that time revolution came!!!!!!!

WARNING: i learned a new skill and i used it a lot

it's good
and i've found out more
[exciting boring girly stuff]

i'm not sure which order i should tell this

ok
yesterday i had another headache
and by the time i got off work, i really needed to wander
so i went to ulta3
i tried on a bunch of eyeshadow
and i bought 2 colors
cargo: yukon and stila: black diamond

and
i think i might actually wear these, really

so then i had to clean it all off
a bunch of times, actually
with exuviance cleanser
which is a line i'm short listing because of this
[this is background]

so
i go home
and my package is at the back door
very excited

so
i mean
of course i put it on right away
and it feels pretty good
but i still had planned to wash my face and etc later
except that i fell asleep on the sofa

and when i woke up
my face felt great
except, i had forgotten about the time revolution serum
so i was trying to remember what i'd put on my face at ulta
just that cleanser
wow i guess i gotta buy that stuff it's awesome
which made me a little sad
because i'm kinda into my evening cleanser
and if i wanted to change i kinda want the eve lom now
[although, when i was younger
like before last fall
i pretty much always wanted cleansers that
are creams you rub on and tissue off
no water involved]

so anyway
i woke up a little more throughly
and remembered that

1. it was the new time revolution
2. it was free
3. i have a full sized bottle

so then i started doing more research

and, apparently it is a copy cat

of estee lauder's advanced night repair

i guess the patent ran out

and it's a cult classic

i mean, i remember my mom using that when i was in high school

i tried it then

and thought:  well this doesn't really do anything

but, hey, my skin didn't really need doing then

and besides

missha didn't really just copy

they improved on it

but seriously

this is so good that it makes me want to try

more time revolution stuff

i don't know

at least their other dupe

which is for this cult classic

anyway

i'm very excited

i want you tonight

it's pretty bad
i want to feel your skin
on my skin
i want
to hold you
and
i want to learn
how our bodies fit
together
and
together
come on baby
justify my love, or whatever
throw them to the lions
[it's possible that that is way too obscure]
if you got it
you can smile
now come
here
sweetness

just blah blah

i've had a headache all day

i also need to take my ginseng

i am still playing with my skincare
but
i think i will not end up with a bunch of steps
and
i think i will be doing this facial on all days off

i'm trying to decide if i have to abandon the snail cream
or if i can work it in somehow
if the little kernals of sebum it brings out
which i tend to pick at and get spots
if those are a sign of purifying the skin
or if they are irritation

the sleeping mask
[which was a delux sample, ie. small]
is the product i really like
it's only 15% mucin, but it has all kinda stem cells and baobab extract
it's slightly ointmenty texture and it seeps right in
it feels very hydrating
and i was using it last week as a first step after cleansing
not as a sleeping mask
and
i think i don't like toners
so i cleanse with this kick ass cleanser
i've been using it since beginning of january
it like eats your face and then soothes it with mucin
[which is what started the whole snail craze for me
only this isn't snail mucin
it's some kind of phyto-mucin]

then i put on a thin coat of snail sleeping mask
then the serum made by the same people as the cleanser
[isa knox x2d2 recovery 28 day turnover]
then ddf advanced firming cream
[which is super expensive {$130.}, but i bought from amazon for $35]
i've almost used that up, but i really like it

if i wear bb cream, or sometimes at night
i do the shea butter-tamanu mix
but if i don't wear any makeup i've been doing that combo
with eye cream samples from history of whoo
which are nice
but
not something i will be able to afford i think
and not amazing, anyway

at night i use the l'occitane oil
and then either the isa knox serum and ddf
or the shea butter-tamanu

i'm kinda obsessed
i want to find the perfect routine
the one that will make me age in reverse

i have another thing coming from missha
http://www.missha.ca/index.php?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=588&category_id=13&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=29
i get it free for their birthday
because i ordered $100. worth of stuff
which it doesn't seem like i'm really able to use
so fingers crossed with the night repair
[canadian site had the best description]

i really like the isa knox
and they have an "elastic" cream
that i am tempted to try when the ddf is done
the packaging is not all that appealing
http://www.amazon.com/Isa-Knox-Elastic-Power-Cream/dp/B005H4AW1Q

