very very strange dream last night

i'm not really sure where to start
i can't remember the exact ordering
i'm not sure
what's more
salient

here goes

i was working somewhere, i guess
and
you know how i used to have problems
finding a bathroom
apparently
no longer a problem
i mean
really
trash cans, and whatnot

i find this rather unsettling, now
but in the dream
no problem


i was going to the doctor
i'm not sure why
but
the waiting room
was like a big arcade
there was a swing hanging from the ceiling
i got on it
i loved the swings so so much when i was little
but by the time i was a teenager
it seemed like my knees
didn't quite have the juice anymore
and maybe i was too heavy
but
it wasn't the same
i couldn't get to the full arc
but i did in the dream
plus
i did these figure eights
and twist the chains

it was so so fun

then
i was going to see the doctor
and
i thought i had waited so long
because it was some special plan, or something
but
it turned out
i was paying full price
which was $160, [which seems steep]
but
as i took off my hat and looked in the mirror
i was bald
i don't mean like chemo bald
or cool shaved head bald
i mean
shiny pate under the hat
taking me by surprise
because
hair
normal
otherwise

this is very bad, i thought
how did i miss this before it got to this stage
there's nothing that can be done now
and there is no way he will not find this hideous
crap
how can he love me like this


i find this less unsettling
i get where this comes from
my hair used to be super thick
it's less thick
my father was bald
and super vain
i watched all that growing up

there is one area
which i noticed
way back
before i gave you the second coin
but maybe that same day, or the day before
if i'm in bright light
from just the right angle
i can see my scalp through my hair
when i noticed that
i just about lost my shit
and
you've never noticed it
i know
because
like that same day
you made some reference to propecia
and
you wouldn't have done that
if you though there was any way
i'd take it as referent to me

it's fear that i'm not physically attractive enough for you
i think
that's probably human


i'm not sure what the swing could mean
i'm tempted to think you sent it to me, somehow
but maybe
it's a signal from my body
to push my improved knees a little more


then
i was driving along the highway
there was this couple
or brother and sister
whatever
running
and
tumbling
and i thought i'd try to stop and give them a ride
but there wasn't anywhere to pull over right by them
and when i finally did
i got this strong message
they are dangerous to you, drive away

so i don't know what that was about
seems like a warning
but
about what
don't know

seems like there's something i'm forgetting

for the record
i have looked at hundreds of women's heads
in paranoia
and
there is a lot of variety in hair thickness
the particular density issue
like 80% of men have by 30
but it's maybe 50% of women by 50
so
i'm maybe not at the top of the class
but
i'm not really worried
about that


what i'm most worried about
is my legs
maybe it's just because i'm personally a "legs" person
or maybe it's a comparative thing
but i used to like my calves
and outer hips and thighs
just not knees and inner thighs
but now my calves have
[and ok, it's not just now
you've seen this
and you didn't run screaming from the building]
this like thicker
is it a weird standing muscle
or
water retention
or what
action going on
that i hate


wow
this is super sexy, huh

sorry