I ordered that Matelassé bedspread
the one on pinterest
although
in the twin size
the full was sold out
and
afterward
I remembered
when I was in my teens
or twenties
I told my mom I wanted one
for Xmas
although
when I heard Matelassé
I didn't put it together as the same thing
I had called it
never having heard it
MATE-a-LACE
although I didn't realize
the pattern could vary
I thought they looked
classy
and homey
at once
what my mother wanted to get me
though
was chenille
which I didn't want
I thought those looked
tacky
so
as I recall
I didn't get either

I dreamed
I lived on this piece of land
a lot of the dream
I can't remember
but
I know there were fish
maybe they were salmon
but
they were in this giant structure
my sense of it
is that they were swimming
but
somehow they also seemed
stationary
and
I could hear the whispers
of their hopes and dreams
and
I tried to make them come true

I dreamed I was a young teenager
and I went to some weird school
first
I was just stuck there
but then
somehow
I got transferred to a new branch
or something
and
I rode on the truck at night
not really sure
of exact details
but
we stopped for gas
and the guy went somewhere
I'm all putting my legs up
on the dash board
and thinkin thoughts
I dont remember now
but
I was young and kinda oblivious
the dash flashed me a sign
tank too full for engine on
I didn't turn the car on
I didn't notice it was on, though
I hopped out of the car
it was making weird noises
and a person on the street said
smoke came out the front
then
I wondered if I had turned it off
or if it would explode
but then
the driver guy came back
and started the car
so yes
I must have turned it off
yay me


I woke up
with a headache


hope you are doing well
love you sweetheart

well
I'm not very satisfied with the whole vet situation
she's saying
if he hasn't eaten by tomorrow morning
he might need to go to the emergency clinic
he might need a feeding tube
they gave him
an antibiotic
fluids, twice
an appetite stimulant
pain killers
some sort of blood test
xrays


he doesn't have any blockage
he maybe, they're pretty sure
has pancreatitis


she's not my favorite
I get where she's coming from
but I think
I may try a new vet


kitty
after all that drama
with the force feeding
just walked straight to the food dish
and
has been menacing me ever since
just say no
to appetite stimulants


it was very expensive
and
didn't seem
very rewarding


whatever
kitty's ok
I guess
but
why
is his pancreas enlarged


I'm gonna keep the appetite stimulants
in case I have this problem again
I'm not planning to give them to him
unless he stops eating


oh
she also suggested
anti anxiety medication
for the cat


goodnight sweetheart
I'm pretty exhausted
and
I already fell asleep
in the chair

I feel weird
like
maybe I'm going to jump out of my skin
but
I've been taking "hemp oil"
which I'm led to believe
is cbd
for
idk
a few days
so
maybe
since I forgot to take it this morning
the anxiety is back
I don't usually notice
but
I guess
if it's been gone
I'd notice it coming back
I feel
sorta
ptsd

now
I miss buzz
and I'm really sad
something is up with me
hormonally
this is too much
emotion
roller coaster


you are ok
kitty is ok
I'm ok
everything is ok


jesus

ok
here's something
I didn't ever suspect about myself
and I dont even think it was true
until I had a special needs baby
but
it doesn't seem to have gone away
even with the big tough
cuts me when he feels like it baby
although
he hasn't been doing that
the last month or so


I am
the most helicoptery
helicopter mom
like ever
I am literally sick to my stomach
and
I tell them way too much
and
have a note
I don't know that I like this
about myself
if he could talk
it would be better


I hope you are having a beautiful day
it's rainy here
I love you sweetheart

I'm up early
because I have to take it cat in
he's not eating
or drinking
he threw up a bunch of times
on Sunday
and since then he's just lay around
all listless
I wanted to wait until Wednesday
to take him in
but
I'm worried about him
and
I'm afraid
about the not drinking
and etc


I'm having a paranoid moment
where I feel like
whatever I say to you
or don't say to you
you will misinterpret
and
I will hurt you
so
just know
I'm crazy about you
and
anything
I say
or
don't say
should not be interpreted
negatively


I think
you are the best thing
since sliced bread
and
if I fail to make that clear
or
you're ever wondering
if I'm trying to criticize you
well, no, I'm not


I'm not saying
look
I'm not sure how paranoid I am
I'm a little worked up
I woke up
and immediately
thought of a way
one of the sweetest videos
I've seen
could be taken negatively


just
I love you, ok
I think you are great
and i love you very much

good morning
sweetheart
I love you

goodnight sweetheart
I fell asleep in the chair again
happy father's day
I love you

I'm thinkin about you

goodnight sweetheart
I love you

hope you're having fun today
pretty sure it's not hot where you are
I love you
sweetheart

goodnight sweetheart
I love you

I'm like on a bender
I've made it about half way through the bottle
but
it's not like I'm even tipsy
because it's spread out
over like 7 or 8 hours


hope you're doing great
I love you

ok.
all done.


