i slept in
it's been rough for me lately
i'm trying to get extra sleep
i set an alarm
but
i snoozed a bit
i'm a snoozer
my cat hates it
wtf he says
if you want to get up then get up
otherwise, why disrupt my sleep
he's a morning person
so
i got up
and checked my phone
and had thoughts
i have to admit
since i checked my phone first
one of my first thoughts was
jeez 10 emails?
i thought everyone had already sent me
3 black friday emails
i already did my holiday shopping
i can't afford the skin care stuff i want from mahalo
ya'll should just crank it back a notch
but
i did move on from there
maybe, i thought
maybe my problem
maybe my problem is
that i've never really been grateful for my life
i was obviously interested enough
in checking out of it
that my father talked to me about it at age 7
and at one point i thought
no that was just some free associated riff
based on whatever he was into at that point
but no
when i compared notes
my brother an i got completely different talks
and they were preciently useful
so
either the guides were giving him pointers
or he knew that
for me
this life was not worth the trouble
so
there's a way in which
it's like an apartment that isn't worth decorating
because it's just rented, ya know
how long ya gonna really be there
also an element
of running out the clock
and
those elements
they don't contribute anything useful
they're better off discarded
the fortune teller got it wrong
i'm not gonna have a kid who's a scientist
get involved in his work
and that's gonna make me live longer
i'm not gonna have a kid
but
i stopped smoking so i could have a kid with you
and got involved with your work
and those things
probably
will make me live longer than i would have done
and
rather than thinking wistfully about how i should have kept smoking
how useless the extra time is
and at the end when everything is so much crappier
no kid, probably dying alone
how much extra time i think
50 cigarettes a day
supposedly 17 minutes less per cigarette
i used to think that as i'd smoke em
times 9 years
50 x 365 x 9 x 17 = 2,792,250
2,792,250 minutes longer
this is where i get a little fuzzy
17 / 60 = 0.283333333333333333
2,792,250 x 0.283 = 790,206.75
is that right
i had a lot of trouble deciding if it should be
multiplication or division
but hours has to be less that minutes
so i think it has to be multiplication
but
i could be wrong about it
so
790,206.75 / 24 = 32,925.28
32,925.28 / 365 = 90.206
so
wait
i've added 90 years to my life
by quitting smoking to have a baby with you
there weren't 90 years ever to begin with
the whole 17 minute thing has got to be a propagandistic lie to begin with
but
did i do the math right?
i've got like a whole-nother life
maybe
maybe i can
maybe i can be grateful
for
for this
for this one
