i didn't get to see the testimony today
i had some people tell me about it
but
it doesn't look like it's going to stop his confirmation
and
i wonder
if he is confirmed
and
the investigation continues
and he turns out to be a raper
then what
will they just let him stay on the supreme court

i've been flashing back to college
the anita hill testimony

i just don't know

i wish trump had not been elected
and
i'm not sure which way the mid-terms are gonna go

i'm worried

goodnight sweetheart
i'm going to bed

i love you

goodnight sweetheart
I feel much better
I love you very much

ok
well
not exactly dizzy
not brain foggy
so good there
but
my lower back really really hurts
I feel generally like i was put through
some sort of wringer
and
I don't feel emotionally strong enough
to deal with
really anything


I have to though


so I'm of course going to work
but
I'm taking 3 ibuprofen
and I'm taking 3 more with me


time was when I would have been afraid
that I'd shut down my liver doing that
but
when I had that super bad flu
a few years ago
and my body aches were intense
the doctor game me 800mg ibuprofen
and told me to take it 3 times a day
which i didn't
I only took it twice
because I didn't trust her
and I could get by with twice


3 ibuprofen is only 750mg
so I know if I'm in bad bad pain
I can do that
I just feel like
not real often


everything but the back
will probably get better as I move around
I feel like huddling in bed
maybe sobbing a bit


or maybe
just immersively surfing the interwebs


I take it all back
if you get a chance
in a future life
to come back as a girl
do NOT do it
it is an experience
totally to be missed
maybe birthing and motherhood are great
but
you might not get to do that anyway
just
run away


I love you sweetheart
I hope your day
is much better than mine
and I hope mine is better than
I think it's gonna be

goodnight sweetheart
I love you

maybe this is interesting, maybe not

idk if you want to hear about this or not
I don't typically want to hear
random physical blah blah
but
specific physical blah blah
that's sometimes interesting


I had intestinal distress Tues
almost didn't go to work
but then my merchandizer started texting me
40 cases coming in
well, we've got a new receiving method
that was supposed to start Monday
but the app wasn't on the phone
so I didn't order
just in case, ya know
but now 40 cases auto ship
has got to be Christmas
and I couldn't call Enrique and say
hey
you're gonna be shorthanded
because I'm not coming in
oh, and btw, you have to receive
40 cases on the phone
if the app's there now
the instructions packet is on the desk
I mean, really
so I took a bunch of Pepto
and hoped for the best


yesterday I was off
my issues were no better
I took a bath
I went to bed early


today
no better
also dizzy
crampy
headache
and
what I think they must mean by brain fog
I'm talkin to myself
and I'm using wrong words
and I'm like
wait, no, wtf
and it's taking 30 seconds or more
to dredge the right word
from my brain
also
I'm having similar electrical waves
similar to when you are
sending me electrical waves
only
these feel like they are trying
to pull me out of my skin
like I'm being taken over by aliens
remotely
like I might lose control of
my body
my last period was 8/8
no sign of blood now yet, though
I remember that as being uneventful
last time I texted my rep to say
no order today I'm out sick 7/26
I think I remember that
it was a mildly flu-like bug
that lots of people got
so not this


I tell you what
when I come out the other side of this
I better have super powers
or somethin
this sucks
hard
and
why is all they tell you about
the hot flashes?!
still none of that, btw


hope your day is better than this
I love you sweetness

I feel bad
I'm going to bed
I hope no period's coming
I cannot handle that shit
goodnight sweetheart
I love you

I didn't tell you about kitty
I got the one blood test back
pretty quickly
and
it said his fat in his blood
was still through the roof
it did reduce
but
it's still like 6 times what it's supposed to be
but
that is not conclusive on it's own
the pancreas numbers
they took forever to get back
and they are ok
which seems to mean
that the cat has an inability
to process fats
which is rare in cats
rather than that his pancreas
has been destroyed
thereby making him unable to process fats
it maybe just gets over worked
and then he has an acute episode
but
the episodes are dangerous
because of swelling and acids
and whatnot
so
every time he has one
he will be more damaged
but
there's no specific way
to deal with the fats
and
no specific treatment
which is effective for pancreatitis
so
the vet is going to call and ask a specialist
for advice
we'll see how that goes
I may switch him to a fish version
of the food he's eating
to remove the possibility of
his sensitivity to chicken protein
I'd prefer a more unique protein
but the fish is the only one
with the same fat level: 2.5%
the other novel proteins are 6% or 8%
and the fancy feast was only 5%
the one he was getting
but
full of grains
as were the temptations treats
which he was getting
many of
he hasn't been eating fish
but
I can't swear he hasn't had it ever
like I could with novel proteins


so
I just don't know


I really wish I'd gotten the insurance, though
you have to too late now
😣


good morning sweetheart
I love you

goodnight sweetheart
i'm going to bed now
i love you very much

today
I'm going to focus
on
storytelling
and see if I can get
out of my little funk

