goodnight sweetheart
I love you very much

i may be confusing you

why am i showing you pots and pans

they aren't symbolic of anything
i'm just
thinking about a home
and that's triggering the kitchen stuff
i guess
idk, really

so
imma show you this
i'm not buying it
i just found the color
i said i didn't like the cookware being so bright
but then i liked the red pot
and i bought the harvest gold
i said i would like them to be less bright
well
that sort of gradiated cream/caramel brown
that is the perfect color
i mean
they don't make it any more
and i haven't even seen it before
but
apparently they once made it
in the 70s (and maybe 60s and 80s, not sure)
so since i'm showing you my aesthetic
which is super eclectic
(you probably knew that already)
and very 70s provenanced

i love you sweetheart
have a happy day

goodnight sweetheart
I love you very much

goodnight sweetheart
I love you very much
sorry about not posting that
I really thought I had
I really do hope it was good

I'm working on something
and I got distracted
I guess

💋

oops, I just realized I saved this instead of posting it

hope you had a good day
I love you very much sweetheart
stuff I'd like to tell you
and I felt you earlier
it's hard to describe
but
goodnight
sweetheart

nostalgia hit me in the pan

ok
so
i gotta stop with the pots and pans
but i've really been enjoying it
the hunt, ya know
and
whatever
but
when i decided that the chicken fryer wasn't gonna work for popcorn
didn't test it out, mind, just decided
i've been going back and forth in my mind
because what i want
is an old club pan (or pot maybe in this case)
i grew up cooking with them
learned to cook with them
and
they are great pans
but
they are aluminum

does aluminum cause alzheimers?
idk
but i've always had a--  well, it doesn't hurt to just avoid it then, does it
but the other half of me piped up:

but have ya though
because you use "tin foil"
and you buy the shit at the store in the "pie plates"
tea, apparently, is rife with it
or some shit

so i ask you
how selectively are you going to avoid aluminum?

i broke down
i didn't get green
that's what is in my heart
and
i still love that avocado green 70s stuff
but
that is not what i got
i didn't get the brown either
i got

harvest gold

which i think will look good with the blue
and the new red pot
and
i think it's so very beautiful
not as cheap as i hoped
they are semi indestructible pans
so they hold their value

goodnight sweetheart
i love you very much

also

i probably won't buy these
because they are regular small cups
and i tend toward large cups
but
i think these are so so perfect
they are actually a different pattern than the plates
but
i think they match really well
and they have that
like
diner vibe
and they are roughly contemporary
like
if you were shopping in 1979
you could have bought both sets

ok
i just wanted to add that
goodnight sweetheart

goodnight sweetheart
I love you very much

I had a dream about you

I had a dream about you
I'm a little fuzzy
on a couple of details
I met you walking you kid to school
only
it was somehow by my childhood park
like alone the route my father walked me
on the first day
because that was the only day we walked

but I think I must have met you
another time
and we turned down a side street
and it was like
a pocket universe or something
there was a mural
and golden arches
which didn't have to do with McDonald's
and
we spent the day
in a hazy just before sunlight
romantic walk
we called a snow day

it was beautiful

do you remember how i was telling you, maybe you won't

that i bought 8 fire king plates
like, almost 30 years ago
and
i figured that when they broke
i'd buy something else
it wasn't that i loved the look of the fire king
so much as it was good quality, ya know
and inexpensive at the thrift store
and you've seen it in pictures
it's not that pretty
i'm really really kinda sick of it
but
by now
i'm kinda sentimentally attached
so even though i want something else
i'm not really looking
and when i see something
i'm like
that's too fragile, it won't last, it'll chip right away

but last night
when i was tooling around on ebay
i saw this
and i thought
those are the ones
but i didn't think i'd ever heard of denby
so i looked for info on them

this is about the company

so
i thought about making an offer
but i decided to sleep on it
and i didn't wake up til 2pm
but this evening the seller made me an offer
and so i will be the proud owner of these plates
for the next 30 years or so

aren't they beautiful?!

the pan came
it looks awesome
much better than the pictures
I'm uncertain that it's deep enough for popcorn
regardless
it's a wonderful pan
and I'm gonna love cooking with it
I feel confident

still planning on seasoning tomorrow
although
at this point
I'm sure I'll sleep late

goodnight sweetheart
I love you very much

Also, I started watching fleabag
because it got such good reviews
but
I'm not sure I get it
I've just watched a few episodes
and I love the broken fourth wall stuff
and I get
she's lost her mother
and her best friend

and she's funny

but still
there's something I'm missing

maybe
maybe it's got to do with
she seems to be sleeping with men
she just kind of picks up
but
she doesn't seem to be enjoying it

and I find it jarring
the sleeping with strangers
and
then
not seeming to enjoy it much

