I'm into it

OK

I couldn't go to sleep without listening a little 

I LOVE chameleon 

& wireless 🔥 

the almost wordless song

GENIUS 

I imagined it re-mixed into

an otherworldly 

club scene

I'm looking forward to hearing the rest

more thoughts

I'm sorry 

I realized 

I was processing 

& didn't do the Friday thing

I'm sorry that might have been better 

& I just wasn't wanting to 

MIX that

into my t. rex shadow

montage

sometimes 

that works out badly

BUT 

I wasn't trying to 

SKIP

just be properly 

OPEN 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

thoughts April 24th

I think 

when you're working through 

EMOTIONAL stuff

MAYBE 

it's natural to 

not go in 

a straight 

LINE

I feel 

BETTER 

today

& the dream was really helpful 

SOMEHOW 

in some way

I can't explain 

& I guess 

I was trying to figure out 

HOW 

to be in a state

with someone else 

at the same time they are in the same state

without either of you 

"at-ing"

& there was an aquatic quality to it

MAYBE 

or gravity became

whimsical*

*I saw somebody use whimsical & it made me want to use it and I'm not sure this was the right place

BUT 

maybe it is

because 

the point is not to be

TOUGH

the POINT is not to feel like you need to be tough

is it

I'm not sure 

is the tough 

an act 

or 

do you feel

that you are 

indeed 

tough

I'm not sure 

I don't want to 

MASK

I'm not sure if what I do is masking

sleep is good 

goodnight sweetheart 

I LOVE you VERY much 

good morning sweetheart

I had a LOT of dreams 

& I don't really remember SPECIFICS except 

the final image

MAYBE 

the others will come back to me

there was school

ART school 

ALL KINDS of THINGS 

BUT 

at my gran gran's house

I was looking out

a window*

*which was not configured correctly from a historical standpoint 

I was LOOKING out a window 

at an enormous 

MOOSE

I had seen it earlier 

BUT 

I was shocked 

because it was remaining in the

SAME position 

& I didn't see 

HOW 

it was EVEN possible for it to be in 

THAT POSITION 

at ALL

MUCH LESS

for an extended amount of 

TIME

it was on its hind legs 

with its front legs 

UP in kind of 

a supplication 

CURLED

&

it just stayed like that

STATIONARY 

HOW 

was it balancing

HOW 

did it remain 

STRONG 

& in the shadows 

it was

SHIFTED

back & forth

from a 

MOOSE 

to a

T REX

with its curled up little arms

& I suppose 

you COULD call

EITHER 

of them a 

MONSTER 

BUT 

that wouldn't be 

ACCURATE 

check in april 23rd

I'm sorry about your friend 

maybe he'll be at all of them for a while 

if he doesn't have to be anywhere soon

I walked to the convenience store 

to buy my lottery tickets 

I got two

scratch offs*

*which were not winners

I got three

I was trying to find

the old school ones that don't have the 

POWER BALL feature 

& they DO still have them

they are called

LOTTERY 

EXTRA 

which makes no sense whatsoever 

& the draw is Saturday

I think 

SO

I have to wait

to SEE what I win

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

I'm supposed to have an extra good luck day tomorrow my horoscope said buy a lottery ticket

OK

I am in a weird place

& I'm not sure

WHY

or how long I've been here

I feel a strong desire to apologize for being 

TEDIOUS 

BUT 

that SEEMS contrary

to what I'm trying to achieve 

SO

MAYBE 

that's a good illustration of one of my issues 

I can SEE how

the experience of ME 

in my FULL confusing me-ness

MIGHT be 

LIKE 

a bit MUCH 

& I want to acknowledge 

that I KNOW that

I listened to my aunt joan telling me all the problems with edith

for years

I listened and I did

WHATEVER 

it is that I DO

in my personal belief 

that's not really 

FAIR to a

KID

BUT 

it comes naturally to me, I guess 

SO

maybe I started it, ya know

it was f*cking her up pretty good 

& I TOLD her 

she should JUST stop

& she explained to me that I was a monster

& I guess I thought about that too

BUT 

I'm not saying 

I'm sorry for being the way I am

& I'm not forcing you to 

deal with me

BUT 

I'm a little over how long everything takes

I'm commiserating 

I had to stop

LOOK 

at what I've gone through 

be a little BIT impressed

BUT 

I'm all over the place

& last night

I thought I felt you quantum entangled 

& then I had this whole

FILM portal thing

like the beatles

thing

& I thought I had a THING 

but then I second guessed my mind meld

& freaked out

& THAT is what THAT was ABOUT 

AND

this voice in my HEAD 

KEEPS yelling 

DANDELION