i have this thing

I'm not sure what you'd call it
duh, idea I guess
that I had in a story I was trying to write
years ago
and the story didn't work
it was stupid
all like heathcliff and tower windows
blah blah
but
I've been having trouble with my
jungle training
because I stubbornly want it to be ahuyahuasca (sp)
and so the level of self awareness
that the plant teachers
would have of my flaws
and how they would fix me
well
that's hard to write
and work has been sucking
the juice from my flexors
that connect me to the
well
what i call god
and
I don't have any weed
haven't for like almost a year now
but
I digress
the idea
instead of the things
being like landmines
or scars
they are like bits
shrapnel, maybe
and over the years
your body builds nacre around them
and they become these big
 bloody colored
 pearls
which initially makes them less painful
but as the nacre builds up
they become painful


in most incarnations of this
I'm like digging them out of my flesh
which I like
but
I'm thinking
about some magical realism-y way
to remove them
so
hopefully
tomorrow
I will have another clementine-Rodrigo letter