roof, windows, lampshade and apples the size of a bowling ball, well almost

i dreamed
about a house
my mother bought
when she was trying to get custody
or
more accurately, perhaps
i dreamed of my cousin
she was a child again, i was
not
i was visiting her in her room
which, in the dream, was different
was a room that didn't really exist
but, in the dream, we both knew
it had been my room

and she said:
what i love most
about this room
is that it smells of
you
this touched me

there were smallish windows wrapping
around the walls, set high
above the line of sight
and the room used
to be a bathroom
her friends
pouring in the windows
startled
i looked up
ceiling gone
like i always thought
it should be
the roof
seemed
to breathe
aspirating against the stars

i escaped to the living room
a lamp with a bright yellow shade
my gaze couldn't evade
thought i tried
and on the shelves
in front of books
in front of stuff
in front of ..................... whatever
apples
in rows
neatly
some the size of a large fiji
some approaching ................. surreal
some approaching .........................
........................... mythic .......
..........................................

and my aunt
who didn't look
like my aunt
any of them
thin
haggard
harpy
hating

to her i said:
you know
my mother put a forty year roof
not that long ago
not realizing that
in this case
not that long ago
would mean
the time it takes
from birth til high school graduation
but still
it should be under warranty

she answered me:
get the hell out of here

bits and pieces

i have had some really interesting dreams
but they haven't stuck
i am not really happy about that
because they seem like they might have
had something interesting to tell me
but
what're ya gonna do
but
i just now remembered part of last night's dream
so i'll tell you what i can remember

i was at a movie theater
i had a baby with me
in one of those basket-like baby carriers
the kind you can set down
they are kinda awkward to carry
but that's all i ever saw people using
anyway, i was carrying the baby in one of those

i'm talking to the baby
i buy a small coke
there are counters set up
all over the place
and i get distracted by someone
who i guess is trying to sell be something
a book of coupons or tickets or something
i can't quite remember
the booth he's in
reminds me of those gypsy fortune teller machines
that used to be all over when i was a kid
but now you never see them
like the one in "big" you know the ones i mean

and i'm trying to find my theater number
and the whole place looks like a sports arena
or something, large and round, with doors going in
and i've had dreams about this sports place, thing, whatever
i know i've dreamed about it before
but i can't remember those dreams
and i don't know why i'm taking the baby to the movies
this kid is way too young for the movies

and there's more
more i can't remember
there's another person trying to sell me something
and my artful deflect
because i'm trying to get to the movie
and maybe there's a phone call
i vaguely remember a phone call
maybe to the babydaddy
which might be important, but i just can't remember

next thing i remember
i have somehow passed my number
and am irritated that i have to back-track
how could i have missed it the first time
but
there was nothing wrong with the baby
there was nothing wrong with me
nothing bad happened
this is like a big improvement over past baby dreams
i mean
i would have preferred to be interacting with the kid more
instead of mostly schlepping it around
and
i mean
it still doesn't make much sense
sports-stadium-movie-theater-with-predatory-vendors, whatever
me and spawn were tight

that dream i mentioned from before: look out the window, see the big picture, smell the earth

that dream i had
the one before i got this little cold-type-thing
it was very vivid
and it had a smell
my dreams don't usually have smells
it's very rare
so, right or wrong, i tend to think
it's supposed to give the dream emphasis
it has some message, importance

in this dream
i was living in sort of a modified dome
it kinda reminded me of these really pretty-big shelters
that they had at the big woodsy park a little ways out of town
bear creek, it was called
the park where my brownie troupe went for potlatch (or whatever)
the park where my friend C had her wedding reception picnic
the park had shelters the whole wedding reception used one
the brownie potlatch used three, i think

the dome reminded me of
these big concrete shelters
not like a geodesic dome
and it was earth sheltered
and somehow multi-leveled

i had a painting
i was on the highest level
and i reached out the window
and hung the painting on the side of a building
then i went down to the lower level
the window stretched across the entire wall
like a movie screen
above my head now that i was lower down

and the smell
the smell was earth
good clean earth smell

and i looked up
up and out the window
the painting was on the side of the building
and the building seemed somehow to be a mountain
or part of the mountain
or maybe in front of the mountain
it seemed like a skyscraper maybe
i'm not too clear on that
because the painting
which had been pretty good sized
was now enormous
like a giant vertical billboard
the perspective had shifted
and from my new vantage point
i could see the big picture
or something like that

i don't know if that was metaphor
or if it meant something specific
i want to say that you were standing there with me
but i didn't write that down, so i'm not positive

the important things
were:
the window
the perspective
the smell of earth

what do you think the smell of earth means?

