the first
i was sitting in a lake
around me were signs
signs with beautiful pictures of mountain sunsets
moving pictures
and i was happy and peaceful in the lake
but then i realized that i couldn't see
what was beneath the surface
and i started to get scared
but there was a tibetan monk there next to me
he was still and placid above the water
but beneath the water
his feet were a frenzy of motion
catching fish with his toes
i got out of the lake
and i was in a small town
the center of all activity seemed to be the clubhouse
and everyone kept their clothes
there at the clubhouse
but there didn't seem to be a spare closet for me
so i walked up and down the room
which was sort of like a locker room
in that it had long benches down either side
but it wasn't segregated by sex
some people were complaining that they were missing something
accusing others of stealing their things
but it didn't seem very serious
and then there was this woman
she was wearing a red transparent skirt
she was shaved
and kind of scary
and the skirt was attached to her mons with double-sided tape
then on the other side of the room
a man negotiated space for one hanger
which held his special ties
i noticed
that they all seemed to have secret shortcuts
in and out of the clubhouse
everything cut through there somehow
i went outside
and i saw this guy somehow through the building
he looked a little like warren zevon
but then i realized it was this guy i knew from the bookstore
who i hadn't even realized looked anything like warren zevon
and what was yet another person from so long ago doing in my dreams
we were sort of friends
he had been a communications major
a dj at his college
which was some small private liberal arts college
which i can't remember the name
and, he claimed, he had worked as a gigolo
anyway
i found out over time
that he had a weird thing
which i find deeply disturbing
it's a confused sexual identity
paired with a sort of nazi fetishism
not like a neo-nazi thing
more like the uniforms and accoutrement
but still
crawling flesh yuck
so him i'm seeing through the windows
the second
my stepfather was a different guy
he was, i don't know, clint eastwood or something
i was a teenager
and he was cool in his black leather hat
i had a stepbrother who looked like sean
this guy i used to know who i always found attractive
and i'm all like totally:
you know i'm your favorite
which seems very flirty
i mean, i can be flirty
but it's usually more broadly friendly
than aggressive
but it was kind of a family joke, somehow
then i went to the coffee house
i was going to do a promotion with j
for free if they would just let me do it
and then r says they only give a three cent employee discount
and i can't remember anymore what the discount was
and the manager starts asking me questions
from the training guide
which they've changed
so i don't know the new answers
so he walks the path of the ginger vase with me
and he asks me:
can you think of anything else that blooms
as we walk into the break room
and i say:
don't talk to me like i'm five years old
and this guy sitting in the break room
starts telling me:
you're an intelligent woman
but you have a sharp tongue
and men don't like that, honey
you need to be
like the spoon in the glass of water
what does that mean
and i start to turn to ask him
and i'm like:
taylor griffith (another guy from the book store)
is that you
and he doesn't remember me
so what do i remember about taylor
he was a razorback
he was one of two people i worked with from arkansas
one north, one south, i can't remember who was who
and they were constantly bickering about
which half of the state were hillbillies
he marginally knew mary steenbergen
he was a teacher (maybe english, not sure)
and this was his second job
and, in the dream, he had been in the movie princess bride
and there was this whole new section
which i found myself caught inside
this knight said:
be careful
he'll drop his tricks on you now
and he was dropping these banners
which would flutter and fall on me
and they had pellets of acid
or small landmines
embedded in the cloth
and i was trying to keep them from touching me
and i just thought
that book store closed recently
so maybe i'm thinking about it
and maybe that explains why the parade of characters
but why these guys i don't know
i mean, i don't think i could have recalled taylor under torture
steve and kelley and maggie all spring immediately to mind
but i can't remember their last names
i'm not sure why my brain is doing this stuff
why is it important to remember what i'm remembering
