more thoughts

OH

ps

my KNEE feels 

pretty good 

TODAY

which 

I thought was

AWESOME 

check in march 30th

I can in no way quantify 

BUT 

something has shifted

AGAIN 

haven't cracked the blind spot puzzle

YET

I feel more solid than I often do

I'm re-living some of that stuff with my mom

& I'm sort of metabolizing it

is how it feels to me 

the things t*ump does that I 

RECOGNIZE 

& I feel like maybe that's where we came in on the CRAZY 

leading into the pandemic 

I hadn't been doing well for some time already

& THEN everything else got 

end of the world-ish

with the pressers every day

& it's plague times

& THEN

I just went to the

TOXIC CORE

& then for a while

a little cross triggering 

& idk if I'm making sense 

I had a lot of FEELS 

which I guess was good 

BUT 

it wasn't all living in the moment 

I went to the grocery store 

SO

three days in a row

leaving the house

engaging in extroverted sensing

proximity to humans

STILL 

I don't think THAT 

REALLY 

captures it

I think I need some sleep 

& DREAMS are important 

goodnight sweetheart 

I LOVE you VERY much 

signs march 29th

I saw a woodpecker today

I haven't seen one

since I was a kid

what does a woodpecker mean 

as an animal guide 

I read stuff but it seems unclear

perhaps persistence or resilience 

which doesn't feel like the same thing

or strength 

SO

generally hang in there baby vibes

BUT 

also the drumming quality 

it's got 

hey this here is a sign 

VIBES

BUT 

I had completely forgotten about it 

& the reading at meditation 

was exactly the thing I'm trying to do 

do different things 

BREAK 

your patterns 

it forces you to engage with the present moment 

I feel like I've got some blind spots

I feel like I'm sensing 

THAT

I'm not SEEING something 

that if I saw it

EVERYTHING 

would be

BETTER 

I feel like 

I've been doing this slide

between some aspects of reality

& the picture of the world I'm currently juggling 

is hard to navigate 

the perspectives 

it's hard to explain but from my perspective 

they don't seem to ever just 

LINE UP

& THAT SOUNDS 

CRAZY

it's NOT that DRAMATIC 

but it hovers or something 

but I'm starting to feel like it's converging 

the STUFF is a sign of

SOME sort of reality 

BYPASSING 

I can't 

EXPLAIN 

when I was in the room in austin

I had been SO freaked out 

SO beyond STRESSED

from all the mom stuff that when I was in the room with the whole 

VISUAL REST

it made me realize that that stuff

WORKS

I gotta fix my visual clutter

& I made a plan

TODAY 

using all the strategies I've learned so far

I'm excited to see 

HOW 

it's gonna work 

I've got

let the sunshine in

face it with a grin

open up your

HEART and let the sunshine in 

playing in my HEAD 

there's a lot going on in there

& I am not sure 

HOW MUCH 

of it I'm not 

SEEING 

I need to sleep 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

goodnight 

check in march 29th

I don't think I can do the april 

I would really like to 

& yes, GENIUS 

& TREE!

notes march 28th

and

there is

JOY

in walking down the middle of the street

LOOKING UP

it's an angle you might

never otherwise 

SEE

at one point 

when I was kinda

disappointingly hobbly

I joked with myself 

I'm in walking dead*

*which I never really watched