check in april 4th

I have to not forget to take my l-theanine

I've been forgetting 

& then I FEEL 

the ANXIETY 

I would naturally be like

NO, let me back up

there is sometimes a problem with doing the things & forgetting the self care

BUT 

when I have forgotten 

I become AWARE of it & take the STUFF 

I was thinking about it

I have USED the 

CRUTCHES

& NOW

I'm not EVEN really snacking

I haven't moved the needle on the picking

I'm watching the qi gong videos

I'm not YET doing the

stretches

BUT 

I'm impressing myself on the STUFF front

I'm trying to do a variety of things

to get at the CORE 

a SPACE that

FEELS that that SERENE 

HOTEL vibe

BUT 

it's ALSO 

KINDA

it's a test of the can you interact with the real world well enough to set of something you want WHY have you NEVER really 

got THIS right

NOT 

I have all these THINGS 

that MUST be CONFIGURED 

RATHER 

HOW 

DO I 

WANT 

THIS 

to BE

ALSO

abraham hicks I THINK maybe

CRIBBED off

neville goddard 

& videos of decorators rearranging furniture 

short attention span

only two chapters in on shaolin

NOW

I've got peace train stuck in my HEAD 

SOUNDS like 

cat stevens did he do peace train

YES

I think it would be good for me to

SLEEP 

I'm probably going to tibetan buddhism tomorrow 

unless it's raining 

street flooding 

is a possibility 

SO

if it's raining 

& truthfully 

I want to

FINISH

the 

ROOM

BUT 

they're doing a teaching 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

goodnight 

check in april 4th

I've been thinking about 

all the stuff I've been 

going through 

although maybe going through sounds dramatic 

& I'm not trying to be dramatic 

BUT 

I'm not sure WHY I had to do all that

I FEEL like I DID 

BUT 

I can't really 

EXPLAIN 

WHY

I'm having SO MUCH better FOCUS 

with the improved nervous system 

& I really feel like 

I'm making progress 

I dreamed about 

a BIG ship

not super close

to the street full of shops and restaurants 

it was dry docked and I kept looking over at it

trying to figure out what it was there for

what it meant

& there kept being 

BLACK SMOKE 

was it coming from the ship

& how should I interpret 

the smoke

there was MORE 

conversations

maybe shopping 

maybe meals

BUT 

I can't remember 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

I hope you are having a beautiful day 🫶 

check in april 3rd

HEY

were you with me last night/this morning 

I thought I felt you

& I felt held

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

I hope you are having a beautiful day