i'm having some trouble writing that piece

mostly because
I thought of several
really nice ways to remove the pearls
but
they might still sound violent to you
also
it kind of defeats the process
if they are just removed
I think I have to know what they are
and
I don't really know what all my
problems are
and
I, to be honest, don't want to
not right this minute
have a dredging of my soul
not because I don't love you enough
but
because
I'm more in the mood to be happy
I'm not
I'm on a kind of weird emotional roller coaster
I need to get out of the place I work
I hate to look for jobs
plus
I don't really want a job
I got other shit I want to be doing
I got money concerns
health concerns
I don't feel at all confident
that I even know what's real and what's
metaphor
I want to be saved
and that makes me a little angry
I feel like my emotions
are a little out of my control


but maybe
maybe what I can do
is write like a draft
better yet
I'm wanting to write 3rd person
I have this really clear bit in my head
but it's more description and less letter
ok
ill do that
coming up