i've been reading some old somatic shrine posts, and i gotta say

i don't think i sound as crazy
as i thought i sounded at the time
that's one thing
what i do sound
is
somewhat adolescent
but
i have to say
i really like that girl
i think she's gonna grow into something
also
i think
i see a marked improvement in my writing
although
she made me tear up a little
so....

i read back over
what i said i wanted
and
i seem to have developed
like a whole mother persona on top of that
and, strangely, i would have said i was very maternal then


they say you don't get any smarter after they take out your wisdom teeth
and mine didn't have enough room to come all the way in
i had them broken out of my jaw
when i was
i don't know
twenty-three, maybe

how old would you say i seem now
it's impossible for me to say

and even when i was hurt and angry
and
really
the other stuff that went down
really made that all a lot worse for me
my depression
never got dangerous
i really don't want to live without you
i don't know how i would ultimately deal with that
but
i was in love with you for years before you knew
and
what no one else on earth would probably understand
is that
real or fake
alive or dead
i am perfectly capable of carrying on some type
of relationship with you

you are not some random guy
i didn't latch on to you because of what you do
or how you look, or any of that kind of stuff
and, in fact
i may have
[although i've certainly tried with due diligence not to]
written in some of what i think is you
filled in too many gaps
that is the danger if you are real
so i have to be diligent

no one could ever really take you from me