i haven't felt much like talking

i've been tired
exhausted, really
and
maybe depressed
although the extreme irritation
is passing since the holiday

but
i still feel out of sorts
like my life has veered
careened, really
and is hanging dangerously over the edge of something

i alternate
between imagining you
holding me
touching me
and
crying softly

to distract myself from that
i have become obsessed with my skin care
and
korean skin care specifically

i took off today
because i was up and down last night with leg cramps
and
my back has been spasming since saturday
and
just when i reach my ridiculous goal of 10% comp
[ridiculous because i'm the only one who cares
and i don't work on commission]
i have reached it, i only need to hold onto it for the next three weeks
till the start of the new fiscal year

and they decided to give me a budget, for the month
of less than what i sold last week
and they are letting my helper go

so
i decided
why am i killing myself

i spent the day researching snail creams

i love you
i don't know how much i'm gonna be writing
but
i have been feeling a story coming on
so
maybe soon
i have something for you that's worth reading