i'm not sure i made the right decision with this cat

on the one hand
he has distracted me from
my utter misery
at losing my baby
but

he is pretty mercurial
he was initially very affectionate
but that was clearly a manipulative device

he's still intermitantly affectionate, but
he bites

so
i'm a little afraid

also
he need a lot of play

so
i'm beginning to see him as more of a street cat
which he is
and less of a puppy kitten
which i knew he wasn't
but
is more what i'm used to

i'm not sure i could have a dog
they seem too needy
too unhappy when you leave for work
too messy
just too, ya know

but
for the first time in my life
i'm really seeing
cats are not just kinda making you work for it
they are not really just living their own lives
they are maybe
cold

this is something that happened:

he wasn't greeting me when i came home from work
he wasn't seeming to give a shit

so
i came in
i said:  look buddy
i expect you to greet me at the door
i'm gonna feed you now, in good faith that you didn't understand
but
next time
i want you at the door when i come in

now
i been saying a lot of shit to him
and he has been completely ignoring me
but
that little mutherfucker has been at the door to greet me
every day since
whether i come in the front or the back
whether i come on the bus or the car
he hears the key in the lock
he is johnny on the spot

and he's doing it
like a job
to get extra rations
not because he loves me

and
on the one hand
it doesn't matter
but
on the other hand
it's so like life
that it makes me sad

i am tempted to take him back
i really am

but
that seems wrong
and
he wanted to come home with me
or he wouldn't have manipulated me into it
so
eventually he'll love me

i brought home a rescue cat
i don't know what i expected

i specifically wanted not to be reminded
that i didn't have buzz anymore
but
still have a creature to come home to
i just didn't expect

quite so much challenge

anyway
i'm modifying his name:

Neptune-Shango

he's gonna make me want a dog