warning: this might be a long post [some shit went down]

so
i got up early because i had extra work to do
but
i also asked for a sign, just because, ya know
the gate wouldn't open to get out of my apartments
so i had to go looking for the other gate

and i'm thinkin:
this is my sign:  no exit

then
i go to work
and things are going ok-ish until-- smash
i was rushing against time
and now i have a huge mess to clean up
but i get it all cleaned up before we open, so cool

and i'm thinkin:
that's my message:  it's gravity day

so
i'm all tryin to look on the bright side and shit
and whatever
i'm bouncin around and bein all effervescent and shit

and i'm thinkin:
that's my message:  it's all attitude

then i come home
and i'm hungry and tired and trying to think
what to write to you

and my mother IMs me:  call her

god damn it

my step father is having heart surgery this week


and
not to make this about me
but, shit, ya know
i can't deal

and
they don't want a second opinion
they aren't gonna research it
to know what to expect
or what's gonna happen afterwards

and my mom
i don't think she's competent to take care of him
and
i don't really want to insert myself into this
i don't really want to be involved
i don't really want to go to my mom's house
[she's kind of a horder]
but
he's gonna be fucked up after

when my dad had his heart surgery
i couldn't even recognize him after
he was gray and he looked like he'd died and been resuscitated
i had to find the bed number to find him in recovery

and my dad
he was always kinda tough, ya know
my step dad
i don't think he can handle this
my mom
is a super-crappy caregiver

i don't like this landscape at all




no exit
gravity day
it's all attitude


shit