Wednesday, January 7, 2026

thoughts

the pen came
it's nice
the ink seems darker
maybe because the line is thinner
BUT 
it's not a thin line
honestly 
I enjoy a thinner line, but this is a really good compromise between a glassy smooth writing experience -- which I used to prefer
& a pencil-y feedback -- which my favorite nib has

my favorite nib -- holding the pen is uncomfortable 

my favorite pen holding experience -- I don't like the nib

at some point 
I want to try to get the nib put into the body
BUT 
that will probably need technical support 

the pen I now carry around with me
is a cheap pen -- jinhao 1909(?) which has a huge ink capacity 
a smooth nib
& a comfortable light weight holding experience 

I do like a heavier pen
this pen is moderate weight
comfortable to hold
SMALL ink capacity 

it's not perfect 
& it's hard to get the ridges to perfectly align

-- which doesn't bother me as much as I might have expected -- which I didn't because every review that mentioned it said it was not a problem 

the noise has stopped 
Kitty is sleeping happily supervising me

my mom's trainer called me 
I didn't pick up
I checked the message 
she's worried 
because my mom hasn't called her back

I texted her an update 

I feel ok
I'm taking it easy

good morning

I'm not going to see her today 
I want to do some laundry 
maybe take out some
trash or something 
take a bath 
I'm 
fairly calm, I think 
& Kitty is handling the fairly extreme noise
reasonably well
he was under the bed
right under my head
more or less
I'm not sure what they're doing now
but if anything it's louder

I hope you are having a beautiful day sweetheart 
I LOVE you VERY much 

I thought I wrote more

I thought I wrote more 
I didn't stay & visit 
I figured 
LEAVE 
in a
good mood 

SO
I had driven 
my car there
I went home, had some tea, then walked over
DROVE 
her car
got her mail

there was a lot more to the day
BUT I need to sleep 
& I'm not sure I can articulate it clearly 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 
I'll try to tell you tomorrow 

Tuesday, January 6, 2026

progress

OK
she's making good progress 
according to 
the social worker
the head a physical therapy 
& her actual physical therapist 

she's moving to the REHAB 
at least she's slated to
1/15-1/16

I explained my thoughts 
about wanting to get some idea what is
her likely outcome before I can make any
decisions about whether she can live alone
OR
needs to go some level of assisted living 
& I'm not her
guardian 
SO
I might have to convince her to do something she's resistant to 
& so I was
worried that the time line might be
tight
& she said I should probably wait until we get the assignment from the REHAB 

about what she
NEEDS

& that should be fine 
don't worry 

SO
I'm trying to decide whether to stay and visit with her or just leave and do my other chores

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 
I hope you are having a beautiful day 

Monday, January 5, 2026

gotta sleep now

I want to tell you about my world building thing

the cycle of holidays 
there was a sickness & many people died
BUT 
a lot of people were too sick 
to deal with their dead
SO
AFTER the sickness 
the town had a communal funeral 
it's modelled after day of the dead
because there was someone 
from Mexico who explained their traditions 
& it was about that time of year
& the city modified it

& they celebrate it every year
BUT 
then immediately after 
they decided to take stock of their lives
in some more formal way
they had stuff to PROCESS 
SO
they practiced 
a month of thinking about
remaining alive when others died
gratitude for life
some form of 
FASTING 
or abstaining from something 
CONSCIOUSLY 
spiritual betterment 
& making amends with others


the month is finished out with a FEAST 
people who aren't fasting or whatever 
are in charge of arranging the feast
BUT 
ALSO
it is a time of
NOT GIFTING but NEED fulfillment 

the krewe in charge of the FEAST 
collects and monitors the NEEDS of people in the city
it's a time of making sure
if you need
resources or training or whatever 
you get those things

it's NOT gratuitous GIFTS 
it's the community responding to 
redistribution and fulfillment 


then there's the winter solstice 
which is about the longest night and the return of the sun & BRIGHTER days

which is celebrated by staying up all night
with bonfires and whatnot
& then watching
the sunrise over the mountain together as a group


then there's a variant of holi
with the colored pigments 
which commemorates
an event in the city near founding time
PAINTING the city day

because 
it was discovered when a group of Indian people 
who came with the architect to build the clock tower were engaged in it with their children 
& it reminded them of the spirit of 
the painting the city event

the colored pigments festival is celebrated in early march


there's a fire festival 
the carnival started in the depression 
to BOTH 
draw more customers 
& to encourage the city folk
to cut loose
be a little 
WILD

over time the other districts 
contribute their own
FIRE elements
& it becomes a whole city festival 

it's celebrated in early may



there's a holiday commemorating the beginning of the operation of the lighthouse 
which happened to be july fourth
they spend the day
playing baseball 
WAITING for the lighthouse 
to light it's first light

& the sea watch was so excited 
about the first light 
from the lighthouse 
that they set off flares/fireworks 
to commemorate

SO
it's a summer celebration 
of civic pride and such

AND
there's a weekly one too

most people live in communal living situations
the "apartments" in the city
have communal areas for living and eating 
& then private rooms
for sleep and 
STUFF 

there's a person who runs the kitchen
which is mostly 
a giant pot of
oatmeal or stew
& staples like bread and cheese

there's a lot of street vendors 
& cafes & whatever 
it's more about grabbing something to eat 
when you're hungry than
three squares
BUT 

friday dinner is semi-mandatory 
it's a commitment to 
COMMUNITY 
if you can't make it
CUSTOM 
is to have your place filled by someone you know

by way of introducing your house mates to 
new people and spreading community

the power of the shared celebration of home

this is specifically for the communal homes
& it is the practice because the very first
of the women who ran the kitchens 
was a follower of Shabbat 
& it became the custom 
in honor of her
CARE


this is a quick- ish sketch
& it is kinda more heavily weighted
at the end of the year

BUT 
I feel like 
psychological needs are met

& of course 
a new one might come along if there's a need

goodnight sweetheart 
I LOVE you VERY much 


my mom is the most frustrating person ever

I went to see my mom
there was some talk about her going to the rehab facility today or tomorrow 
& I wanted to take her
a bigger bag
to put her
STUFF in
which I DID 
BUT 
she wasn't cleared for release 
& I'm going to try to find out 
WHAT that's ABOUT 
TOMORROW 

I tried to ask her questions 
LIKE 
did you have p/t today
are you walking more than one pass down the hall now with a walker

she doesn't know anything 

"I just do whatever they tell me to"

& she keeps saying
I went to the 
& she keeps twirling her hand around 
meaning she went to the exercise class I told her I really wanted her to do for EXTRA 

that is not p/t
you KNOW 
that's not p/t

I don't believe that she's confused 
I believe she's f*CKing with me 

I'm LIKE 
OK
I'm leaving 
you don't SEEM to be out of your MIND 
BUT 
I find it impossible to believe 
that you are HERE 
to get stronger 
SO
you can go to the 
REHAB 
AND
you WANT to live independently 
BUT 
you REFUSE to interact with you physical therapy 
enough to have ANY information about it 
or thought about it 
SO
I assume you are trying to upset me
SO
I'm going 


TODAY however 
EVERYBODY here LOVES her

I'm glad to hear it 
up until today 
everyone
HATED 
you