stuff i can remember from my dreams

i have had some weird images in my dreams
when i woke up this morning
i felt like my fever had broken
although i hadn't really thought i had one

my hair was thin
like it had fallen out in clumps
i covered it with a veil
i covered the veil with dried fruits
there was something somewhat religious about it
or maybe it was holy, i'm not sure

i've had several where i was playing, or developing
computer games
and some where that mixed with the dream
some avatar pre-view inspired mash-up
"devil's lily pods"

i was working in san antonio
at an outdoor event
putting makeup on people
i left the table to go get sunblock so i wouldn't burn
it kept alternating between blinding sun
and rain rain rain

in another i was being audited by a company
for which i no longer worked, but they didn't seem to realize
and the the auditor really liked me
it was affecting her work and making me uncomfortable
i was living at my mother's house
but it wasn't much like her house actually looks
i went into the bathroom
there were shells stuck to the walls
they were all white like plaster
there was some netting trailing off the walls as well


it's all been less than coherent
though some of it has been fun
devil's lily pods involves lots of swinging through the air
there's a dream that i had before i got sick
that i wrote in my journal, but haven't gotten here yet
and i'll try to do that soon

this morning i thought you snagged me
just for a minute there
like being pulled out of body
temporarily
it might have just been a wishful quaking
if i'm lucky
maybe i'll dream of you tonight

strange dreams, don't know what they mean

last night i had a very strange dream cycle
now this may just be because i have a cold
i think it's a cold, might be allergy, but
i definitely do not have swine flu
i'm just not that sick
but my brain works differently when it's in repair mode
so the dreams were weird

the first of two parts that i remember
i was living in this house with other people
in the dream my mom owned it
one of the girls i lived with is a girl
who used to work for me
she was from the country
and she would use this phrase: i'm grain fed
the way i would use: i'm butch
i.e. to mean: i'm tough, i can handle what you throw at me, i can lift heavy objects
and i wasn't much like me i was young and pretty
and i had a lover who looked like apollo from battlestar gallactica
who i don't find attractive in real life, but in the dream, yes
and he wanted to take me away somewhere
and the house kept flooding, every day
which might come from a conversation that i had with my mom about venice
and i felt bad to be leaving grain-fed-girl to deal with the house
but i thought, if i can get rent from the people who live there
i can afford a small place of my own
i went into town
it was a western town
and i rented rooms above a shop for $200. a month
the bathroom was down the hall

then i was driving to a small town
i want to say it was in the midwest, but i'm not positive
it was a farming community, i know that
and i was going for some kind of festival
and the mayor was confused about basic details
and some people were telling me about the festival
and they said: the electricity will go out at 1pm
why is that, i asked them
well, it's all to do with the 13s
13th day of 13th month at 13:13 (that's 1:13)
yeah, i get the military time, i've had digital watches
well, the electricity goes out, that's all
and it makes things difficult for the festival

and then i was driving down the street again
i stopped at a light
and the rigid metal parts of my car went soft
like warm caramel
and when i started through the light
i left pieces of my car behind
it still drove fine, but i was concerned
i stopped and parked
and as i stepped away from the car
i had in my hands what i guess was the engine
but it was a silver box about 11"x17" with two small belts
one was broken and one seemed loose
otherwise it seemed functional but didn't look like a car engine

i needed to look under the hood
i needed to get back into the car to release it
but i couldn't find the key
so i went into an open sided barn
maybe just a covered horse area
opened my case and dug through it
there were many many necklaces
there were many many keys
there were these huge carved mother of pearl koi earrings
they were amazingly beautiful
but i couldn't find the key

these dreams are getting multi media

footage from a reality show, a sort of competition
done, i believe, at some university
teams were building constructions of food
it wasn't exactly cooking, they were told what
foodstuffs to use, it was focused on one team
they were almost done with the construction
beautiful tomato slices precariously balanced on top
and then some sugary item was thrown at them
that would ruin their building, it's taste anyway
when this one guy on the team pulls out a paint brush
and starts painting windows or something that wouldn't
significantly change the taste, saving the day
they play an inset screen of him painting the mane
of a horse on a fountain sculped cake
he is the only person to ever get .999 in the artistic category

then the hero is knocking on a door
other: how did you find me here?
door opens enough to see it is a small room with a massage table and a toilet and the other is wearing only a towel
hero: i came by and they told me you were getting a message and to come back in two hours.
hero goes in and sits down on the toilet, the other sits on the table
other: it was presumptuous of you to come here.
hero: maybe, but we have a history and i need you to tell them i'm okay to go back into the field.
other: you don't seem okay to me at all.
hero: i've just come from some akward situations and i'm a little shaken, but i assure you, in the field that will never be a problem.
other: i'm sorry, there is a reason that they rotate people out of battle situations, they stay in too long, they get
hero: NO you don't understand. i need to go back.
other: ...just like you are right now. sorry.

