I shoulda BEEN SLEEP

I maybe feel guilty about jason 

I don't know 

I feel better, I guess

BUT 

I've been very

can't hold a complete thought today 

I don't know 

I guess I just felt like I was getting a handle on myself & then

I don't know what to do 

to PROCESS 

SO

I'm watching videos on nursery rhymes and fairytales

things just cross the feed

multiple levels of story

MAYBE 

that will help me figure something out 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

WEIRD day, still kinda sick

I slept super late 

I sipped seaweed broth

then bone broth

then canned chicken noodle soup 

& finally had some rice

I don't know what I think about that freaky dream

it was some guy

pressuring me

BUT 

it was some big formal setting 

in front of 

a huge crowd of people 

& THEN 

he was supposed to be my sibling 

BUT 

then right before I woke up

he like

LUNGED at me

& it brought up 

that time

after I had moved out of my dad's 

& they got rid of my stuff 

& turned my room

into a junk room 

& I had to sleep 

on the sofa

jason had peed on

or the living room floor

& this particular time

I was on the floor

& Jason was 

on the sofa

& he suddenly threw himself onto me

& stuck his tongue in my mouth 

I don't think about that much 

BUT 

it freaked me out at the time pretty good 

& I'm wondering 

HOW 

he even knew about tongue kissing at like

six, seven

I think I felt betrayed by my subconscious mind 

I felt like the driving thing was

nice

this didn't 

FEEL nice

& I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it 

I don't know how to PROCESS it 

I don't think it is a particularly 

IMPORTANT piece

WHY

throw that at me

BUT 

I'm not TOO TALK-Y 

I decided on some soup stuff though

I ordered some more of that tasty 

SEAWEED 

(from maine)

& some white miso, daikon, & shitake 

& I'm gonna put TOFU 

I didn't think I would like that

BUT 

I've decided 

I will

I'm going to sleep 

sorry

I was no fun today 

goodnight sweetheart 

I LOVE you VERY much 

chatty cathy

when I woke up

I was having a DREAM and it FREAKED me OUT 

& I've been trying to figure out 

WHAT the F*CK

& I just haven't wanted

to be all -- la la la

when

ANOTHER part of me was WTF

BUT 

I'm still spread out pretty good 

BUT 

NOW -- I'm fixated on SOUP

BREAKFAST soup

DASHI? MISO? bone broth? TOFU? seaweed?

I think the bone broth has been helpful 

& seeing flashes of the sh*t

I still don't really have

under

CONTROL

scattered today

I shoulda BEEN SLEEP 

goodnight sweetheart 

I LOVE you VERY much 

I made some noodles 

they were a little bit much

weather

HEAVY RAIN 

--- flood advisory ---

in los angeles 

up to santa barbara 

at least

I'm watching a news 

KTLA five

california is having a hell of a year

FIRE

and FLOOD

ICE