i have to start talking again

and i miss you
really a lot
but
i don't know what to think
and
maybe it doesn't matter

i had another dream
i think you were in that one too

but
my foot was super damaged
i thought they were amputating my little toe
but
it turned out, no
the toe stayed
the bulk of the inside of my foot went

and
somehow i got home without after care instructions

was i supposed to do this like my aunts bed sore
basically pour in hydrogen peroxide
stir it up
clean that out
and pack with betadine soaked gauze

i didn't know
there wasn't anything in it now

i had been staying at my mom's
and it wasn't like anyplace we ever lived
it was beautiful
and large

and she wanted me to get out
she had a hook up in the works

i really don't think i can drive myself anywhere
can't i just stay in the front bedroom
it has a bath
i'm not getting around well enough to mess up your hook up
even if i wanted to


i can't remember exactly what you said to me
something like
that you loved me
and you had somebody else
so things were complicated
and, oh yeah
you had moved to a different place
but
even though she was across town
she was watching you like a hawk
and
why was any of that a problem for me

it wasn't such a good dream

i can't remember how i hurt my foot
seriously, it was like just the bones and outer shell
all hollow and scary

nobody seemed to care