I need sleep
& my knees
HURT
& the nine dunn tower west
is FULL
& she is fourth in line
they don't KNOW what's wrong with her yet
Friday, December 5, 2025
Thursday, December 4, 2025
it's been a long day
we had to go to the hospital
they are running
TESTS
I'm not sure
it has been a better day
than I imagined
I had to sponge bathe my mom
which I could have lived
without
I got to ride in an ambulance
which, honestly
wasn't on my bucket list either
BUT
was kinda cool
my mom told this very dramatic story
about falling & crawling across the cold brick
three weeks ago
which doesn't seem to contain
ANYTHING FACTUAL
I was asked the make and model of her pacemaker
I didn't know
she said she got it in twenty twenty one
I'm LIKE
you didn't get you pacemaker
during the pandemic
you've had it
A LONG time
I thought maybe twenty years
BUT
then I'm LIKE no that's not right
TEN
BUT
she had the battery changed in
twenty twenty two
SO
that's what she's thinking about
I REALLY want to SLEEP
we've been here like seven hours
morning
I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart
I hope you have a beautiful day
& that tonight is
MAGIC
I'm not having a very good start
& I'm freaking out a little
BUT
I'm soldiering on
yesterday turned out better than I thought
TODAY
will ALSO be
BETTER
than I think it will be
almost certainly
🫶
in a time of monsters
I just saw a video
that caught me up
& they were showing a clip from newsmax
saying WAR CRIME
I think it was jimmy kimmel
showed a clip of h*gs*the in 2016 talking about
not following
ILLEGAL ORDERS
& CONSEQUENCES of war crimes
SO
you KNOW he KNOWS
goodnight sweetheart
I LOVE you VERY much
Wednesday, December 3, 2025
whew
I guess whatever I did yesterday
WORKED
when I got there
TODAY
she was sitting up on the bed
& she said she went to the bathroom twice in the night with the walker
I didn't mention it yesterday, but she called her friend marian & got her all worked up
TEXTING me
CALLING me
when I'm already on the way
& I'm LIKE
not responding
NOT being wound up
& I KNEW today
she had talked to her trainer
& wanted her to come by
"to assemble the foot pedal thing"*
which didn't make any sense
BUT
then she told me LATER that as her trainer was a surgical nurse she could assess whether she needed to go to the hospital
& I'm LIKE
oh no
she's calling in reinforcements
BUT
when she got there
my mom was in the bathroom
SO
I got to talk with her
FIRST
WE
were on the same page
& she totally backed my agenda
SO
MORE walking with the WALKER
I took batteries for her
blood pressure
thing-y**
it was normal
after I made her stand up from the bed
five times
I took her oxygen
& it was 💯
I've never
SEEN
her oxygen go over ninety seven
she was petulant and uncooperative
BUT
she did okay
& we talked about mortality
& the surgery
& while I'm not naive enough to think
she's completely engaged with the
REALITY
of all THAT
she didn't just check out either
I'm not sure
but I think I made progress today
*which she's had for months unused -- the "assembly" turned out to be plugging it in and putting batteries in the remote
**I was afraid she might have low pressure
good morning
I've got THAT song in my HEAD
as I woke up and since
I'm having a hard time regulating
& I'm KINDA scared
I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart
I hope you are having a beautiful day 🫶
shoulda BEEN SLEEP thoughts
she's anemic
her doctor prescribed her
IRON
she isn't taking
she hasn't got a lot of pep at the best of times
BUT
pulling herself up
OFF the BED
& standing
up to two minutes
her oxygen went down IN the ACTION
when oxygen is USED
then immediately
BACK up
to as high as ninety seven
& her GET UP, I can honestly say
OUT--PERFORMED
BASELINE
I think the bed's a little
EASIER height
but I'll take it
I'm not dissuading her from going to the hospital
I'm saying
SHE
has to call nine one one
or something
because I can't lift her into the car
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