i haven't been able to remember my dreams, but i feel kinda schizophrenic

does that make any sense
i mean
i thought i kinda felt that way before
but
for some reason
i am stressed out, kinda bitchy
and
late, everywhere

i'm trying to do a detox
and i can't seem to get a good rhythm going

i'm not sleeping enough
and i'm not sleeping well

the one thing that's working for me
is lemon water, i can't get enough of it

but i have less control than i'd like over
what i eat
i want food that tastes good
comfort food
like sushi
and
delivery
chinese tofu homestyle

i don't want to cook

i want to write

but then
i get caught up
in looping interplays of story line

the things i don't understand
the things i think are one way
and then the other

the things i kind of thought i enjoyed
that now i can't stand

i know this isn't making any sense
but
i have to write something
or i'm going to die
and
i can't start
i don't know a metaphor for what i'm feeling

i don't even feel like what i'm feeling is contained within my body

and i'm not sure if that's good
i love you
and everything i start to say
sounds like it means something, different

like i start to say:
meet me in dreamland tonight
let's set free the bears

which i mean in a very extended metaphor-y john irving way
i stop
and think, both
that there are ways you might interpret that, wrongly
and
how wrong it is that i seem to be too a.d.d. to read
for a long dry spell
there is irving that i should have read
which i have failed to read
and
both of those things make me anxious

do you ever feel that way