religious thoughts

so
it's coming back around to the cycle
that i don't get

this is what i don't get:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVNKdx1Wt7M&feature=related

i don't much care for the god as daddy metaphor
but, whatever, we'll run with it

where does daddy go
for apparently
everyone else

where does this disconnection start


i would never need to get ready for inspection
i assume i am being minutely inspected, constantly
mostly by myself
but
as part of the same sort of thing
more like constant karma
you reap what you sew
but
nobody's perfect
so
just try to fix the screw ups
on the ground
in real time

this is not contrary to my understanding
of jewish ethics
[am i wrong]

so then
what gives


now
where i realize
i'm different
is that little conversation
when i was about eight:

i love you god, and
i'll do whatever you tell me to do
just tell me

and
i didn't mean some sort of vague, general love
i meant love however i understood love at eight
for the one who had been there for me
and hadn't hurt me
from the beginning
it wasn't fatherly love
it was intimate


now
it has occurred to me, since
multiple times, actually
that it might not actually be god
it might be
a spirit, an entity hanging around me
that's possible
they talk about psychics having stuff like that

but
when i've felt entities they have seemed very separate
and maybe that's because they were not nice entities
so they were at a different frequency
so
maybe what is with me isn't GOD
but it vibrates on KGOD
so
i figure good enough
and
i want to vibrate on KGOD frequency too

so
i don't really ever disconnect

i get depressed
and god is there
but god steps back, you know
i get really angry, sometimes stupidly
but god steps back, you know
it's always
me and god
"god-daddy" never leaves
i would have to turn and walk away from "him"