so, college 3

what i had wanted to do
was go to bennington
or
well's
or
mill's
or later
UC santa cruz

but the idea i had in my mind
clear as day
was that what i needed
was an experimental school that didn't have grades

i felt like the schools that had the
you work out a contract with your professor
at the beginning of the semester
to decide what you each expect
and then your success is measured by that contract
seemed like it was what i needed

both because i felt like
i wouldn't do my best work if i was graded
i would work FOR the grade
maybe do something easier
maybe pander to the professor
i'm not sure of all the reasoning now
i just felt the desire to get an A
was somehow going to keep me from reaching my potential

also
i felt like the process of having to
work out a plan
would really really help me
in the creative process
although
i guess
not everything was going to be a creative process
history class is not a creative process

but
i think
i was right
i needed focus
and i needed to learn to be self generating