i found this, and since i threw out the whole dom thing a while back...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeidIZvh7zg

i don't enjoy psychological control
so i can't see myself as a dom
or a sub
for that matter

i was very attracted to the concept
of negotiation
and consent

i like the aspect of role play that brings out
the bits and pieces of who one is
but the idea of scripting
doesn't seem improv enough to be real life like
but the idea
just the idea
of knowing
exactly what a lover needs
not so much physically, really
i mean to work through something
or get at some layer of desire or kink or whatever

that seems to me to be the opposite of psychological control
but maybe it's not
maybe that is some sort of control
i don't know

i haven't really done as much of that
as i think i'd like
but i don't want
ever
to feel like i'm forcing anything
i find that like a super yuck

but you see the perspective, right


i have had a few submission fantasies
well, no, maybe just one
that i would call actual submission
and it's very halloween actually
i've had it since i was maybe 13 or so
before i read the claiming of sleeping beauty series
i'm in a ritual
with witches
running in circles
dancing around a fire
and they pick me up
bodily
i've completely submitted to the frenzy
and they impale me on
it varies

strangely
when i was in germany
in some museum i now can't remember which
there was this carved wooden sculpture
with an enormous phallus
and i had this really strong reaction to it
like i recognized it
like it was calling to me