edited

this is a photograph of one of my favorite fountains in Houston 

THIS 

will come as a 

COMPLETE SHOCK

BUT 

HORMONES 

is what does it

first thing said

PREGNANCY 

and I'm 

LIKE 

NOPE 

THAT is 

NOT it

TRY AGAIN 

🤪😂😅😆🤣😹🤪

view from waiting room 

I was just at lunch

I might be having something 

where my senses 

are idk HIGHTENED

there was a high pitched noise

I felt like it was 

gonna make my head explode

I said something about it 

BUT 

they were like 

NOPE 

don't hear anything 

I went to the

bathroom 

& I almost couldn't hear the 

NOISE 

BUT 

the SMELL of the 

air freshener 

which they probably always have 

BUT 

which I've 

NEVER

noticed before 

almost made me 

HURL

SERIOUSLY 

I don't NEED

NEW sh*t

I'm fixin to 

LOOK it UP

taking mom

to the doctor today 

I hope you have a beautiful day sweetheart 💋

I haven't done that

seeing things

in the clouds 

for a while

it was a favorite thing to do when I was a kid

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 🫶

☁️☁️☁️☕☁️☁️☁️⚾☁️☁️☁️🐑🐑🐑

my brother 

sent me a photo

of an adult bookstore sign

LIKE 

he slipped into my

DMs

& sent me a picture of an adult bookstore 

I'm LIKE 

thinking to myself 

I've been low key

AVOIDING 

his posts

telling myself 

he's NOT directing

WEIRD sh*t

AT YOU

you're just taking it personally 

NOW 

he posts

MORE pictures 

of the same adult bookstore 

WITH CONTEXT

& 

I WONDER 

WHY

NO CONTEXT for me

was I supposed to recognize dad's style

in the adult bookstore sign?!

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚🍀

I did that

NO DAMAGE 

FACE thing

UNTIL

I was KINDA damage-y

& THEN I KINDA 

FELL OFF

the WAGON 

I've had GYPSY 

by Fleetwood Mac 

in my HEAD 

& I can't 

THINK

of ANY CONTEXT for that

I've got these

PANTS

I had KINDA

FORGOTTEN I had

found em at the bottom of the drawer

they are narrow and tapered and the look

SIMILAR to leggings 

when I wore them before 

I used a shaper 

BUT 

I don't remember WHY I decided to do THAT 

I tried em on

& I like the way they look

SO

I'm LOOKING at MYSELF 

and saying 

YOU 

ARE SURE that you are FATTER now

BUT 

YOU LIKE the WAY you LOOK 

NOW 

without a SHAPER

I don't know 

HOW 

to make THAT 

MAKE SENSE 

yeah

today has been

WEIRD

I feel like

I maybe 

OVERdid the

LAYERS

I've had a whole conversation 

in small bite-y bits

why I could 

think

what I THINK 

politically

I guess is the best way to put it

& HOW

NOT in a cult my thinking is

& am I just completely 

CHECKED out

of the artist group EMOTIONALLY 

if I'm not

WRESTLING the

email list from her and getting it DONE 

I don't THINK it does

BUT 

ALSO

I was going to say

these old broads

BUT 

I don't LIKE 

THAT vibe for THIS 

maybe I told you ALREADY 

and it's not that interesting 

it's just

TWO

of them

my MOM 

was well behaved 

I took her a bag of popcorn 

told her the sodium

some grapes

and 

a chocolate truffle*

*helene throws a meeting

& she HAD all the good 

STUFF 

PLUS

she got to

BASK

in being WAITED on

BUT 

LIKE 

nothing BAD happened 

I just guess it turns out

I think 

one of them

is KINDA a 

bitch

& I guess I needed to

PROCESS

ALL this STUFF 

under the influence 

of some 

UNKNOWN 

cocktail of hormones 

david lynch 

andras

gets ANOTHER 

PUNCH in the FACE 

from me

VIRTUALLY 

I'm still 

feeling kinda bad

I hope you are having a beautiful day 💋

I just got done with therapy 

I'm in the bathroom 

I don't think I made much sense 

last night

I also have

BREAKOUTS 

& the old woman energy 

was in the meeting 

I was NOT 

in a be amongst the humans

kind of mood 

I hung on

BUT 

I wasn't friendly and effervescent 

BUT 

there was a certain amount of 

DEAR GOD 

I'm old too

I mean 

I don't FEEL 

EMOTIONALLY old

OR 

INTERESTS old

SO

I guess 

there was some 

CONSIDERATION of my own

MORTALITY 

BUT 

MOSTLY 

I was just like

F*CK

I don't enjoy old women 

as a group 

any more than I enjoyed young women 

as a group 

the one I used to work for

who I was working to

get her a day off 

MOSTLY 

she's 

in charge of the artists group now

& she's LIKE 

none of the guest list emails have been entered 

Bob sent out emails

BALL DROPPED 

well the thing isn't happening for a couple weeks 

the last three open studios

takes it back to BEFORE PORTLAND 

I'm sure it wouldn't take

MORE than 

an hour or two

to enter ALL of it

JUST DO IT

there's plenty of TIME 

maybe it makes a difference 

MAYBE not

BUT 

why PLAN to FAIL 

I seem not to have drawn any

CHORES

& I thought about

VOLUNTEERing to do it

BUT 

the IDEA of having to 

coordinate

a computer thing 

with her

I don't care enough to deal with THAT 

I really hope

my judging thoughts were

NOT visible 

I get TWO feedbacks typically

I can read everything on your face

I can't read anything on your face

& I'm NOT sure 

if that's 

SITUATIONAL

or WHAT

HORMONES are 

WEIRD 

if they don't resolve

into BLOOD 

WTF is even going on 

I hope you are having a beautiful day sweetheart 🫶 I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

mystery solved 

with the 

GUT

distress 

HORMONES 

old woman energy 

HIT badly

I had lots of processing 

SORRY 

I didn't talk

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY very MUCH 🫶

👾🫚🍀

this photographs nicer than it will look (probably) the reflection will be less (although there is silver paint)

so far

mom

studio 

artist meeting 

it's COLD

& rainy

🫶

I gotta go to sleep 

I LOVE you VERY very MUCH 

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

🫶🧠☕☁️⚾

👾🫚🍀

I was

GONNA 

WRITE 

something 

BUT 

I have been

MISTing 

my MIND 

OR

should I have gone with 

TENDRILing

I was SEEing it

as KINDA 

a ghostly sort of MIST

that KINDA tendrils 

at the edges

BUT 

it doesn't seem to

YIELD 

it's REALLY GOOD 

for ME though

I FEEL like 

that TIME when I'm THINKING that way

HEELS my BRAIN 

when I'm SAYING SOMETHING 

it CONSTRUCTS

a REALITY 

when I'm doing the WHATSIT

I can sorta

FLOAT

in the place 

where all the perspectives 

INTER-MINGLE

THAT 

MAKES it SOUND 

like a multiple 

thing

BUT 

I don't specifically mean

INTERNAL

it's LIKE 

I don't KNOW what it's like