Sunday, April 5, 2026

check in april 4th

I have to not forget to take my l-theanine
I've been forgetting 
& then I FEEL 
the ANXIETY 

I would naturally be like
NO, let me back up
there is sometimes a problem with doing the things & forgetting the self care
BUT 
when I have forgotten 
I become AWARE of it & take the STUFF 

I was thinking about it
I have USED the 
CRUTCHES
& NOW
I'm not EVEN really snacking

I haven't moved the needle on the picking
I'm watching the qi gong videos
I'm not YET doing the
stretches

BUT 
I'm impressing myself on the STUFF front
I'm trying to do a variety of things
to get at the CORE 
a SPACE that
FEELS that that SERENE 
HOTEL vibe

BUT 
it's ALSO 
KINDA
it's a test of the can you interact with the real world well enough to set of something you want WHY have you NEVER really 
got THIS right

NOT 
I have all these THINGS 
that MUST be CONFIGURED 
RATHER 

HOW 
DO I 
WANT 
THIS 
to BE

ALSO
abraham hicks I THINK maybe
CRIBBED off
neville goddard 

& videos of decorators rearranging furniture 

short attention span
only two chapters in on shaolin

NOW
I've got peace train stuck in my HEAD 
SOUNDS like 
cat stevens did he do peace train
YES

I think it would be good for me to
SLEEP 
I'm probably going to tibetan buddhism tomorrow 

unless it's raining 
street flooding 
is a possibility 
SO
if it's raining 
& truthfully 
I want to
FINISH
the 
ROOM

BUT 
they're doing a teaching 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 
goodnight 

Saturday, April 4, 2026

check in april 4th

I've been thinking about 
all the stuff I've been 
going through 
although maybe going through sounds dramatic 
& I'm not trying to be dramatic 
BUT 
I'm not sure WHY I had to do all that
I FEEL like I DID 
BUT 
I can't really 
EXPLAIN 
WHY

I'm having SO MUCH better FOCUS 
with the improved nervous system 
& I really feel like 
I'm making progress 

I dreamed about 
a BIG ship
not super close
to the street full of shops and restaurants 
it was dry docked and I kept looking over at it
trying to figure out what it was there for
what it meant
& there kept being 
BLACK SMOKE 
was it coming from the ship
& how should I interpret 
the smoke
there was MORE 
conversations
maybe shopping 
maybe meals
BUT 
I can't remember 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 
I hope you are having a beautiful day 🫶 

Friday, April 3, 2026

check in april 3rd

HEY
were you with me last night/this morning 
I thought I felt you
& I felt held

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 
I hope you are having a beautiful day