not totally sane check in February 12th

I've also got the goatherd yodel from sound of music stuck in my HEAD 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

I DO need to FOCUS 

on consolidation of self

raising vibration 

be here NOW but it's hard not to do the STUFF 

I am convinced that I made the right move

& that I have to hold this line

BUT 

it's not like falling off a log

goodnight sweetheart

there was a slurry of stuff

coming through 

PROCESSING 

but I tell you what

that little tune

keeps popping up 

it makes me happy every time

I gotta sleep 

I'm not making progress on 

the sleeping regular 

hours

I'm tumbling stuff around 

in my HEAD 

I think I found the only 

FOUNTAIN left in my 

quadrant

notes February 12th

I got myself into a kind of looping

SPIRAL

&

it was weighing me

DOWN

& 

at one point 

TODAY 

I started singing -- I got no strings

I had to go through 

& FORGIVE 

myself 

for all the things that could go wrong 

if I have misassessed the situation 

with my mom 

resurfaced memory February 12th

I remember something 

in college 

I pretty much never

raised my hand

& one time I DID 

& the professor was impressed or something 

why didn't I speak up more

& I don't remember HOW I cleaned it up at the 

TIME -- because I cannot imagine -- I said THIS 

I don't want to SOUND like them*

*by which I guess I meant the way people sound when they are trying to impress people 

I had only spoken UP this particular 

TIME 

because 

no one else was getting there

& I felt I had something 

to contribute 

TAROT reading February 11th

TAROT reading 

nine of cups, page of swords, six of cups,

three of pentacles (our card), ace of wands, the sun

hello -- I love you -- checking in

I'm checking in 

I felt like it might look like I was

pulling away or something yesterday 

I didn't mean to be doing that 

I just have stuff going on in my HEAD 

& I'm not sure what 

it even is 

MUCH LESS 

HOW to 

VERBALIZE it

BUT 

I'm figuring it out 

& I'm feeling 

generally 

HAPPY 

please take care of yourself 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 🫶 

I'm sorry I didn't talk today I can't even remember what I wanted to tell you about yesterday I think I'm a little out of the loop on what's going on in my HEAD

today was 

I'm not sure how to describe it 

I could not wake up

I just kept 

DREAMING 

& saying how grateful I am for my life 

I couldn't remember the dreams 

BUT 

there was some kind of superhero in an

ORANGE SUIT 

MIGHT 

have been 
ME

I feel like I did some

PROCESSING 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 🫶 

goodnight 

goodnight sweetheart good day

MAN

I REALLY want to TELL you 

ALL the STUFF 

I thought about 

TODAY 

BUT 

I'm not sure if I can 

& ANYWAY 

I want to tell you 

SOMETHING 

I have had that TUNE and I mean 

the whole song*

BUT 

the tune is SO catchy 

& my brain is doing this weird thing 

this morning I was hearing 

as TIME goes BY from casablanca in my HEAD 

& I KINDA 

heard that off and on most of the day

I SHOWERED 

washed my hair 

DROVE the CAR

I thought so MANY thoughts

& then I listened to it 

cause it was

ALREADY 

bubbling up 

& THEN it is ABSOLUTELY in there

& after LIKE maybe an HOUR I'm LIKE 

THOSE TWO are 

related

SOMEHOW 

& THEN

I started up the stairs

& my brain said 

inna godda da vida

was also related

& the THREE pieces

FORM some SORT of MUSICAL -- something 

it just seems right 

BUT 

I have no reason I can point to

JUST 

a pattern in my HEAD 

that KINDA thing

is hard to catch for some reason 

I mean for demonstration 

purposes

my brain is saying 

SYMPHONIC 

structure 

but that seems unlikely 

when I took music appreciation in college 

they had us mapping structure 

& I couldn't seem to DO THAT so I'm very skeptical 

the POINT is 

I think that's quite a lot of 

CATCHY

*the D&M collab