I keep thinking it, and thinking it's too silly to say -- you are my sunshine

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

I'm going to bed

I'm going to 

DREAM about you 

hopefully 

ugh, gaslighting?

my mom

sucks

I was writing this whole long thing

BUT 

it's dumb

& I don't want to talk about it 

she just doesn't know 

HOW 

to talk to me

I'm LIKE 

you could TRY making sense 

there is a circle 

of all my knowledge 

WHAT 

do you want to do with it 

WHAT 

does that MEAN 

well

it's SO BASIC

if you don't understand 

I DON'T EVEN KNOW 

WHAT to TELL you 

was the LAST sentence of a charming two and a half hour session 

OK

well

TRY to think of another way to say it

because THAT doesn't make any sense 

I don't know why today

I bought this for him LIKE seven years ago

TODAY

he decided he would TRY it

good morning sweetheart

people don't make sense 

when I was asking for information 

everybody told me

I didn't NEED 

to be 

INVOLVED with the transfer 

then before I had even left town monday 

the social worker is calling me 

can you pop by and sign the discharge papers 

she signed herself in

she's in charge of herself 

they would just

RATHER DEAL with ME

I need the pharmacy info 

it's the Walgreens at San Felipe and blah blah

I don't know the number

SHE has it in her phone 

BUT 

it's the ONLY Walgreens at that address 

I'm OUT of town 

& I wasn't YET but I didn't CARE 

then yesterday 

I didn't get the calls or texts

BUT 

the woman at the REHAB is calling to arrange

TIMES

I'm LIKE 

I don't understand these questions 

I specifically ASKED if I needed to be involved 

I was TOLD 
NO

but now I'm being asked things like I've got something to do with it 

I guess 

since I was trying to find out what was happening before, suddenly I'm in the loop

people don't make much sense 

BUT 

she will be getting three hours a day of REHAB 

SO

I imagine she will improve 

FASTER

man, she won't like it though

that's a LOT of work 

& she doesn't like to work 

I had a driving adventure

I'm pretty tired 

I took a weird alternate way home

when my cell reconnected 

I did a map search 

& I took

FM 487

79 & 36 (which, as it happens, turns into 290)

SO

my entire trip home was like

six & a half hours

BUT 

no traffic 

I have to return the car in the morning 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

you are MAGIC 

idk whether you were curious or not

I enjoyed this hotel

morning picture from earlier that wouldn't post then

good morning sweetheart 

I hope you are having a beautiful day 

for the record 

I love the king of the world song

my subconscious was

NOT 

warning me off

forest fires

which it just occurred to me that you MIGHT think

I understood it to be that

FASCINATION 

with FIRE

I love a campfire or a fireplace 

michelle shocked had a great song about

the fascination with fire

& accidentally 

BURNING 

a field

BUT 

she was effectively enough cancelled that I can't find her stuff on YouTube 

I'm not sure what she did, but I was pretty into her back in the day

that campfire songs

recorded on a walkman at kerrville 

with the crickets and tire wheel sounds

when I saw her at rockefellers 

I could tell she had some

emotional/psychological problems 

& I guess those bit her in the ass

BUT 

she was a good storyteller 

please be safe out there sweetheart 

I LOVE you VERY much 

geographic dislexia and cell outage is sub-optimal

I had a phone issue 

I took a detour to 

WACO

I'm not sure

HOW 

I hope you're doing better than me 

BUT 

I'm FINE

only my pride is hurt

I was sure I could negotiate 

BASIC freeways

thoughts

I gotta sleep 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

I'm sorry I can't go to

florida 

even though I don't like the residents much

I fell asleep 

I woke up 

hours later

& posted

this

thoughts

I generally get

have for most of my life

well, you're from the noth-east, right

I think because I talk, generally, pretty fast

I use "big words"

& I'm nasal-y

I find this

slightly surprising

because I say ya'll a pretty fair amount 

& FIXIN' TO which is in no way

north-east

ALSO

use to be SIR now it's MISS

p.s.

the fleece lined pant

was like

a texas easter egg

thoughts

when I was a kid

I saw plays

I went to the alley theater

miller outdoor theater

I thought I understood theater

at least in so far as

the general staging and whatnot 

KINDA

what to expect

MAYBE 

would be a better way to put it

THEN 

I saw something 

DOWNSTAIRS

on the small stage -- in the round

& it was different 

the play was still a play

I don't even THINK 

it was interactive 

but 

the in the round -ness was enough

to turn the paradigm on it's 

HEAD

SEVENTEEN MONTHS in the MAKING 

it's LIKE 

a WHOLE different 

I hope I wasn't too weird 

I had SO MUCH 

FUN

& it may be 

WRONG to say this

it MIGHT be 

the pitch hitting 

took on this

LITERALLY 

competitive 

ENERGY 

& that first guy

he was good 

in the way you might expect

someone in austin coming out of the crowd

could easily be 

BUT THEN

I saw you talking to him earlier 

from across the room

he was amazing

in a completely different way 

who else ya got

INDEED 

resonates 

AND

it seemed so

natural and synchonistic and like it wasn't planned and yet couldn't have been 

BETTER 

nice

good morning

I got up

I went back to bed

I'm trying to 

decide if I need to get dressed and go get coffee 

or if I can just get ready 

& then get coffee 

I guess I've been awake like an hour

BUT 

I'm just staggering around 

BUT 

I took supplements and drank a can of water

I remember when I would have demanded I go out and have fun

rather than stay in and try to get emotionally 

REGULATED

as much as possible 

& MAYBE 

I should be going OUT 

walking around 

I haven't got that stuff all figured out yet 

I am enjoying the room

I don't feel like 

more moving sound making elements are desirable until I get to the part where

they are the ones

I am preparing for 

& that

is my plan

be human

be myself 

be loving to myself 

recover

BUT 

I also want coffee 

this outfit I'm sleeping in 

is a completely 

covering

get up

if I were at a Hampton inn or whatever 

I would throw on a jacket and 

go get coffee from the 

lobby

this seems like too far

which doesn't make 

SENSE 

you are magic

I have all this emotion

AM I coherent 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

goodnight