goodnight

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

you're the best

slightly incoherent ramblings

I wanted the light seer's tarot

HAVE BEEN wanting it

& I decided 

that this 

is one of those points where 

THINGS 

are just different enough to 

WARRANT 

NEW

I decided I'd look to see if it was available in a

LOT on ebay USED 

& I found one

with a total

of four

DECKS

one of them is called 

FORREST of ENCHANTMENT tarot

it's tiny

& CUTE 

but it's really friendly 

& it says you are

SUPER WORRIED 

about ME 

& I'm LIKE 

yeah

I'm not exactly 

NOT 

worried about me 

I'm in the changing into phase

BUT 

I'm confident 

I'm healing in the right direction 

I haven't escaped all the thought patterns yet

& I guess maybe that's why 

I turned to gnosticism 

it's got such an elaborate 

I'm not ready to 

BANG it out

it's not really 

THAT interesting 

EXCEPT 

in a kind of a 

WEIRD way

& I keep bringing it up 

I guess there's a reason for that 

I THINK I want to write 

SOMETHING 

about it

GENESIS 

there was this like zeitgeist-y vibe 

it was in the gnostic christian writing 

BUT 

it was ALSO in

the aramaic translations 

for non-hebrew speakers 

the genesis was

UPDATED 

I don't remember the exact points of overlap 

BUT 

the IDEA of this 

zeitgeist-y 

VIBE

which I think ultimately was the influence of 

greek philosophical influence 

something about 

the FORMS 

though

update

well

there was a message from the hospital 

& she's been sent back to 

the skilled nursing facility 

which also has

an assisted living situation 

I called them once when they called and said she was going to the hospital 

& I was maybe not

super coherent

& I just talked to a desk person 

NOT the social worker 

who wasn't there 

SO

I'll MAYBE call there tomorrow I guess 

I have a headache 

BUT 

being away from her entirely 

for slightly less than a month 

& eighty percent of my body pain has gone

thought forms & emotional balance

I've been trying to 

THINK 

NEW

thoughts

I've been researching 

the GNOSTICS

I studied them some in college 

ANTH of WOMEN 

-- I think 

I found this great course on gnosticism 

I had forgotten some 

& SOME is new to me, but 

SO MUCH 

new CONTEXT

it's interesting 

I get distracted by my thoughts 

which will TEND to 

WANDER

I'm going for 

NOT LOOPing

goodnight sweetheart

I LOVE you VERY much