I dreamed I work in a warehouse again
I really wish I knew what that was about
there was more
but
all I remember
Kim
who used to be a district manager of mine
at char-hucks
told me
the boxes were dirty
and needed to be washed
they're cardboard boxes, I say


after I woke up 6:30am
I've been trying to remember her last name
I had 9 or 10 different dms
in the time I was there
but
she started as a barista at the same time as me
but
with a different name
cause she got married
I went round and round
and decided
it didn't make me
"going senile"
if I couldn't remember
and I could after all remember
her first name
but
then I remembered it
Castillo


hope you have a good day today sweetheart
I love you

goodnight sweetheart
I love you

kitty went to the vet
he doesn't like the vet
but
all the techs came through it ok
hopefully i'll get results on friday
then kitty came home
and i
went to the grocery store
and bought some stuff
including hurricane supply re-up-ment
i'm not expecting a hurricane
but
i was thinking about it
and better go ahead and get it
the Gatorade got pressed into service when i was sick
the tuna has gradually depleted recently
when i had a tuna sandwich streak
and some of the fruit cups and things
were expired

when i came home
kitty was greeting me at the door
and he has this thing where he lifts his paw up
and it's a sign language for something like
"please"
but this time he lifted one paw
and then the other
and it was weird
it was like john john saluting

i mean
obviously it wasn't
but it was, ya know

and
he super loves me
when we go to the vet
and then come home

the fostering left him a little scarred
he thought he had a home
and then he didn't, really

i think that's part of why it took him so long to trust me
but
when we go out
and come back
it reminds him that he loves me

he has lost a pound
he's fifteen pounds now
which was what i guessed
but
since he stands on me
and lays on me
it was a pretty educated guess

i love you sweetheart
i'm going to bed
just as soon as i finish this margarita

it worked out ok
I got Daniel
he came and let me in
on his way to drop off his daughter
it all went very smoothly after that
no big deal
except
I only got in a half cup of coffee
before my stomach got upset
and i had to stop
I really let that shit get to me

well
it is not going to plan already
no one is scheduled to come
unlock the door
until 9:30
Dennis was
but
some meeting blah blah
and he can't get in touch with
Daniel who is scheduled to open
I should have caught it
yesterday
but
sometimes I get distracted
with my life
and forget
I'm responsible for
everybody else's responsibilities too
fuck the fucking fuck

today
I'm doing signage
hopefully with my reps
from 8am-10am
which, if they both show up
will work
it takes 6hrs to resign the dept
Dennis only has me scheduled til noon
so
I'm kinda excited about that
but
I'm using that opportunity
to take the cat to the vet
for follow up blood work
so
hopefully
in a couple days
I'll know if this has worked
or
if he's still dying a slow death of organ failure
he seems fine
so
fingers crossed


I love you very much sweetheart
I hope you have
a beautiful day

goodnight sweetheart
I'm goin to bed now

i usually post something for 9/11

and i was thinking about it today
but
i didn't have any new concepts
nothing brilliant came to me

but
my thoughts were more
just what happened to me that day

don't get me wrong
i'm not saying it wouldn't have been
more high minded to thing about the people
who were injured or killed
or
the brave rescuers

i just didn't spend a lot of time on that
for whatever reason

the thing that kept coming back to me
was my district manager
what was her name
kim
calling the store
saying
send everyone home
everyone needs to be with their family right now
it was a company directive

yeah, ok, i said
but we're supposed to get a truck
i need to stay and receive that
can i just get a volunteer to stay with me for that

no, she said
you have to go too

but
that's going to cause a lot of problems for the delivery guy
and i don't have a family to go home to
why not just make things easy
i don't mind
i'll even stay alone if that's ok

no
you have to go
we are closing all stores
and sending everyone home to be with their families
this is not optional

ok, i said

and casey
this really weird guy who worked for me
and i
walked over to auntie pastos italian restaurant
http://www.auntiesbellaire.com/
about a block and a half away
and had italian food
i don't remember what we ate
but we talked and ate and had a good time, generally
he had a mother and a sister
but
i don't think he was living with either of them
and i don't think either of us wanted to go home


it was a cute little local bellaire restaurant
in the same center as the ones i go to with my mom sometimes
it's not really that good
and
it's a little expensive for what it is
but
ya know
it's got local color

it was just about the only
non-surreal moment of that day

I know it's new year
and
I should have a new year greeting
but I don't
I mean I can say that
but
I don't have it worked up
into something poetic
I just hope
everything was fun
and not all stress-y
you are great
and
you seem like you got it
but
I know
there's a lot more to it
but
you still got it
and I love you


eat an apple
dipped in honey, maybe
this is not a holiday I connect with
just especially
really
I don't have that many that I do
but
I love you sweetheart


I'm goin to bed now

happy labor day sweetness
I'm working 😅

goodnight sweetheart
I'm going to bed now
well
now-ish
I still need to put on retinoid
and finish my margarita
not necessarily in that order
I love you

what is up?
I keep feeling you
you thinking bout me