thoughts

I was going through an old photo album

edith (my hippie aunt) 

left with my mom 

who never gave it to me

& I found when I was

clearing out her 

house 

I found a picture she had taken

of Lombardi street

---the crookedest Street in the world---

& she had a note on it for me

because I was three & a half and likely wouldn't 

REMEMBER 

the note SAID 

this is a picture I took of Lombardi street 

joan really liked it

I REMEMBER 

VIVIDLY 

when edith directed us onto that street

& joan got a view of it

realized she couldn't back up

couldn't find any way

OUT of it

freaked out

& proceeded to wind the enormous whale of a car

down this street without hitting anything 

with maybe a soupcon of

here goes nothin'

because 

what the hell, ya know 

I felt EVERY BIT of THAT 

AND 

while I do believe she 

SAID 

something LIKE 

well THAT was FUN

my TAKE is that

the feeling was 

edith had done it, probably on purpose, but since she didn't drive there wasn't any point in saying anything because she would just SAY

OH I had NO IDEA

that might be stressful*

SO

no body ever called her on it

*I don't believe anythone ever said stressful back then

BUT 

the IDEA 

that joan enjoyed the experience 

that she would write me a 

NOTE

telling me

joan liked it 

SEEMS WEIRD 

to me

gonna try to sleep now

goodnight sweetheart 

I LOVE you VERY much 

DUDE I had some DREAMS

I dreamed you made a ceramic bowl 

with my face painted on it

& bob dylan said he 

didn't like it

because 

you didn't take his advice & he's a painter too now

BUT

I loved it

then some stuff I don't remember 

& I was at this BIG art show

like booths in a huge mall or convention center 

or something 

& I came upon

this booth

SOMEONE I KNEW who they were in the DREAM 

she was incredibly famous 

SHE was demonstrating

some kind of laquering

TECHNIQUE 

& I walked up

& bob dylan was at her booth 

he loves her work

& it was a beautiful piece of wood

& there were little bits of wood

ON the wood surface 

that you couldn't really even SEE they just caught the light like little flecks of gold leaf

it was SUPER subtle

ALMOST CONCEPTUAL

& dylan and I hugged

I can't remember the feelings 

that led to that

MAYBE 

he was in a fluffy wool coat

because what I remember was a fluffy wooliness

then there was some more stuff I don't remember 

then I was walking 

through neighborhoods

sometimes secret streets

that ran inside apartment buildings 

sometimes semi wooded areas

& I came out in some sort of

insurance company building 

MAYBE 

I can't explain WHY I think that

then I walked out

& the platform outside the doors

led to stairs

that just ended in a way

that would lead you to

just walk off into 

NOTHING 

falling, probably to your death

I LOOKED WAY UNDER 

& it looked like it was built on top of the White House

there was a usable stair off to the side

& I got to the ground

BUT 

everything was

CRAZY

& there were groups of people 

that seemed like

they were

IDK

at a weapon

or some kind of operation 

& I started

RUNNING 

& I was surprised 

HOW FAST

I was younger physically, I'm pretty sure 

& I had the distinct impression that I was 

running through gunfire

I wasn't scared

& I'm not sure if I was trying to get to the road

BUT 

I woke up

& I don't remember where they fit in

but there was a 

BLUE

sculpture of a woman's head

GREEN

sculpture of a man

check in april 18th

it rained all day

BIG cold front

it's fifty six degrees

april is already summer here

so that's crazy

the front gave me a headache 

I'm gonna try to sleep now 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

goodnight 

better check in, maybe but the skincare team says they're killing it

SO

my question now is 

HOW 

do I deal with the 

STUFF 

without going off the deep end again

I MEAN 

I feel more solidly 

ME

& I EXPECT 

THAT

will help

BUT 

that part of my mind that always 

LIKE 

tries (sp?) to CONNECT the special interests

is all like 

psst --- it's not an empathy engine

stories based on mythic fairytale 

mission from g*d

CORRUPTION 

in the world

NARCISSISM 

religion 

weaving all the bits together 

this may or may not be clear enough to make sense 

it seems like a possible 

SOMETHING 

MAYBE 

maybe it's just me solving puzzles in my HEAD 

BUT 

I was contemplating 

HOW 

in case I could 

& I watched this video about language trends

& HOW it's CHANGING all the time 

ENGLISH was supposed to be dying 

it's the fastest growing language 

BECAUSE 

people all over the world want to watch 

english language videos

FRENCH 

second fastest language 

AFRICA 

& then ALSO in africa 

NIGERIAN pidgin

is growing 

FAST

because in nigeria they speak like five hundred languages 

SO

they're using nigerian pidgin

the way swahili is used regionally

& french --- in different regions 

BUT 

it's LIKE the MOST amazing 

SLANG 

& the rhythm

& the melodiousness

JARA