when I'm stressed
or too think-y
I have two things that I love to listen to
handpan drumbs
& RAIN
they both
resonate
wash through me with sound
when I was trying to decide what the vibration
of ME is
when I heard the mbira
felt resonant
then I found this thing
it's a lot of different SOUNDS
it's a very resonant kalimba with the rattle board
& I don't know if it's songwriting instrument
I just know that if playing an instrument
every day was a THING
THAT'S
the one I want to play
it might be
PURELY
ceremonial
maybe it's meditation
maybe it's therapy
there's a physical-ness to the playing of it
I'm pretty beginner I just got a ten key
which might be limiting
it's in pentatonic g
which as it turns out
is mostly the same notes on the handpan
I figure nothing I do would sound terrible
I learn what I like
I'll be able to put together
combinations that I like
nothing says
it has to be a rapid succession of notes
especially with the wa wa factor
it's only got two not four
of the bottle cap resonators
so I hope that doesn't lose too much of the
RAIN sound
it's pretty compact
it's LIKE
eight
by
slightly less than four
when I was really little
I had bongos
I don't know where they came from
& I'm not saying that I
COULD
play the bongos
at ANY point
BUT
I know the way you need to move your wrist
to get the SOUND
I LIKE
right
I had a thing for tambourines
there was a certain sound
& of course
you can use the wrist thing
the reason I have
the collection
is about
certain sounds
I find soothing
& about the whole shamanic trance thing
I'm not sure if I've got good
ENOUGH
rhythm
I KNOW in ballet
the teacher
would try
to get us to tell her what the time was
& I don't know what my problem was
but I just could not put that together
three four time
four four time
or
something
I feel like
maybe I slide off beat somehow
maybe my attention wanders
the walking on tip toes
MIGHT
be autism
the SPINNING
might
have been
STIMMING
those where the things that led to the conclusion
dance lessons
BUT
I loved dance
& I got it all twisted up with
BALLERINA
BUT
it was about
FEELING
ENERGY
in a particular way
& I can't spin anymore, REALLY
I need to move the energy through my body
there's some way
that I need to
GROUND
myself
I
think I may be connecting things
that might seem
unconnected
I need to sleep
I wasn't gonna stay up
so late tonight
BUT
my cat got out
& I couldn't sleep until he came back
then I got started
I feel like I
might not be speaking in a way that
makes SENSE
I feel like
I'm speaking some kind of shorthand maybe
that has to be deciphered
I'm not trying to do that
I dreamed for a long time & it seemed like
I was really working through stuff
I came away with this
WEIRD
I want to call it awareness
of like some kind of processing upgrade
like solid body something
where the thing doesn't need spaces
it runs cooler
I'm not sure what I'm talking about
at any rate
I didn't get up till evening
I'm all turned around
which probably
isn't good
or
maybe
it is
