goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

Have a very complicated dream

I think there was more before this but

I was at some kind of an after-party

I don't think you were there

But your sister was there

Only she was much younger and what completely different so I didn't recognize her

And somebody brought me a bunch of pictures to look at

As your parents at a big like manor house

I downton abbey looking thing

And I'm like I don't understand what I'm looking at what is this mean

And nobody knew

But they seem to think that you wanted me to see these pictures

And everybody kept telling me to for driving lights were a problem

Like that I could not drive at night for some reason

And I'm like okay well then maybe I need a hotel where's a good hotel here

Although I'm not sure we're here was

And your sister in the dream who I'm not sure I knew was your sister in the dream even

She's like oh you can stay with me You can sleep under the sleeper

But I did not know what that meant

I thought it meant she liked me at least but I wasn't even sure of that

But then that didn't happen

And I was driving it wasn't at night

And every time I would stop someplace to get food or whatever people would tell me again how I couldn't drive it night

And I was driving in this nightgown

It was really short and I didn't have any underwear or anything on

Kind of like I have been sleeping

I'm in this big oversized shirt and it's long but it's not super long

So it covers everything that technically needs to be covered but you don't have a lot of wiggle room

And it's super hot here so that's fine

But I was thinking in the dream that if something happened and I got stopped or something that that would maybe be bad so I pulled over in this big field in front of a house not specifically in front of the house and I was opening the doors and looking in the car

I really just wanted to put on some underwear

And I found a pair of underwear but it was covered with like that pollon-y stuff that comes off of oak trees

And I didn't want to put it next to my skin because I was afraid it would irritate me

So then I found this long pink house jacket and I thought well that'll work

But when I started trying to put it on suddenly all these people were around me I was putting grocery bags of food in the car

And these people were looking at groceries that were on a shelf thing that was suddenly right behind me and looking at clothes on a rack

And then they should tell me again how I couldn't drive after dark

And then I was somewhere

Your wife was also there

And I was asking you about the pictures

And you were like

I don't know what diluted realities you have that make you think you saw pictures

I turned to her and say I was at some party that I had thought you were at but I couldn't find you and you wouldn't talk to me and somebody showed me some pictures

And then we slipped away somewhere

And we were walking

And talking

And I had kind of a lucid dream moment

I'm like oh my God this is like all I've ever wanted this conversation we're having right now

And we were trying to figure out

What was our situation

And it was sort of confusing and we didn't know

And I was trying to find out

I was telling you that for years I thought you know we were going to be together

Not like I was your groupie and maybe we'd f*** someday

But like actually be together

But that now I wasn't sure that that was anything you had ever wanted

And I wasn't sure if it was what was best for us anyway

That maybe

You had always ever wanted to stay with your wife

And you had always ever wanted from me something more intangible

And that I had always wanted to chase after you be your wife

But maybe I would really be happier as something more intangible

But I don't think we have time to figure it out at this particular moment

I said

Where will you be tomorrow

And you turned into a beautiful little girl somehow

I don't know maybe eight

With a big beautiful eyes

And long dark curling hair

And you looked up at me

And you said

Okemah, my love

And then you turn back into yourself

And I'm like how are you going to get to okemah by tomorrow

You're like

 it's not going to be easy

And then you turn back into the little girl and twirl away

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

You know I really like these paintings painted by the 13-year-old me

I'm kind of wondering if I wouldn't have been better off not going to art school at all

Like I feel like those paintings that I did when I was 13 or in some way better than what I do now that I know more

Is that crazy?

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

found some paintings from 1980

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

But I did think it was better to be taking an exam that didn't have to be for any kind of credit then to be taking an exam that was lots of stress

And I did think that doing generally well on it and feeling confident enough to go and take it for credit was a good sign

And much different than my normal stress dream which is the one where I'm taking the exam for the class that I haven't been in all semester and don't know what the f*** is going on

So there's that

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

Last night

I dreamed I was sitting for some kind of an exam that were a whole bunch of us

And we were doing it but it wasn't going to count

Or didn't have to count

Or something

And generally I felt like I did pretty well

And we all felt like we did pretty well

So much so that some of us are going to go take it again

At the Astrodome I think so that we could get the credit for it

But during the exam

I kept trying to figure something out

I was like something that Capricorns aren't good at something that Capricorns aren't good at and something to do with the number 4

And I never did figure out what that was about

But I did feel really good generally about how I did on the exam

I know where some other people there that I knew

We used in the dream I knew them

And we were all younger like college age I guess

Then when I was going to leave to go to the Astrodome I ended up catching a ride with this other guy

Who looks just like the guy who was the werewolf from Buffy I can't remember his name now

I don't really know what to make of that

goodnight sweetheart

I love you

very much 💋

i haven't been able to get back to sleep after that dream

i'm not going today

i've had a shower and coffee

and

i feel like i haven't slept at all

i'm going to try to go back to sleep

i'm super hungry all of a sudden

or

maybe i'm nauseated

i'm not sure

those things should feel different

 i dreamed i was traveling

along some coastline

revisiting places i knew from my youth

disposing of long kept detritus

and you were somehow also traveling that coastline

and i kept hoping we would meet

somehow get together

but

every time we were in the same place

you chose to go somewhere different

watching me from afar sometimes

and judging me

not favorably

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

I wanted to show you this picture

but

I don't think I had a copy in my things

when I showed you stuff before

if I did

oh well

I love you very much sweetheart 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

I forgot to say

goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much 💋

when I went to bed at 9

 now I'm up to pee

so

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart

I love you

very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

I love you very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart

I love you

very much 💋

goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