I took a nap 

I never take naps

BUT 

I just got under my weighted blanket

& the cat got on me

& I passed out

I'm having 

BIG 

maybe all the things I thought were true 

maybe everything I thought I knew

maybe I was WRONG 

I'm NOT talking about us

I'm just talking about me

& my disorientation 

I went to a library 

& I don't think I've been in a library 

for twenty years 

it was a good experience 

& I wasn't sure how long it would take me

& I hadn't been there

so I allowed 

an hour and a half

& it took me thirty minutes 

I got there thirty minutes 

BEFORE 

the library opened

she helped me early

& I was finished 

before my scheduled appointment time

I watched a thing about ADHD

I had asked

doesn't everyone do things

according to interest

BUT 

I got the answer

NO

I still don't completely understand 

what regular people 

BUT 

I remembered how I got through college 

I DON'T forget any of the stuff 

I have to do

I would make a list

of what was due WHEN 

I would have whatever time I had

I would work on

WHATEVER 

I could be interested in

for as long as I could maintain interest

THEN 

I would move on to something else 

PAPERS

I would THINK ABOUT all the time

chewing through 

the material 

in my mind

&

PRETTY much 

write the paper

the day before it was due

or night before 

I NEVER wrote

DRAFTS

I feel like this worked fine for me

I feel weird now

& you would probably not be wrong to worry

BUT 

I'm gonna pull it together 

I LOVE you VERY much 

& I want very much to see you

OK

PASSPORT ordered

my last one expired in 2016

so I had to re-apply

BUT 

they use the old one as verification 

SO

maybe I get the same number 

I never checked if that was what they did the last time & I don't think it matters if I have the same number anyway 

I had the original and copies

birth certificate 

driver's license 

passport 

it was simple and quick 

SO hopefully that's 

taken care of

I feel like

I don't believe that any of the news

is telling me 

WHAT I NEED to KNOW 

& I am not sure

I can handle

MUCH 

BUT 

I need to figure out 

HOW to EXIST 

in this new

extremely alienating/alienated world

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

I HOPE you are having a beautiful day ☁️☕☁️

I had a weird day 

I went to therapy 

last week

he had a family emergency 

so I didn't 

I pretty much just talked about 

trying to talk myself 

into believing 

democracy 

is not

OVER

I SEEM

to be in the minority 

first thing 

I'm saying to the security guard 

you were right

& I'm counting on you to be right

about democracy 

NOT ending 

I've got a passport appointment 

in the morning 

NOT 

because I EXPECT to 

HAVE to LEAVE 

BUT 

just in case, ya KNOW 

I'm calm

BUT 

ANYWAY 

I have been 

alternating between

daydream believer

&

CHRISTMAS songs

SO

it's a weird day

to be in my HEAD 

the christmas songs started

LAST night 

as I was falling asleep 

JINGLE BELLS 

TODAY 

WINTER WONDERLAND 

I am strictly 

NO

christmas ANYTHING until AFTER

THANKSGIVING 

I hope you are having a beautiful day 

SORRY for not talking much

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚

OK

I'm recommending 

Liposomal L-Theanine

as a real anxiety 

SOOTHER

I've been taking it for about a month

& I think it might be 

part of the reason 

I'm not 

FREAKING out 

I ordered it from Amazon 

& I haven't found it

anywhere else yet

BUT 

HIGHLY recommend 

Vivaravida L-Theanine 800mg supplement with GABA and Magnesium Glucinate

I gotta sleep 

I LOVE you!

STILL VERY much 

BUT 

I wanted emphasis 

🫶👾🫚🫶

💋

I THINK 

I meant to talk about

the WIZARD of OZ 

OZ books

BOTH my mother and my father read them to me

SOMETIMES 

SOME TITLES

there was some title overlap 

I'm trying to say

L.Frank BAUM 

was trying to CREATE an AMERICAN 

FAIRYTALE 

and he transformed America

YELLOW BRICK ROAD

SILVER SLIPPERS 

BUT 

different aspects too

BUT 

I was SUPER into fairy tales before

I'm not sure WHY this is

RELEVANT 

I was just thinking 

OH it's about time to tell THAT story AGAIN 

BUT 

then I said DUH

WICKED

I haven't seen that so it wouldn't 

POP right up

BUT 

NOW I'm getting 

SURREY with the FRIDGE on top 

SO

we got kansas, we got oklahoma 

american innocence?

AMERICANA

I'm not sure what my CONTEXT is here

I guess I keep running up against 

this utopia idea

which seems never to have been sustainable 

I keep saying 

WORLD BUILDING 

not really certain what I'm talking about 

I don't KNOW 

if this is related at all, but I'm thinking I think

HUMANS need some sort of 

COSTUME festival 

I love the Renaissance festival 

BUT 

I don't want that

I was trying to think

WHAT is enough like that, but MORE future-y

and then I keep interjecting

that I'm possibly 

COMPLETELY 

some old lady

AND

I was thinking 

I really don't know what to listen to 

& I found that canadian lady

& I just enjoy her

BUT 

I'm pretty sure 

if I'm an old lady, she's an old lady 

BUT 

it's mostly the youngs what go to sum festival 

SO

I'm not sure where that leaves me

I SO want to say

AMERICANA festival

BUT 

what does that mean 

AGAIN 

I want to punch andras in the face

the CORRECT way 

to build a resistance movement 

is to vote for

the

LESSER 

of two evils

SO

you have a 

LESS OPPRESSIVE

regime to protest against 

NOT 

be some f*CKing

CRY BABY 

WHY

would you WANT

to coalition 

with someone too stupid to do THAT

how could you

EVER

TRUST them

I MEAN 

I still haven't forgiven him 

for the

give him the finger comment 

I liked him initially 

even though I knew he was

a certain sort of troublemaker

BUT 

I'm not even sure

why I didn't delete him after the finger thing

I guess

because I try not to be

a slam down the phone

slam the door 

make a big stink

kind of person

PROTEST votes are great

if the stakes aren't high

BUT 

they were

AND

I was NEVER enough of a friend 

to explain it to him

I gather he has trouble with people 

& doesn't really 

UNDERSTAND 

WHY

I'm keeping him

& that mostly maga chick

JUST

for perspective 

BUT 

I'm not RISKING anything for them

I WANT different party options too

BUT 

I don't want to have to

FEEL their PAIN 

I want people who can

THINK 

WHY

is that so much to ask