I LOVE you VERY much

goodnight sweetheart 

I think I'm doing better 

thoughts about gnosticism

in the gnostic worldview 

one of the pieces of g*d (essentially)

WISDOM 

went off to think her own thoughts*

*not supposed to do that

& thoughts create things I guess 

SO 

there was an oopsie

she created a 

FLAWED PIECE of g*d

this flawed piece of g*d

is the jealous g*d that we all know 

& it got right to creating it's OWN STUFF 

the reason there are TWO creation stories 

the FIRST created an ANDROGENE that was in the

IMAGE of g*d

BUT 

it wasn't animated 

SO

it did it again & blew life into it

& THAT WORKED

because 

it put the SPARK of life into the body 

THAT SPARK 

was from the DIVINE spark

that came from the true g*d

& so all of humanity was originally DIVINE 

& PART of the true g*d

BUT 

Yaldabaoth (the FLAWED g*d)

didn't WANT the human to 

KNOW it's divinity

created a flesh vessel for the female part of the

new human soul

& THEN

when WISDOM whispered to eve

about the divinity (or something)

Yaldabaoth decided to

RAPE her 

to put her in her place

& the spirit 

left her BODY and went into the SNAKE

SO

eve's BODY 

was RAPED 

by Yaldabaoth 

CAIN & ABLE 

were the product of that rape

& THEY

had NO SPARK because 

EVE's SOUL SPARK

was not present 

I don't GUESS eve's SOUL SPARK re-entered her BODY (although I'm not sure that's right)

BUT 

ADAM & EVE

did have additional children

SETH & NOREA

NOREA is born some kind of special SPOKESMAN for the true g*d to go forth through time

REMINDING people of their

DIVINE spark 

AND

the message in that beginning of time scenario 

is LIKE -- WISDOM had an oopsie

--- we're WORKING on it, hang in there ---

Yaldabaoth and his angels? demons? capos?

go around causing a bunch of sh*t

that daughters of earth & son's of heaven stuff

which eventually leads Yaldabaoth to get

fed up with people 

& seek to destroy them in the flood

BUT 

NOREA communicates with people 

& manages to save some

BUT 

people have a REALLY HARD time 

REMEMBERING their divinity

SO

the true g*d &/or NOREA

sends jesus

&

he tries

BUT 

the people don't 

MOSTLY 

seem to understand the message 

which is

LIVE in this WORLD as a PASSERSBY 

the things of this world are 

BROKEN 

& if you treat them like they are important 

they will lead you astray

you will NOT develop 

your SOUL SPARK

& will die and 

be LOST in

the false

WORLD

AGAIN 

they are like STILL WORKING on the PLAN

to get us hooked back up to the 

REAL WORLD 

BUT 

the ONLY part of you that can go

is the soul spark

there are a couple more gospels

THOMAS

which COULD be based on 

ORAL traditions 

doesn't contain the 

STORY ARC

that the other gospels do

it ONLY contains 

LESSONS 

it is NOT specifically gnostic 

because it doesn't contain all the stories of the 

true g*d & Yaldabaoth 

WISDOM & NOREA

BUT 

it has lessons 

which are cryptic 

& consistent with 

the don't mix too much with the world message

I'm pretty sure that's not the end of it

BUT that's where I've gotten to 

goodnight

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

you're the best

slightly incoherent ramblings

I wanted the light seer's tarot

HAVE BEEN wanting it

& I decided 

that this 

is one of those points where 

THINGS 

are just different enough to 

WARRANT 

NEW

I decided I'd look to see if it was available in a

LOT on ebay USED 

& I found one

with a total

of four

DECKS

one of them is called 

FORREST of ENCHANTMENT tarot

it's tiny

& CUTE 

but it's really friendly 

& it says you are

SUPER WORRIED 

about ME 

& I'm LIKE 

yeah

I'm not exactly 

NOT 

worried about me 

I'm in the changing into phase

BUT 

I'm confident 

I'm healing in the right direction 

I haven't escaped all the thought patterns yet

& I guess maybe that's why 

I turned to gnosticism 

it's got such an elaborate 

I'm not ready to 

BANG it out

it's not really 

THAT interesting 

EXCEPT 

in a kind of a 

WEIRD way

& I keep bringing it up 

I guess there's a reason for that 

I THINK I want to write 

SOMETHING 

about it

GENESIS 

there was this like zeitgeist-y vibe 

it was in the gnostic christian writing 

BUT 

it was ALSO in

the aramaic translations 

for non-hebrew speakers 

the genesis was

UPDATED 

I don't remember the exact points of overlap 

BUT 

the IDEA of this 

zeitgeist-y 

VIBE

which I think ultimately was the influence of 

greek philosophical influence 

something about 

the FORMS 

though

update

well

there was a message from the hospital 

& she's been sent back to 

the skilled nursing facility 

which also has

an assisted living situation 

I called them once when they called and said she was going to the hospital 

& I was maybe not

super coherent

& I just talked to a desk person 

NOT the social worker 

who wasn't there 

SO

I'll MAYBE call there tomorrow I guess 

I have a headache 

BUT 

being away from her entirely 

for slightly less than a month 

& eighty percent of my body pain has gone