I'm goin to the liquor store.


margarita time!


whoo hoo

well
inventory is done
and
most of my signs for the new promo are out
I still need to do
the refrigerated case signs
and all the stuff up front
but
I'm mostly done


things you may not know about me
I cannot spell
refrigerator or refrigerated
without spell check


although I learned in
third grade or maybe fourth
that the was no R in wash
I have never learned that there is no D
in refrigerator


that's just the truth
I'm a terrible speller
i used to sometimes go through
three or four synonyms
trying to find a word i was sure i was spelling right
because
you don't get extra
for a good essay
if you spell all illiterate-y
and i have a big vocabulary
i just can't spell

I'm not feeling very good
I'm feeling like I haven't slept at all
acidy stomach
slightly dizzy
this is some bs
I got sleep
why do I feel so bad

my aunt Joan
I can never remember
is her birthday 4/21
or 4/24
is that bad
I can't remember
she only lived to be 57
I worry about
how young everybody died
like
maybe I don't have much time left

did not sleep well
woke up about every hour or so
worried, I assume, that I'd oversleep
very complicated
puzzle type dreams
that I don't remember
so
today
inventory
we have an outside firm come in
which sucks
it would be so much better
if we just did it ourselves
and then
signage for new promo that starts today
so
no stress at all
just too much to do
4-12
so at least I get 7 1/2 hours
maybe 8
because I may not get a lunch
but
whatever
it'll be over by noon


I love you sweetheart

goodnight sweetheart
I'm shooting to wake up at 1am
I love you very much

hope it's goin good today
it's my paw paw's birthday
I'm pretty sure
so how old would he be
104 I'm pretty sure
I'm pretty sure he was born in 1914
and my gran gran was born in 1915
yeah
that's right
she died beginning of January
before my 15th birthday
and she was 67
so 1982
that's right
he would have been 104
he was 70 when he died


I don't usually think about their birthdays
but
I keep thinkin about the kid's bein
somewhere around now
and that makes me think
about birthdays
but
still it usually doesn't
align
that way

good morning sweetheart
I didn't quite make my 4am goal
but 4:30 is pretty close
hope your day is beautiful
when I get off work today
I have to eat
and then go right to bed
or
that's the plan, anyway
I love you

goodnight sweetheart
hope you're having fun
I'm going to bed
and I'm going to try to
wake up at 4am
fingers crossed
I love you very much

I've had a shower
I feel better
headache is less
slightly jammed shoulder
almost back to normal
I'm drinking coffee
and
that's good
I love coffee
I would love to go back to sleep, honestly
even though that might make me more sore
I'm just so tired
I'm enthusiastic that I'm wearing a skirt today
and I have a donut left I can have for breakfast
and I have enchiladas
to eat for the week
but
I just don't have any energy
I just want to snuggle

as part of shifting my time
I was going to get up
two and a half hours ago
but
I didn't
I "decided" to sleep in
I feel pretty bad
unwell I mean
I had very busy dreams
I was supposed to be going to a graduation
but I couldn't go to the early part
because I was working
Susan was back
but she was in the back
not working
so I was running the front
and handing out these gift packs
to certain named people
to do with the graduation
each person had a specific one
I had found and labeled
with different flavors of cookies
it was very busy
I am exhausted


before all that
there was a sangria cocktail hour
and I ate a bunch of the fruit
which it turns out
I was supposed to pay for
but
I didn't


good morning sweetheart

goodnight sweetheart
I love you

my first chores

drinking coffee
eating donut
[i'm not really that mean]
thinking real hard about what i'm goin to do
thinking real hard about what i still need to do for inventory
patting myself on the back about how much i've gotten done there
nodding off a little
drinking more coffee
shopping online for new clothes hangers
shopping online looking at new purses (not even kinda counts as a chore
in a list that is super padded with barely chore things
realize hey i haven't actually done any chores yet
gather laundry
sort laundry
try to decide if i still think hand wash can be washed in delicate
decide to risk it as i don't have a basin big enough for
or inclination to individually wash
new large collection of thrifted shirts
[i now collect coldwater creek silk/cotton shells
in addition to susan graver lustraknit pants]
start laundry
come type this

