in that dream nearly a week ago
i was talking to my cousin about tuberose
it's not actually a type of rose, i said
it's more like paperwhite but it doesn't smell as bad
i can't actually remember what tuberose smells like
but paperwhites smell that kinda sickly sweet smell
like when there's something rotting, at least to me
strangely there were silk flowers everywhere
but they looked really real
and she kept asking me
one by one
whether they were real or not
then
for some reason i felt my abdomen
and i could feel my ovaries
not in a realistic way
they were large and firm
they were a lot like a budding bulb
or some sort of sprouts
and my feeling at the time, in the dream
was that they were healthy and full
there was more to the dream
involving male members of my family
which i found disconcerting
but which i cannot now recall
and i wondered if perhaps i had misinterpreted
maybe it was a warning against tubal pregnancy (ectopic)
and i have since considered that
the last time i saw my cousin was right after
her daughter was born
so i don't really know what it meant
oh
and there was a masturbatory section to the dream as well
within the last few days
i dreamed some very complicated ceremony
with these druid dudes
and they kept giving in little by little
to something like the devil
but it was for the good
and i was supporting myself in a door frame
stretched in kind of an X
and finally
once they had done just enough ceremony
i was penetrated from behind
and then the toilet exploded
there was another
i was in a hotel room
with two other couples and a man i was with
we each had three pills: a pain pill, a sleeping pill, and something else
and the man asked me to get his pills for him
i said: i'm not sure i can walk
because i had already taken mine
but i got up and went to the counter
one of the women asked me to give her her cigarettes
the upper half of the wall was window
and as i walked by i looked out
there was water at the window level
it had rained so much it was flooding
i woke up
and i had a pinched nerve in my leg
and i thought: oh shit
and went back to sleep
when i woke up again it was back to normal
last night
i was following you around to different dances
but i never got to dance with you
i think there was a lot to that part but i don't remember
then i was at a concert
there were these two guys playing together
which they didn't, normally
one looked kinda like your uncle buddy
not my uncle buddy (who, come to think of it is actually my second cousin)
he's a six foot six private detective who was doing time for wire tapping and conspiracy to commit murder
anyway so the uncle buddy is the one who wrote the songs
and the younger guy is singing them with him
this one song
they are singing in rounds
and it's captivating me how differently the lyrics sound
the different meaning they each give just by tone and inflection
and suddenly i am seeing the lyrics
like i'm looking them up on the internet
but i am still in the theater
the bridge is in japanese
and i am wondering why this guy has japanese in his song
when suddenly he is sitting right next to me
he seems drunk
and i'm not sure if he's flirting with me or what
but he asks me three separate times like he can't remember that he asked before:
do you see those, do you know what they are, what do you think
pointing at these round things hanging from the ceiling
i do see them
at first i think they are lights or lanterns
but they are actually balloons
but i don't know what i'm supposed to think about them
so i say:
they seem to still have buoyancy
which then seems odd to say because they are hanging from the ceiling
not floating up to the ceiling
then, suddenly, the announcer is saying the show is over
and buddy is kinda pissed that he was out talking to me
he thought he was giving the other guy a chance
and that he was going right back
but now the show seems to be over
i am in the front row on the side, flanking the stage
so he just jumps up and gets right back on
and across the room i see you when you stand up
you've been sitting in the center section about half way back
i had no idea you were here but you saw me talking to buddy
and now you're leaving and i can't get to you
you have on this huge black and white plaid flannel shirt
open like a jacket over your t-shirt
it's kinda hanging on you artfully
and i think about how beautiful you are
and then you turn and walk away
