check in march 14th

the sun is shining 

the weather is fine

I'm happy to be 

ALIVE

I'm grateful for a bunch of things 

YOU, for example 

I'm still not sure exactly what that dream was

ABOUT 

BUT 

my nervous system is SO MUCH better 

I'm okay 

I'm doing okay

don't worry about me 

just send the positive vibrations 

this could be a beautiful world 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

weird dream

I dreamed I was in some sort of treatment facility 

I guess you'd call it

something 

PSYCHOLOGICAL 

I think 

& I needed to pee

I was going to walk up the stairs 

to go to the bathroom 

& SUDDENLY 

there were

SO MANY 

people 

coming DOWN the stairs

& my therapist -- or whatever was going on 

SAID -- DON'T GO to the bathroom 

JUST PEE

into the

PILLOW 

now, that might strike you as a strange directive

it certainly seems STRANGE to me now

& I think it seemed strange to me in the dream 

BUT 

she was quite serious 

AS THOUGH 

it was an important exercise for my recovery 

SO

I DID it -- peed into the pillow -- 

SITTING on the FLOOR 

AND

the pee MOSTLY didn't seem to ABSORB 

it pooled out into the floor 

which ALSO 

was a non-absorptive surface 

AND

the beautiful GOLDEN liquid 

RAN EVERYWHERE 

I crawled around 

wiping it up

WITH the PILLOW 

which now seemed to absorb just fine

COLOR in DREAMS 

always SEEMS important to me 

I wasn't embarrassed 

I wasn't angry

I wasn't frustrated 

I was just

FOCUSED

on the task at hand 

AFTERWARDS 

I stood up 

I wasn't FAT anymore 

I have no idea what that means 

thoughts march 12/13th

goodnight sweetheart 

I LOVE you VERY much 

I remember hearing that live

in northampton 

walking around 

before the show outside 

& it must have been fall

because the

LEAVES

were

SO

RED

&

there were three of us who were put together 

at a table because we were all

ALONE 

&

strings broke

TWICE

& unrelated to that

yay for

ZIPPERS 

sleeping now, goodnight sweetheart -- march 12th

I had a dream last night 

that unsettled me

I was working on

SOMETHING 

something 

LEGAL 

(I think)

I went into an office 

& I was talking to a woman 

& she's LIKE 

no no

this is wrong 

it will cause problems 

that you don't have 

SOMETHING 

& I realized 

I had no idea what the f*CK I was doing 

& I was LIKE 

WHAT is WRONG with ME 

& I realized 

I didn't know if that was her office 

or my office 

& there was a grocery cart

apparently missing

from the hallway 

& I have been 

trying to figure out 

if it's a stress dream

or

me telling myself 

SOMETHING 

I watched a lot of videos on tarot decks

& oracles

& I'm thinking about how people keep 

acting like anything t*ump does

is about making sense 

in some way 

BUT 

narcissists aren't worried about making sense 

or consistent thought

it's ONLY about 

perpetuating 

the delusion 

what he says and does

isn't (from his perspective) checked against 

ANYTHING 

there 

are 

NO 

FACTS 

WHAT can we DO

to make them

CHANGE the laws if the BIG BLUE WAVE comes

HOW 

can this be FIXED so that it's not just gonna happen again the next time we pick a president 

HOW 

do we LONG-TERM 

SOLVE 

this unbelievable mess