

and

i didn't go today, but next time

i'm rehanging things

getting ready for the open studio

she's quite suddenly decided

She's selling her house and moving to an independent living rental in the retirement community over by the Astrodome

I'm not sure exactly what has precipitated this

I mean she's hated that house ever since she moved into it I think that was almost 20 years ago

She goes back and forth about how she wants to sell it and then she doesn't want to sell it and then she wants to sell it

But her neighbor wants to buy it for a variety of reasons that I won't go into that's going to be a lot easier for her and they've got where they had offers out on other houses and so I think she decided that if she wants them to buy it then she has to sell it now because now is when they're doing it

But also when she went to her doctor the last time he told her that she's leaking out of multiple valves of her heart and in a few years she might have to have heart surgery

Well she's 78 so I don't know how much sense it makes for her to have heart surgery in a few years I mean I'm not saying it would make sense for her to have it now but I mean it would seem like that's not a real good risk

And so she may have decided that she's only got a few years left and she may as well

So I went over and looked at it with her it's a house it's about 1500 square feet and it's independent living so it doesn't give her quite the safety net I was led to believe

But like if something is broken we're not working she can call maintenance people the yard work is covered there's the nursing home campus that she can go to for classes and movies and all kind of things she's got 12 meals a month included and if she wants additional meals she can go to their cafeteria thing and pay or she can have them delivered for an extra $3

I've kind of mixed feelings

I mean I don't really want to live in her house it's not a house I ever lived in or that I have any personal affection to but I did always kind of think that at the very least it was going to be a house

So I don't know

I guess if she sells the house and she spends up all the money it was her money and she doesn't know me a house

And if it gets sold now that makes the amount of stuff I have to deal with after she dies less I guess

What I'm trying to encourage is that we just move the stuff to the house that she actually needs and wants to have in the house so that it's like a normal house rather than moving all of the stuff that's in the house currently to the new house because it doesn't make any sense for her to sell the s***** house to move to the rental house and have it be s***** too if she's going to spend up all the money then at least she should have a nice place you know so that she can have lived in a nice place you know

I don't know if I'll be able to convince her to get rid of the extra stuff or not but if it can at least go to storage so that it's not in the place she's living I think that's still an improvement

And although I'm not super gung-ho on this rental house it does have kind of my dream kitchen

So I was thinking maybe I could like go once a week and precook meals for her or something

Because I keep you know finding out things like she doesn't really cook at home because she doesn't like to cook and she actually doesn't have an oven she has a crock pot and she has a electric skillet and she has a toaster oven so I mean she could cook she's got devices she could cook with but she doesn't apparently cook she just eats yogurt and cheese and fruit and whatever kind of thing she buys at the store and then when she gets bored with that she goes and has Mexican food or barbecued ribs

Which you know I don't think is really and truly the healthy diet she's billing it to be

But I'm about to have to be very involved in clearing out her house and getting her moved and all that kind of stuff which is going to be I think a little bit of a nightmare

So none of that has really been anything I have felt like I wanted to talk about

But maybe this will work out better than my having to move in with her and take care of her maybe if she's moving on to the property of the retirement home maybe she's planning to just move into the retirement home at whatever point she isn't able to take care of herself I don't know

I think we've been getting along pretty well though I guess

I love you

I realize I haven't been talking a lot

I'm part of that is because I've been very preoccupied with this stuff

That I haven't had any desire to talk about whatsoever

Then I've also been thinking

Maybe the reason you didn't look at me wasn't because you were afraid someone would notice you looking at me

Maybe you were trying to punish me for not going to Colorado

That isn't something I thought about initially or for all this time but then I got to thinking about my father and how he would do things and that made me think about it

Anyway I don't know

The anxiety is better I think

But there is some depression

I haven't really felt much like talking I guess

And there's war again

The cat had to go to the vet yesterday he was scratching really badly even though he's gotten anti flea drops he ripped a big hole in his neck well not a big hole but he cut himself up pretty bad and then that healed up but he licked all the hair off of a big swath of his neck

Plus he's been itching and licking manically I wasn't sure what to think You know don't see how it can be fleas when he's gotten the flea drops and this vet that I've been going to for a few years now it's much closer to me than the one I was going to and there are three women vets

but I don't believe that I've seen this particular one before and the other one I really liked her because she was very no nonsense and she would just come tell her how it was you know but this one was a little bit I don't know it's hard to describe she seemed a little bit scatterbrained and flighty and she was listening to me but she wasn't listening to me and she says it's for sure fleas but I just don't see how that's possible

At any rate he had his yearly shots and old cat blood work now he isn't old but you know you got to start that thing before they get to be all broke down and his numbers don't seem to indicate that he's having any sort of

Crap we were just talking about it the other day and I can't remember what's called now That's just great maybe I'm getting senile

Anyway he's not having any kind of organ failure some of the stuff I was reading on online seemed to indicate that that itchiness can be food allergy although I certainly would not have thought that but it would seem like at least some of his numbers would be elevated

He has gained like 2 lb in the last year from all the dry food

The weather keeps changing back and forth and I keep having headaches and I'm tired and I'm not sure on my attitude is all that good

But I haven't had the heart palpitations anymore which is good The homeopathic stuff works

Seems to have gotten kind of late

Probably going to go to sleep pretty soon

goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much

goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much

goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much

goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much