i got sick yesterday

i had to leave work
i was too dizzy to stand
much less work
and
i had someone drive me home because i didn't feel safe to drive myself

now today
i didn't go in either

and
i took a cab
to pick up my car
because i didn't feel like i could handle the bus
but i did feel safe to drive
and i thought i might need my car

i stopped at the cvs to pick up some dayquil
but i ended up getting mucinex because i keep hearing how good it is

i think
once this freak-o-rama cold front blows in
i might be able to function again
whoever heard of a hurricane in alaska

whatever
i'm dizzy, and disoriented, and migraine-y
with all my neck and shoulder muscles seized up
oh, and congested

but i think i wandered around cvs for and hour and a half
telling myself   focus  over and over again

and then i've had about a million calls and texts
i really feel  like i should maybe be paid for today
well, i mean, i will get sick pay, but you know what i mean

anyway
the dream is taking on a narrative
so i might be writing you something
but i'm not sure today is possible
but i think she's becoming more fleshed out

i guess you've got by now
i'm an idea person
i create the character pretty easily
i got a million names
but
when i hit a snag
it tends to snag me

creative projects don't get bulled through the way tangible ones do
i guess because they matter less
in a way
i probably need a partner

i like this character, though
she's an introvert
who has to play an extroverted role
and it makes her slightly misanthropic
so she continually makes up her back story on the spot
changes her wikipedia page regularly
just to fuck with people

her name
well
her father is chinese and he has an odd sense of what an american name should be
her mother is one of those hardworking scandinavian women she thought it was simple and honest
when her father came to america he had buttermilk for the first time
he loved it, said:  what is this called; ... i'm going to name my first child buttermilk
her mother was shocked that she was so fair, not dark haired like her father
and she just took to calling her that
it's a nickname

her real name is...jonquil...maybe
corvid?
oh she had an early obscession with poe
he's the whole reason she wanted to write... really

i love you