January 20th

whole lot of here comes the sun this morning 

and a little bit of starry starry night 

on the Uber to the facility 

they brought her schedule 

& it starts at

ELEVEN

&

ends at 

THREE

SO

I'm in for a longer haul than I thought 

& I'm disordered/exhausted 

to start with 

UGH

she's talking to me 

gotta go

goodnight sweetheart January 19th

the case worker at the facility said 

I should really be there

tomorrow to talk to her

physical therapists

they start at 8 am

SO

I have to get up at ungodly early hours 

she was weird today

I am uncomfortable about all of this

I'm going to try to sleep 

I'm already in bed 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

I had buddy holly in my HEAD 

TODAY 

I realized I can't go to therapy anyway 

SO

I just texted him why I can't 

BUT 

I probably still need to tell him

I'm not ready to continue 

I wish I was giving you a big hug

YOU 

are 

MAGIC 

monday January 19th

YES

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

I was surprised the world still had anything to do with us after dubya & all the STUFF 

billy bragg

wrote a thing I read

about

HOW disorganized & chaotic these bad guys are

& how America is at it's 

BEST

when we're proving that we can be

aligned with our ideals

we don't always stand up for but sometimes DO

we've beaten the like of this

BEFORE 

& he got a lot of people telling him 

he's naive 

& felt the need to edit 

I was reading post edit

SO

I'm not sure what he changed

AND

I've given up thinking I can predict elections

BUT 

I don't believe 

that EVIL will triumph 

BUT 

I believe 

LESS than I EVER have 

that we ever actually 

BEAT anything 

I think we've ONLY 

MAYBE 

kept it at bay

BUT 

THIS here NOW 

is the best group of white people we've ever had

in terms of believing in IDEALS vs PARADIGM 

AGAIN 

MAYBE 

& I don't believe EVIL will win

BUT 

I've got 

DOUBT

& I wish I didn't 

BUT 

the way they are going about things

is the DUMB way

& it has given me

HOPE 

that they won't manage to pull it off

but geez 

it's a WEIRD version of HOPE 

goodnight sweetheart sunday january 18th

I STILL haven't 

contacted my therapist 

I need to sleep 

I LOVE you VERY much 

I hope everything is beautiful where you are

hope to see you in dreamland 

TONIGHT 

thoughts Sunday January 18th

I maybe had TOO MUCH caffeine 

regardless

I had

ANXIETY 

not extreme 

BUT 

I'm not stressing about all the

THINGS

I want to be on top of

it's a fair number of moving parts

& I'm not stressing about it 

BUT 

I think some

ANXIETY 

just, ya KNOW, bubbled UP 

I watched little pieces

some skin care

some fountain pen 

SOMETHING else -- I can't remember 

BUT 

if it gets where I'm not paying attention 

I SWITCH it 

& I'm switching a fair amount 

I haven't needed to take ibuprofen for my knee

I'm taking chlorella 

STILL 

or AGAIN, since I missed a DAY

& I stopped taking the

VEGAN omega3 & astaxthin 

SO

I need to get THAT back up & running 

I saw a thing

MICHELLE Obama

is maybe 

running for president 

& I have FEELS about it 

whether it's true 

or not

I don't like the dynasty vibe

I don't LIKE 

that he didn't walk any of it 

BACK 

after 
W

I LIKE

HER

I liked them, I like him

& I guess it got me thinking about 

the way THINGS have been 

GOING 

&

she GAVE him 

HER nobel prize

& I guess that's part of what brought about

something about guantanamo bay and something bout all these cows 

I'm trying to find 

the balance 

where I'm NOT freaking out 

AM I supposed to let myself FEEL 

ANY of what's going on 

I'm NOT SURE if I 

REALLY do

that I can 

HANDLE it

TOFU Sunday January 18th

I have a new tofu recipe 

I used to make this

tofu scramble 

modification from the vegan cool girl -- I can't remember her name -- isa Chandra Moskowitz

BUT 

pretty modified 

SO

I wanted to see if I could do it with the EARTH

it's like a brown gravy

KINDA

FIRM TOFU

cooked in some MCT c-8 

+ nutritional yeast 

+ EARTH

+ a spoon of bone broth concentrate 

+ a splash of vegetable broth 

+ a big squeeze of 

GARLIC PASTE 

I was pretty

pleased

it's cold

here

tarot synchronicity

OH

& I did a reading today

WHAT

I said, is the purpose of my life 

& it said 

THREE of WANDS

EMPRESS 

THREE of PENTACLES 

three threes

more thoughts

OH

AND

something about guantanamo bay

& something bout all these cows

SO

maybe I'm doing some

american retrospective 

wandering minds

move around