legs

when I was in college
there was a stage I went through
that I think of as my exercise addiction stage
and
at that point
I marveled at the way my legs seemed
springy
like
rather than impacting the cement
I seemed to bounce
like tigger or some shit


but
the last few days
I am having a concomitant experience


I'm not springy
but my legs
they feel like normal legs
not like some heavy shit I gotta drag around


I feel
physically
like
almost


no don't jinx it


good


like
maybe
I might pirouette through the store


I'm not sure why
maybe it just reached a tipping point
I've been getting better


so
cool

weird dreams

I dreamed about this room
I can't remember all the context
but
they took me to this room
which was bliss, or whatever
there was a guy there
plugged in
so to me it just looked like coma
but
that's what he wanted, supposedly
then, somebody with me
again, I don't remember who or why
or who they were to me
just the action of it
drank a bunch of swigs of this
like juice or something
and just winked out of existence
supposedly, he became part of the room
so
since it was bliss
is supposed to be like
dying and going to heaven


the room just didn't seem that damn good


lot of pattern and texture, though


there were more dreams
I was a police officer
I had to go to a party
where something had happened
I knew the people
and I didn't want to go


driving winding roads at night


then before I woke up
I was failing to sell people coffee beans
couldn't help them
partially because they were the kind of customer who will not be made happy
and partly
because I didn't seem to have any idea what we had-- stockwise
what is your most recent blend
I didn't know


then
we were closing
but then it was a house
and the bedroom didn't get cleaned properly
the wrapper was still on the spray cleaner
I'm opening them
collecting litter
preparing to clean


the dream is telling me
or the meta dream
a new way to sign my name
where the last letter becomes a 7
is more powerful
will bring me luck

it's one week til my birthday

and you'd think
maybe
I'd be unhappy about it
but
I'm not
I'm excited
which makes no sense
nobody is throwing me a big party
and I have to work
but
I still think
wow, it's my birthday,  cool
hopefully I'll do something fun
probably should start workin that out now
but
there's always birthday cake
which is awesome
and for some reason
49 seems cool again
which hasn't happened since 41 or 42
I think
whatever
I'm falling apart
and aging
but
maybe I'll get a penata or play pin the tail on the donkey like when I was a kid
who can say
I can't
it's a very real possibility

next week is a promo reset so weird hours again

don't freak out
I don't know when the internet will be fixed
I will be getting up in the middle of the night
and going to be in the afternoon
I might be grumpy
plus
I have to go to dinner with my mom
on Thurs or Fri
after I'm done
but
you are not the source of the grumpy
even if I get grumpy
which
ya know
I might not
it went pretty good last time
so we'll see
should have gotten up early today
but decided to sleep late instead
yesterday
I went to tjmaxx and they had "free people" there, which I was inclined to just pass by as a trendy brand, but
they looked so slouchy bohemian
I had to try them on
and I found one shirt I liked
I bought two
they are navy blue
same shirt I mean, just quantity two
I do that when I find a shirt I really like
it's part of how I wear the same stuff for years and years
well, and I wash everything on delicate

i love you

I'm a little worried about you
but
I'm not sure why
hopefully everything is ok
and
you had a great new year