what is with the purple
and gold and fancy shapes
i know it shouldn't matter, but i would like them to look more
neutral, minimal, whatever
this is an appealing looking product to me:
http://www.evelom.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-evelomgb-Site/en_GB/Page-Show?cid=20120911_CleanserVideo

and
this is what i'm basing my facial upon
[i've never used eve lom]
except mine doesn't have mineral oil
and i use different essential oils
manuka, tansy, yarrow
but
why can't skin care look like this
beautiful, simple

i'm weird huh

what is he thinking:

http://www.facade.com/tarot/personal/?UID=799179&Date=2%2F24%2F2013&Name=Anonymous&Query=&Deck=voodoo&Reading=single

http://www.facade.com/tarot/personal/?UID=571503&Date=2%2F24%2F2013&Name=Anonymous&Query=&Deck=voodoo&Reading=single

thinking, working, groking

date night

i'm having a little trouble

i picture us on a boat
first i thought a sailboat
but
i don't know how to sail
and, anyway
i don't want us to be busy with maintaining the environment

so then i thought ferry
but then
we are going somewhere
and i thought about the ferry from seattle to
what is it, bainbridge island
but
i don't want it to be going to dinner on the ferry
i want to be on the boat

so
then i thought:
well what does that leave
cruise ship, slightly yuck factor there

anyway
maybe it's a big boat
not as big as a cruise ship
and there aren't many other people around

fine

there is a band, somewhere nearby
playing softly
some vaguely

and

yeah the lanterns are good

keep the lanterns

lose the onlookers

and

dancing was what i was thinking

maybe not exactly like this

i pictured it

a little more

holding and swaying

maybe

maybe looking into your eyes a little

and then

the ship is out

away from the land

and the sky has been a little foggy

but then it clears, suddenly

or maybe we just look up just then

because the music has stopped

and it's natural to look

the stars are swirling and the sky is midnight blue

and then

like reflections from another world

the aurora borealis

glittering green

you take my hand

you know i love you, right

you ask my hand as i stare enraptured at the sky

it's nice to hear you say it though

i smile

and what would you like to do about that romeo

so this is the question i'm asking myself

am i giving you what you need
to be productive

do you need specific things
or just
ya know
love

do you need
specific kinds of attention

is it better for me to focus on you
the nest in the treetops
or
is it enough
to hear all my boring stuff

because i have tons of boring stuff
but
i figure
it's boring
and maybe will do in a pinch
so you know i'm still talking to you

but
i'm guessing
what really gets the creative juices going
needs to be a little more mentally stimulating
than the kick ass new facial i just invented

but
today
i'm sensing that you want something

or
maybe it's just projection

i want to go someplace

so i'm going to have to make up something

so
be looking for that later

good night sweetheart

did the thumb thing in my dream mean something bad:

http://www.facade.com/tarot/personal/?UID=437454&Date=2%2F18%2F2013&Name=Anonymous&Query=&Deck=voodoo&Reading=single


so, i guess no

is he in any way irritated with me:

http://www.facade.com/tarot/personal/?UID=393404&Date=2%2F18%2F2013&Name=Anonymous&Query=&Deck=voodoo&Reading=single


i guess that could really go either way, but
i'm going with no

upsetting dreams

got assignment to write about construction
it was giving me some trouble
and then
it seemed like every female character
got the top part of her thumbs cut off

what does this mean

i feel you so strongly right now

i dreamed i had facial piercings

i had one
on the bridge of my nose
that made me look
quite frankly
beautiful
younger
and sparkling

but then
i had an unfortunate additional piercing
they cut my cheeks
and put these little bone ornaments under the skin
which created these little pockets

this'll never heal up
i'll have these little pockets
on my cheeks
forever

the bone ornaments were kind of cool

i love you

red ginseng

is better than anti-depressants
it is not
good
or
normal
for me to be depressed
for that long
if I'm not thinking about sex
for months at a time
please urge endocrine tonics
i felt more normal after a tiny spoon
of red ginseng in my tea last night
than i have felt since fall

