this morning

about 9am
i thought i felt you
pulling at me, like
why, why is there nothing

i'm sorry
i haven't been writing
and i did say that i felt a story coming on
but
it isn't here yet

and
i don't know

i just
feel like

i lost something
and
i found something
and
i'm not sure what you think will happen
and
i'm not sure what i want to happen
and
i'm not sure what i can deal with

but
i can't be darling right now
i can't be a flower

on the other hand
i'm not bitter or angry or anything
i'm just confused about what's real
and
what i was always supposed to know was pretend
but didn't know
and
what was each of us, perhaps
painting ourselves into corners

and
i feel very young
and
i feel like everything is too late for me
and
i think you probably made your choice really
and
i don't know how i really fit in

and
i love you like crazy
but it is wicked boring to say this shit to you
this is not what you want


you can get the blah blah blah
i'm sure
elsewhere


i had this dream the other night
i was at someone's house, some girl
like a high school sleep over

and i went to take a bath
the bathroom had a long glass case
with some small collectible figurines [or something]
which i thought was kinda creepy

but i got in the tub
and i lay in the warm water
and i could feel it
and it felt really really good

i started to touch myself
and
it was
not quite a male thing
as i was pulling on it
thinking how good that felt
i was carefully examining the facts of it
and it was not a male thing
but
i was thinking it was too much like one
that you wouldn't like that at all

and then
it went away
and i was back to normal

only i wasn't too happy about that either
i would have liked to finish
see what happened

i want to know
what crazy things you think of

i think you miss me, a lot, and i think you think about me
i wish i knew what you think about
and what disturbs you


what does he really want from me right now:

http://www.facade.com/tarot/personal/?UID=457775&Date=1%2F21%2F2013&Name=Anonymous&Query=&Deck=voodoo&Reading=single

http://www.facade.com/tarot/personal/?UID=248916&Date=1%2F21%2F2013&Name=Anonymous&Query=&Deck=voodoo&Reading=single

http://www.facade.com/tarot/personal/?UID=799735&Date=1%2F21%2F2013&Name=Anonymous&Query=&Deck=voodoo&Reading=single