in case you've never heard michael wex

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHv0bHWBuJA&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzR4IqwojTY

rabbi akiva @crackerbarrel redux

it's not that i'm more learned
it's just
that
what i've got seems
all current event-y

i was on the road
i stopped

now
i like cracker barrel
it reminds me of places
the little country places
my mom and i would stop when driving back to her parent's house
where you'd sit down and they'd bring you a basket of biscuits
before you even ordered
with butter
and honey
and
you could buy jerky
and quarts of milk with cream rising to the top

cracker barrel reminds me of stuckey's
with it's jarring orange-ness
and it's kitschy crap and candy

spliced
with those beloved country food memories

somehow
it works

or at least
it had until now


i was on the road
and there just isn't that much
i can eat, anymore, at the ol' cb
but i stopped
in louisiana
for the coffee
and
just for the record
no louisiana coffee for cb
just whatever they serve wherever

whatever

but i took in my book
i'm reading three
but i just took in one:
entering jewish prayer
cause i'm trying to understand what it's all about

now
i don't know if this is pertinent or not
but, in the spirit of full disclosure
i had just been listening to
just say nu
in the car
more because i love michael wex' voice
than for any real yiddishkeit
but
whatever
i think i'm somewhere between a pisher
and an alter cocker
when i walk into the ol' cb

and, i mean, i've bought cds there
i count on them to have classic country
or
at least
something good enough to be background noise

but
what they lacked in coffee
they apparently planned to make up for with
christian music

not gospel
not bluegrass
not oh brother where art thou
just big honkin no musically redeeming value christian music

so i'm looking at my three menus
trying to find something i feel okay about eating

and i ended up getting a fish sandwich
and then that felt weird
cause it was friday
and it was like i was encouraging them

so then
while i'm waiting for my food to come
drinking my coffee
trying to get
over the fact
that i got four hours sleep the night before
wishing i could have gotten by
on my
fresh strawberries
saviseed, chocolate maca, & sprouted buckwheat granola
and papaya, guava, & oat bran dehydrator cookies
feeling like everybody in the joint is staring at me
probably
because i look like a female version
of the guy from the unbelievable truth

and then
rabbi akiva said:

study is more important than performance

and
i thought i might be okay, afterall

if only i could remember and describe the dreams i've had in the last few days

i don't know if they mean anything
but
they certainly have been
packed with stuff

astronauts
bodies of water
multiple perspectives
stuff
stuff
stuff

and
strangely
last night
or, more accurately
this morning

someone ordering coffee
with two eggs
and
coconut
but
like
in the drink, like:

grande
two egg
coconut
latte

and the barista said:

i don't care how weird your drink is
just
get the
calling order
right


what do you think
that
means

i went up to the attic, put on my blue silk shirt

stuff

i don't feel like me
maybe i'm getting sick
maybe i'm having an identity crisis
maybe it's that i've hardly spoken to you
for like ten days

whatever the reason

i feel weird

scatter-brained

i had the beginning germ of a story
in my mind
i was excited at the prospect of writing it for you
and then it just vanishes from my head

i think i'm sleep deprived
and i've had bad dreams
and i drove on i-35
and nothing blew up
but it was a toll road

i asked god for a revelation
and i just felt like i was separated from myself
in another dimension

i feel like i was gone for an eternity
and it wasn't even very long


i miss you intensely

i don't think i'm me anymore
if i'm not talking to you

it's not that i didn't want to finish that post....

although
all the stuff the title might have
made you imagine
might be more exciting than
the original thought

i might
when i've read more
have to write a story

i've been on the road
and
have not had internet
don't have consistent internet now

i worry
that if you don't hear from me
you think
i've quit you
or am injured
or something
though
maybe that isn't the case

but
my new cards
they say
you aren't worried
not at all
like
that you're really really happy

in some new level of happiness

so
i hope they're right

i love you
and i've been thinking about you constantly
even if i've been quiet

rabbi akiva @ the cracker barrel

tonight, beloved, it is your legs

and
in particular
your gait

so very

rue full

no beast of burden you

and on the ship she read i will fear no evil

lounging on deck chairs
letting me go where i would
staring at the running water
contemplating shuffleboard
the swimming pools were all filled
with water from the sea
which burned my eyes
and deterred swimming
i entertained myself

until
someone from the crew
propositioned my mother

at which point
she decided i was not safe
i was nine
and without breasts
but

suddenly

my vacation was cut short

she attached herself
to a married couple with a son
more or less my age

i didn't like him, particularly

my days became
endless ping pong

my evenings
evil under the sun
murder by death
until i rejoined my mother
for exquisite meals
and
what i knew even then
were bad floor shows

he seemed to like me
marginally more than i liked him
and it may have been a form of rudimentary flirting
or it might have been something else

but he was continually and forever
calling me:
moose

which i hated
volubly

until
he just said it one time too many

at which point
i walked up to him
grabbed a big bunch of shirt
and pulled him to attention:

if you call me moose
one more time
i'm gonna beat the crap out of you

after that
she seemed to have time for me
mysteriously
again

i love you