ok, i didn't just go make coffee

i decided
i would make a vegetable [really mushroom] stew for dinner
i'm using ghee for the oil
that's the first time i'm doing that
i'm very excited
and so far
it tastes good

but
i had a dream last night
and it's distracting me
so
maybe i should tell you about it

i was at a garden party
i guess you'd call it
it was outside, anyway
it was kind of an arbor-y area
with vines draping overhead, very pretty
i was telling the hostess
what a good job she had done
and we were in some social group
the same group
which is why i was at this party
because
the hostess was
debbie heather
who i have been not thinking about
so it worries me that she's popping back up in my dreams
but
i am sick
and we were being friendly
so maybe this is not a bad sign

so, anyway
i'm walking around
and the weather is beautiful
but it has been raining for days prior
and when i find my party
[none of whom look familiar to me
but who are supposed to be my family]
they are all sitting on pallets, on the ground, butts wet

why did they sit down there
because those were their assigned seats

yeah, but why did they sit down there, rather than complaining straightaway
no answer
but they are affronted
and it is my job to somehow make this right

so
i go inside
i'm looking for outdoor chairs
then the woman from my family
who i'm supposed to know is my mother
but, now that i'm really looking at her, looks more like robert's mother
remember robert?
anyway
she just starts pulling whatever furniture out the door
stop that, i yell angrily
that'll get completely ruined if you take it outside

i don't care she screams back
she didn't care if our stuff got ruined

but i'm better than that, i scream, really angry now
and if you want to associate with me
then you have to be better than that too
i'm not kidding
you don't know why she did what she did
maybe she had someone else set it up
and they didn't pay attention

she might not even know
but even if she did

NO

what the hell do you think that means?