i've been up about four hours
and i was planning to ease into it
but
i'm really really easing into it
like slow
but
i think i prefer it that way
i don't always want to be rushing around, ya know

so I'm trying to shift my time
I didn't get much sleep
about 2ish hours
but
if I sleep in
it will throw me outta whack
shoulda gone to bed early
couldn't make myself
now
chores
yuck
I am so mean

good morning sweetheart
hope everything is awesome today
I love you very much

goodnight sweetheart

i love you
i didn't get to be mischievous
but
i didn't have a bad day either
we're doing inventory on wednesday
so i'm going in at 4am
and in the mean time i'm trying to get stuff prepped
so
next week may be a bit weird

i feel like
i want to do something
more exciting for you
but
i'm not really knowing what

what would you most like
i wonder

anyway
i'll give it some thought
i hope to see you in dreamland

good morning sweetheart
hope everything is beautiful
I love you very much


I'm feeling
slightly mischievous
now
I'm not sure there's much play for that
but
it's something I don't usually feel
first thing in the morning
maybe I can find a way to honor it


do you know enough about auto correct
to understand wtf it's process is
because
it does some weird shit


it changes would to soul
it just tried to change way to WA
I'm wondering
did I once type soul and it tried to change it to would and now it's decided
that every instance of would should be soul?
because
it changes things
that make sense into nonsense
and
I don't get it


anyway
not important
just irri-curious 

goodnight sweetheart

i hope you had a beautiful day

i'm going to bed now
it's not super late
but it is a couple hours later than i planned
i hope to see you in dreamland

i love you

good morning sweetheart

I'm very tired
I'm going to bed
I'm not sure even
where today went
I did go see solo
which was fun
but
I did fall asleep in it a few times
I wonder
if this trend should be worrying me
anyway
trying to make a concentrated effort
to get more sleep
see if that makes it better
oh
I also took a bath
but
I didn't do any of my chores
not good


I love you sweetheart
I'll see you in dreamland

good morning sweetheart
I love you
just the way you are

I wish
we were together
somewhere
and we could spend the day
lounging around
that sounds so good right now
hope you're having a good day
more later

good morning sweetheart

good night sweetheart
I love you

ok
I've just been up
like, seriously, 15 minutes
I had this whole big opus dream
about some unincorporated area
out in the country


and some alternative school


and
I think
some government plot


but
I'm just not sure now
how it all hangs together


I think I was younger
and the country
I don't know where it was
there were some hilly elevations
there were trees
but there were streets
and businesses too
I can't believe I don't remember


anyway
hope you're doing well
I still feel
well, right now
I feel like I've beaten
about the back and shoulders
with a stick
and my head is kinda full
of congestion
so
high pollen day
I'm guessing


I'm gonna stretch
and get coffee


I really need to do laundry
but I'm very unenthusiastic about that
that may not happen

i fell asleep in the chair again
but this time
i guess i knew i was gonna do it
and i didn't care
because
instead of being slumped over my computer
i was laying back with my neck resting on the scalloped edge
of the wicker chair
now
i have a headache
so
not sure that was better
but

very strange dreams
i was living in this great apartmets
and i tried to open the gate
but
outside
it was like a rennaissance
festival
women were running around
peeing on

then
i was doing stand up laying down
and the host
who was in five inch stillettos
kept walking around my headbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

see
fell asleep there

anyway
she's walking around my head
and i sit up and say
i cannot with the walking

then
i was driving a motorcycle in a dark tunnel
and i seriously cannot see

i feel like there was more to that one

about 30-45 minutes ago
I thought I felt you
hope everything's going well
it looks like I'm just on register
all day
so
I can take a lot more psychic visiting
than usual
if you feel like it

good morning sweetheart
I love you
still tired
weird dreams
time to venture out
into the relentless heat


more later

look
I'm already falling asleep in the chair
I gotta go to bed
I love you


this cowgirl's riding to dreamland

really look at this picture

I just asked a question
and
I got this


http://www.facade.com/tarot/personal/?UID=348284&Date=6%2F1%2F2018&Name=Anonymous&Query=&Deck=minchiate&Reading=single