ok, i don't remember any dreams with you in them

but
I slept a long time
and i think I only remember the last one
but
it was a doozie
and doesn't completely make sense


there was a part
where I was trying to live with my dad
but that seemed to mean
I lived in my car
my key didn't work
I could never get in the apartment
I could never get him on the phone
I couldn't make I to work on time
because I could never get access
to the shower
or my clothes


but
I also couldn't reach work on the phone
so I didn't know what time
I was really supposed to be there
I figured
by the time I got this resolved
I'd have too many points
and be fired


I went to this building
to try and find my father
there was this museum display
maybe it was cooking implements through history
not sure
it had these little room type things set up
but they weren't chronological


I forgot
I had an ok car
but it might have been a BMW
I had a white on white polka dot leather
like across between a briefcase and a messenger bag
and my key chain had a rubber chicken
not like cute
like old school rubber chicken


I found my father and
brothers (still kids)
and new mutant sibling
it was pretty shriveled on it's lower body
and didn't look quite real


there was a heavy bag
and i had to carry it
through a maze of refrigerators
and then we reached this place that looked like a mine shaft
ok, my father says looking at my brother
either I am
or you are
going to get a trunk on our car from this
leading us down the mine shaft
to the custom kitchen planning room
all our stuff is put into a mine cart
and I'm wheeling it along
I almost run over my mutant sibling
who they have left on the track at the end


and then
my father begins this
bizarre disturbing performance
which is maybe part Blair witch part lion king


he is showing dead frogs
and roots
and I don't know what
to explain how
my brother is like
the chosen king of everything

i fell asleep on the sofa

I dreamed
that I fell asleep on the sofa
and I woke up
I had had a huge glass of ice
which had mostly melted
but was still ice cold
there were mothy shadows on the ceiling
and then I staggered outside
drinking my icy water
spilling it all down the front of me
soak in my tshirt and panties
looking up
before it's dawn, but already lightening
flowers and berries on bowers
above my head
against the sky
then staggering across the yard
to some giant anthill or something
being afraid
then the whole yard sloped upward
to a tree that looked like some sort of alter
then back up to the front door
a young girl screams for help from a window next door
and
I am in a black and white movie
starring Anne Bancroft
I am rushing up escalators
trying to get
somewhere 

i'm not in bed yet

I still need to take my pills
and clean off my makeups
but
I've been reclining on the sofa
and
I'm feeling you
and
I don't want to get up to do that stuff

i have to admit

I've been pretty down lately
and
I have been having a hard time
believing
but
the dead bodies with spears
on the railroad tracks
and
they were wrapped in white sheets
like shrouds
weird

i think i dreamed about you all night

I can't remember most of it
and I don't really have time right now
but
it wasn't what I expected
we were not alone for one second
and there was possibly
the beginning of some sort of
I'm not sure
there were bodies with spears through them
all over the railroad tracks
and
injured people
drinking each others blood
but
there was some good stuff too
and
it was good to see you
let's try it again tonight

i'm going to bed

in just a few minutes
meet me
I need
a hug
and we could talk, maybe

or

maybe
I'm wrong
and
you hate me now

i was kinda scared

that I had pissed you off too much
and
you would just figure I wasn't fun any more
but
I feel you today baby
I love you

the dreams

are all like
redheaded ballet dancer fairy stepmothers
coming out of the woodwork
and living in quirky little campers


I know you're trying to help me


I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings
I sometimes feel like
you don't understand my situation
like you don't hear me
but
you got your own shit to deal with
I know
I probably just need to get laid
not gonna do that though

i'm up to 18 gotu kola a day

and I'm stopping there
I warned you
if you want me to stop communication
i can
but
the filter
it's damaged

i've had very strange dreams the last two nights

i feel you today

I woke up with a goofy song in my head
one I don't even think you'd know
but
then
I have been feeling
like you're
like, petting me, almost
very gently
and
whispering sweet things to me
so
if you're doing that
that is the perfect level of psi-touch
perfect
and
I love you

but, i am much better

just not fixed yet
I'm working almost pain free
and the compression socks
so sexy

no, that was it

I'm already taking chaga and reishi
though not in the quantities I'd like
because I cannot afford to
and i got some Gaia herb hawthorn
so rather than taking a bunch of CVS
my plan is to wean to two doses a day
morning and night of
higher grade
I'm not sure if it will work
but, if it does
it should be better for me
and save about twenty bucks a month
more really
because I'm taking two different formulas
one with turmeric
the nattokinase
I might take every other night
or just one a night, I think
that's not really a megadose type thing
the carnosine
I might megadose a little
for a month or so
but
I've got to get this
cheaper
I thought I'd be aging backwards by now

new supplements

I'm starting to scale back the hawthorn
and a little on the msm
but I'm still ramping up the gotu kola
I'm holding steady on the the ala
and I'm adding in carnosine
not carnatine
probably will take that with coq10 eventually
but
carnosine is an anti glycation
anti oxidant
plus
nattokinase
probably some other stuff
I'll update later

ok, what's going on today

it's like
you're touching me
and remember, I haven't been having sex
for seven years
I got a short fuse
it doesn't take much
I can almost not stand it
the cascade
of feeling through my body
please
whatever you are doing
do it gentler
I'm working here

i think i may have found my perfect blush

I haven't been totally happy
with anything except one
which I like
but
it wasn't perfect
wet n wild berry shimmer
it's kinda red
but if I use like three grains
and blend it out
it looks just like the color
I natural blush
$2.99
who knew

did i ever tell you

I collect
percussion instruments


I don't have as many as I used to
I got rid of some
but
apparently I still do
because we have some at work
right now
that i want, bad


I don't claim
to be any good at playing them
but
I love them


I think it started when I was about nine
but
like I said
I culled them a few years ago
I've only got one drum though
and I don't like it much
it's mostly
things
that would count as rattles
of various sorts

dream with me tonight

I want you there
try
to meet me in dreamland
I'll be there soon
and I'm getting up about 5:30

are you thinking about me, cause it's like i feel ya today too

what's up
I started to say
my brotha
because
I don't know why
silly I guess

i just dreamed

I mutilated my earlobes
for style
at a party
woke up
wimpering

and i assumed i was currently mega dosing

I believe heavily in mega dosing
but
I have just finally
reached a clinically relevant dosage
fuck
so
it's gonna take a while
and I might need to up it some more
but
the ALA is helping
and
only the freaking body builders
are willing to give dosage on that
and they're as bad as me
they're all like
take a couple twice a day
unless you got some funky shit going on
then take four
no, just take four, yeah that's good
but they're talking about RALA
so
I'm taking two
every two to three hours
but
I don't think that has mood altering qualities
but
yeah
that's what I'm like

full disclosure

I just started the first happy happy blood time
I've had since the last time I mentioned it
and
I'm up to like 15 gotu kola a day
so
I'm basically pretty juiced