i ordered more maca last night

had you been near me
you would have been in danger of attack
last night

happy valentine's day, sweetness

bunny

this isn't so much a long complicated dream
although
i am prone to those
and there is an element of science fiction
but
i think the way it made me feel
was the most important thing
but
there may have been some message in there for me too

i was thinking today
how crazy it sounds
that you might send me dreams
that the dreaming is somehow a place
where we are able to communicate

i am probably crazy

and
probably
all this time you have thought
it was some kind of metaphor
but it wasn't
i really thought you could communicate with me that way

but
not lately
lately
i've been struggling
i feel like i'm a metaphor
like
can i give you what you need from me
and
what is that, afterall

and
i don't know
ya know

god won't talk to me at all
and
i've been a little afraid of going sane, ya know
i don't want to be sane
my life's not good enough for sane


so
anyway
this dream
there were babies
they weren't born yet
maybe they were being grown in some sort of brave new world-ness
but i don't think so
i think
i think they were just metaphorically interfaced
for the sake of the dreaming

they were in baskets
like large picnic baskets, sort of
not so different in shape from some of the carriers
people lug their bouncing bundles around

wrapped in white linen
like table linen in a restaurant
[maybe they were buns]

and we were discussing this one baby boy

he had been cooking a while, i guess
and he was big
my younger younger brother was three ounces shy of eleven pounds
this baby wasn't that big
but
he was
at least he seemed
done, so to speak, ready to come and play

they didn't know who he belonged to
they weren't sure what would happen to him

i went to the basket
i peeped in
i rocked the basket slightly
felt his weight shift
i smelled him
i crooned to him
and he reached out to me
with mental tendrils
like we could belong to each other

even though, i think
he might be someone else's child

i think, maybe
it could have been the puppyfish
but i'm not sure

but
i thought
you sent that dream to me
like
even though
it makes no sense
you don't want me to give up on
that dream

try to write it later

most amazing dream
baby boy
so
good

my skin

this is just to catch you up
i don't really expect you to find it enthralling
but
this is what i'm distracting myself with, lately

the korean skin care didn't really work out as planned

maybe
because missha is not a good enough brand
or maybe just because they use a lot of fragrance

fragrance bad m'kay

but
i was getting negative reactions
and
it was like my skin was saying:
ackkk   too may chemicals

so i started cutting back products
but then
i was at the whole foods
and there
calling out to me from the shelf
unrefined, handcrafted, raw shea butter
fair traded to boot, for $8.95
so i got, as well, a small bottle of tamanu oil

i've been hand blending those together
and slathering it on my face

i was a little afraid

shea is protective and moisturizing
tamanu can be drying because it is healing--
anti-acne, anti-bacterial, anti-viral
pro-regenerating new skin

shea sinks right in and dissapears
tamanu is thick and kinda gloopy, and green

and i've been putting bb cream over that
both so i look a little more normal
and
from an inspiration
i saw [when i was looking up makeup tutorials]
a documentary clip about how marilyn monroe transformed herself
with the help of a makeup artist
to go from pretty girl to icon

and
one of the things they did
was slather a thick coat of vasoline on her skin before makeup
which kind of glowed through
making her luminous

i was afraid that i might break out in horrible acne
but
i think my skin is getting better and better

i just worry that i'm not doing anything firming
because, i'm not worried about the wrinkles
i've not got more wrinkles than most of the women i know
who are in their early thirties

and
it's not like it's all slack either
but
it isn't tight and full like it should be

so today i am giving myself facial
i made an hibiscus steam
and then a hibiscus, honey and camu camu mask
[the idea behind this is vitamin c
which boosts collagen production]

i did the first mask with just those ingredients
and i mixed the left over with a clay mask i had
and i'm doing that now

fun fun fun

well
not really
but it's more like research

i don't mean

specifically sexually
except
when i do
mostly
i mean, maybe
maybe he only wants me small
or larger than life
maybe
maybe my quotidian charms lack sparkle
and for that matter
maybe he needs a keeper
and while i want to be a keeper
that isn't the kind
i mean

i worry

that you want me
but
you don't want me
in differing ways
depending
on what
i'm worrying about
maybe
you don't want me
the way i want to be wanted
do you
ever
worry about that

i love you

thinking about you

good morning sweetheart

i feel you this evening