i know you probably want me to talk and i'm feeling pretty non-talkative generally, but i read something that made me mad and i want to tell you about it

i have mixed feeling generally about this metoo stuff

yes
it would be great
if all the sexist problems were solved
but
i see other problems
on the horizon with the way it's all coming down
and
the whole thing makes me uncomfortable personally

but
i read a thing about mira sorvino

and i find myself kind of filled with rage

if a man says
hey baby do x,y,z for me and i'll put you in the picture
well, i mean, that's bad and all
and of course there are circumstances where it might not be
presented in those terms
but
leaving aside those cases for a moment

if a man offers a quid pro quo
and a woman takes it
well, she might have reason to complain
or she might not
there are factors, ya know
in ethics,and equality, and the inequality of life
to get where i think i deserve to be
where my talent should take me
i have to degrade myself

that is a human problem in the broader sense
because people have power
and are fucking assholes and whatnot


but
in her case
it seems verified
that what had certainly seemed like
the first part of a trajectory of a meteoric rise
was cut off
because she refused to have sex
with
what i can only think of the words an odious man
to describe him

she already earned her fame
she was on the way up
she might have wanted to work on his picture
but
it sure wasn't important enough to debase herself
and she said no
and good for her
of course she said no
so the asshole blacklisted her and ruined her career?!

and everyone just went along with that
she's hard to work with story
when there were other people to verify with
what kind of shit is that?!

what kind of town is that place?!

now
i was never really a mira sorvino fan
when she disappeared
i didn't notice
but
i think she should sue him
i think
i think he should have to pay her the hundreds of millions of dollars he probably cost her


i think
there's a lot of gray area
that people want to read as black and white


like, for example
my last boss
one day i was working in the office
and he was in there too
and
all of a sudden i could feel him touching my hair
that was weird
so i said
why are you touching my hair
he stopped
he didn't say anything
it was never mentioned


now
in today's environment
i would be "coming forward" about this
but
there is no need for that
i wasn't harmed
he did something
i didn't exactly tell him to stop
because it didn't even escalate that far

i figured he just wanted to see what my hair felt like

we were on friendly terms
maybe he wanted it to be more friendly
idk
but it was weird

i have touched people
hugged them
or rubbed my hand across their shoulders
and not thought anything about it
just expressing affection for someone i felt affection towards
and if they had asked me to stop
i would have apologized and never done it again



the louis ck thing bothers me
like he asked people if he could masturbate in front of them
i assume they were all women, but i don't know
my understanding was that he just asked them if he could
they weren't involved
he wasn't doing anything to them
and masturbation is essentially a vulnerability there
i would think
and he asked
but they didn't feel safe saying no
and now his career is over
but
that seems like the opposite of h.w.
he didn't understand the power he had over them
he thought he was having a free exchange between equals

or maybe not
,maybe that's all bullshit
it's hard to know how much of what people are saying after the fact is actually bullshit

me
if he had asked me if he could masturbate in front of me
i probably would have said
why?!
before i could stop myself


i don't know why the mira sorvino thing
makes me so angry
but
it does