I guess
I can't remember sex
and
can't imagine picking up a stranger
the people you already know
are already draining
I can't imagine going to the bother
unless the person was pretty special

anyway
so far
I'm not liking it
and
I really thought I would

goodnight sweetheart
I love you very much

I forgot to tell you
I have some
mini carbon steel skillet/wok's
that I'm seasoning too
got them at work too
tried to stovetop season
didn't really work
they kinda sticky

but I think they'll work great

so
gotta go to bed
I already fell asleep in the chair
but
I set an alarm
so I would sleep all night in the chair

love you very much sweetheart
goodnight

continuing saga of the cast iron seasoning

ok
so i went back and forth
part of me said:  you know you want to just use coconut oil
coconut oil is your go to
and
part of me said old school--  two parts actually
because old school couldn't decide between crisco and lard

then
both those sides said eeeeewwwwwwww
because
dead animal fat is gross
but so is gmo soy oil and hydrogenation

another part wanted to compromise with ghee

but all of us are intrigued by beeswax
but that has to be ordered through the mail
and
the pot is coming
maybe tomorrow

and
we want to do this sunday sunday sunday

so
there was nothing for it
except to either buy from the store
or order on amazon
store didn't have anything with beeswax
amazon didn't have the thing i was recommended
so
we compromised
after two days of back and forth
on this

and
we are not confident
almond oil is more of a wood moisturizer
and they seem to make cutting board products
and they don't have a lot of reviews
but
everyone either loves it
or think it doesn't work any better than crisco
which is fine for me as a recommendation
because i think crisco is what i should be using
i just can't

it sure would be cheaper though
so
i guess we'll see
but
ima have something to use on sunday


goodnight sweetheart
i love you very much

visit is over
decompressing now
idk why I stress
most people respond very positively to me
but my experience in email
with Megan
hasn't been such
that I was encouraged
that she wouldn't be super not picky
and though I'm prepared for general nitpicky
I'm not without flaw
so
ya know
worried

Why do I want this pot when there are better ones like it?

https://www.ebay.com/itm/Dansk-Kobenstyle-Red-Enamel-Saucepan-Fondue-Pot-with-Wood-Handle-/254194703708

typically I shy away from red cookware
I have some blue
but only because
I got it cheap at work
I have a small skillet
and a large braised
that are enamel coated thin cast iron
and I like them very well
but
I wish they were not a bright color
I had a set of cookware
that was supposed to last 55 years
it's non-stick stainless
but
it's trash now
I have some nice stainless
but
I don't really like it
and
I've wanted some dansk
but
the colors I like are the chocolate
and the white
occasionally
I try to convince myself
that I like the yellow
but
I'm not quite believing it
but
never
till now
have I been attracted to a red pot
and
it's dirty inside
like
I'm not thinking that'll clean up
it doesn't make any sense to me

why do I want this pot
it's a little bigger I think that the piece
I'm really planning on
which is the butter warmer size
this one looks more graceful, somehow

weird

I slept late
I'm going to bed early
I'm going in early
for last minute stuff
for the official visit
I'm very stressed about it
whatever
it should not be a big deal
I'm just wound up
hormones, maybe

I love you very much sweetheart
goodnight

i fell asleep in the chair again
i bought a cast iron pan
this is it

i was planning to go hunt for old ones to restore
really i was
but
that wasn't the fun part
mostly
mostly i just wanted a good cast iron skillet
and
i may want a smaller one too
but
i'm not really interested in collecting stacks of iron

it may be
that i paid more than i should have
but, really
if it were a new pan it would be cheap
and it's all electroplated-y clean
so basically new, right

i found a beautiful favorite piqua chicken fryer
on etsy
but it was $120.  plus $25 shipping
i can't afford that

i wanted something older, really
but
when i saw the cooking surface
i kinda fell in love
i wanted something with a lid
because i need a new popcorn pan, mostly
but
i do need lids for things generally

i will not be frying chicken
so
it's from the 50s
not as glamorous
and it's not red mountain
also not as glamorous
but
it's clean
and solid
and
i'll get to season it
which will be plenty of work

but look at that cooking surface
it's so smooth
i really hope it's as nice as it looks

i love you sweetheart
i gotta go to bed

I love you
sweetheart

well
I stayed up really late
so back to my bad habits

I may be
about to have a period
I have a big acne coming up

or
maybe it's stress

I love you very much sweetheart
goodnight

I love you

I'm at work early
out in my car, actually
I had to go to the Post office
and I wasn't sure how long it's take