documentary about conjoined twins
there is commentary but it's of the blah blah blah variety
it's very technical and the speaker is off camera
the visual is close up footage of the surgery
to separate the twins
they were joined fully somewhere-- waist, hip, lower chest
but the closeups kept focusing on the right hand of the larger twin
his hand was embedded in the side of his twin
as though, in utero, developmentally protectively holding

our hero walks through the lanscape
it reminds me of that canyon in california
the one they used for all those westerns
or at least i have the same sense of
"wait, i've been here before"
that i got the first time i drove through it
but our hero's landscape is dry, barren but populated
there's something sort of postman or mad max-ish about the world
that you just can't put your finger on
and why is he travelling on foot
he walks up to a building
there is a pattern on the ground in front of the building
which continues onto the porch
and up to the front of the building
it's a simple structure, like a lodge or a large log cabin
but it is visible from a great distance due to the patterning
which is simple and geometric and achieved with concrete
and clay, and wood-- things readily available
he walks up to the door
on the door is a phrase:

and tonight i shall cook on what i call a real stove
for i am a member

he opens the door
he disappears inside

news footage
somewhere in asia
a child was found
he had wandered off alone
had been at an amusement park
had been knocked unconscious somehow
his hand had fallen into a snowdrift
several of his fingers had been badly frostbitten

i was following our hero now
i was seeing all these things through my own eyes
the lodges were safehouses
the members could communicate with each other
there were always amenities, but they were different
whatever was available in a given area
the members would have it at the lodge house
the colors were different, but the pattern was the same
i didn't know if the color had any significance, or if
it was just based on materials available locally
i saw a man, spoke with him
the tips of his fingers were a lighter color than
the rest of his hand
sitting at a long table
inside one of the lodges
i spoke with an angry asian woman who wanted redress
her child's hand had been damaged
there was some kind of juice in a pitcher on the table
some kind of food was available to all who waited
apparently the lodges served as field courts
my attention was distracted
i was trying to listen to the hero
he had gone into a side room
with someone in a uniform
they had a heated discussion
of which
i couldn't hear
a word

still the dream escapes me but i thought of you when i bought the red orange cardigan-- first clothing purchase of the year

i can't remember my dreams from last night
i know there was something really interesting
that i really wanted to share
but
it all slipped just out of reach
i can feel it, just there
there's a good chance something may trigger it
so
maybe it's not gone completely
so
why am i writing this
i've no dream to recount tale
really
just because i miss you
and i wonder what your days are like
and i wonder
other things
and i just want to talk to you
and i guess
i could make up a dream
but i haven't done that yet
and i'm not going to start now
later today
i will either have remembered the dream
or
maybe i'll have some story to tell

and it's back to the bronx for game 6

man
that was a little bit of a nail biter

everything is more than one thing, apparently

my dreams the last two days have been
kind of a weird mash of stuff

in one someone had given me a truck
a really big red truck
not new
not like an old classic
just a whaddayacallit, late model
i was thinking about how great it was
that they'd given me this truck, even though it was
really too big for me to be comfortable driving
in the dark night, in a semi-deserted parking lot
so i was like kind of happy reverie and alert wary
all at the same time
getting out my keys

in another
i was working, but i guess i was working on my own thing
and there was really a need for deployment
so at some point the other person was like:
can you actually do something useful
so i start to restock
but first i need to clean
and then the boss comes by and tells me i'm not
doing it all fast enough
then i take a break, and i'm talking to this girl
and then her break is over
and one of the guys looks over and taps his watch
and i'm like holy-jebus-WTF i've got three more minutes
then i get off work and i go to try to iron out a problem
i have with this woman who has a shop
she thinks i'm trying to run some scam on her, but i'm not
she is just confused
and finally, to get her to understand how i'm NOT scamming her
i actually have to sort of misrepresent
because she just can't understand the situation
it was really weird

if these are the NEW stress dreams i'm going to get
i'm not liking em

the yankees are depressing me