I had bad dreams
working in a warehouse
stacking sale product on cardboard fixtures

I don't know what's wrong with me
but
I'm feeling despondent-y
I don't think anything
that's actually happening
is worthy of this
so
maybe I'ma go with
hormones outa whack

I wish I could play hooky

I hope you're ok
I love you very much ❤️

ordered that one thing

hope you're doing well
headache today
stayed up late
was tired of sleeping
still kinda out of it though

maybe it's just summer
it's the heat

anyway
i'm going to bed now

i love you sweetheart

food experimentation

ok
so, tempeh
is not something i've really gotten into
i want to eat it
it appeals to me in theory
but
when i go to the store and look at it
it has this gray action goin on and i cannot

one year i got a tofurkey
and it was
as you might expect
pretty bad
but the tempeh drumettes were delicious
which goes to show
tempeh can be delicious

so
but anyway
i've been thinking
soy milk oatmeal
i could make the soy milk
and then i'd have the okara left over
and i could make tempeh with it
so
i've been analyzing (in between other things
for a little while now)
what else to put in with it
and i was leaning toward millet
mostly because i had some millet
which was like thanksgiving dinner somehow
at the krishna center nearly 30 years ago
and it still haunts me

but
tonight
i found this
[you have to go a little more than half way down
to find the picture i mean
it's 1/3 red seda bean 1/3 red beans 1/3 soy beans]
and that
looks appealing
bacon-esque, if you will

but
i think i'm gonna try it
just with the seda beans though and okara instead of whole bean soy
i gotta figure out the process
and
order the supplies
and work up the nerve
but
i am planning to try it
unless i talk myself out of it

pretty happy about this development
cannot wait to hear

goodnight sweetheart
i love you

I ordered that book from audible
read by the author
I love you very much
good night sweetheart

I got all that extra sleep
I feel like I should feel really good
but
I don't
I'm super depressed
like I want to cry
what's up with that?

I hope you're doing well
I love you sweetheart

goodnight sweetheart
i'm going to bed
i'm trying to get caught up
i was running on about 4hrs a night for a while there
and then i had the inventory
now
now i gotta get ready for some official visit in a week
but
i keep trying to find cool stuff
and it's just not adding up to much fun
i'm sorry
i feel like i'm neglecting you

if you can
meet me in dreamland
i love you very much

goodnight sweetheart
I love you very much

I'm over my boss right now
He's flipping out over my variance
for inventory
he's acting like idk what I'm talking about
and
yesterday
he called it
the US LADIES soccer
I really like the old him
but
this recent him
blows

They're WOMXN dude

goodnight sweetheart
I love you very much
up at 1 tomorrow

it's funny how
if you're still up
it's the best time of day
but
if you're up early for morning
after sleeping
it's a terribly unreasonable time of day
even if you had nine hours of sleep
as opposed to the 4-6 you usually get

Ok I'm going to bed now
I have to back shift
for inventory Tuesday
I'll be up at 2:30 or 3
Tuesday I need to get up at 1

I love you very much sweetheart

I really like this tiny house, except not the elevator bed and not the bathroom, but otherwise

https://rockymountaintinyhouses.com/?s=san+juan

Active Sequence

did you feel the earthquake?

I've never felt one
and I'm kind of fascinated
by the California disaster-y stuff

I've seen fires
not the worst of it
but surreal enough of an experience
to give me a taste

and then, of course
hurricanes, sure
flash flooding, yes
tornadoes, even, a little
not like tornado alley
but
one did go through my back yard
knocking down trees
and
I've had some other slight brushes
again
not like tornado alley

they are showing water moving in swimming pools
but
that isn't giving me any idea
what it's like

plus
it's not centered where you are
but how far away would one feel it?

I hope you're ok
I love you very much

I love you
sweetheart

fell asleep in the chair again
I love you very much sweetheart

I hope you had a happy 4th
that was really good
and I love that one
it is one of my favorites

i love you

I'm hopeful that my taper will tape
it's a holiday
so
I'm not sure
but
hopefully