good morning sweetheart
it's been a crazy morning already
hope yours is splendorific

I did a lot of laundry today
I feel like I haven't done more than
emergency laundry
for like two months
and
I'm not gonna lie
there's still laundry to be done
I've acquired more clothes
in the last couple of years
than I've probably ever had before
mostly thrifting
or sort of thrifting
eBay, poshmark
but
some clearance shopping too
I've been trying to figure out
what is my style now
and
I'm still not sure
but
probably
I'll have to sell
or trade
or donate
some of these clothes
if I can figure out who I am now
I feel like
my face looks fatter
but
some of these pants
seem too big
sloppy
and
they didn't seem that way when I got em
so
I'm not really sure what's going on


I love you sweetheart
I'm going to bed now


can you believe 2018 is almost over
24 months of Tr*~p
and none of that stuff happened
but some other stuff has
(sorry, I don't want to have people find this with his name-- not trying to get that)
can't believe it's still going on
hope it's half over
at least




I thought about getting champagne for new year's eve
but
I think I'm just gonna do margaritas
I like em better
and
I'm not sure what I'm toasting


I'm hoping
things will get better, though
I want things to get better


I haven't been on master class
and they're nagging me on email
I don't like it


not as much as I dislike
eBay or detox market
sending me emails about things
at which I have simply looked
but not
I repeat not
even put in my cart
I looked it it
decided I wasn't interested
never put it on a wish list or watched it
or anything
and then
I get an email that it's ending soon
or almost out of stock
or waiting for me
I really hate
pushy bots

fell asleep in chair
margarita melted
😢
I love you sweetheart

I love you sweetheart
I'm going to bed now
I really should not go down internet rabbit holes and stay up late
I didn't even watch masterclass

i went to dinner with my mom
probably not gonna get to mamet
i am going to watch at least one lesson with
margaret atwood
because it's like a bedtime story
i've been missing it all day
that thing she does with her face
it looks kinda like she's laughing
but there is a little irony
and maybe
just a little
wicked glee

it's kind of addictive

anyway
my mother is reading
i can't remember what she called it
real
not genre fiction (i think)
i'm like
you mean like literary fiction
yes
she says

and
i think
she says
you could write that
with the way you string your words together
but
i say
that is what i have always wanted to write
and you always said that was bad and i should write bestsellers

well
apparently
she has discovered that you win money for literary prizes
and now
you will never believe this

i'm expected to win the nobel prize for literature
uh huh
i mean, it's like a lifetime award
i'm two weeks shy of 52 and i've had nothing published
managed expectations, jeez

anyway
whatever


i love you sweetheart

ok
so 5 lessons of Atwood (well, really 6 because I watched one out of order)
5 chapters of Dan Brown
next
I think I'll watch 5 lessons of David Mamet
but
tomorrow
now I gotta go to bed


I love you sweetheart

dan brown

1) give the reader what they want
in a way they don't see coming


2) what is the world my story inhabits


3) what is this book about


4) what is the moral ambiguity question that is central to the story


5) what is the tension inherent to the world


6) what happens is not important HOW is


[I'm not sure I agree with these points completely, but they are different from what my focus has been]


7) location is a character &/or an inspiration
8) but don't get all tied up in location because people care more about people than places
[this seems like not something I needed to know at all]
9) heroes & villains [I don't think I have a villain and he thinks that's the most important] villain is the catalyst for everything-- I guess that makes you the villain of my thriller 😊

I've watched 6 lessons
I am enjoying it
it's not, so far, telling me
anything I don't know


so
I'm also now watching Dan Brown
I don't think he's a particularly good writer
but
I think some of the problems
I've had with structuring
might be helped
by information
on structuring a thriller
maybe not
but
I have all access
so nothing to lose
yay
but
I really need to go to bed
so
not too many lessons

i did something i'm kinda excited about

you know that masterclass thing
well
i keep looking at it
and i keep saying:  nah, it's too expensive
cause i think it was $90 a class or something
and
i just didn't see a class i needed, ya know
anyway
then on facebook i got an ad in my feed
and it had this video

and

i was like

ok, ya got me. i might need this

and then i read further and found out

special christmas special--

buy one complete access to all their courses for a year $180, and

get one free to give as a gift

ok

i'm not sure how i could be expected to pass that up

i'm gonna give the gift one to my mom

today is the last day

and

they have serena teaching tennis, just sayin

but

i think the universewas tellin me it was time

I stayed up late
and when I woke up
I had a bad headache
so I set the alarm for an hour later
and went back to bed
but
I slept through that alarm
so I'm up now
still with a headache
but
I had a bad dream too


I dreamed
this guy was looking for these old
computer programming books
and YAY we had them
but them he was mad we sell them as a set
and they weren't discounted enough
these had old bookstop stickers on them
you knew I worked there, right
so they were discounted
10% or 15%
whatever it was
I don't remember
maybe it was more
maybe it was 20% and bestsellers were 30%
whatever
he felt like they shoulda been less
and the stickers were all faded
so
I was having trouble
looking them up
to tell him the price


he kept trying to explain
what these books were about
and context and history
but
I didn't care
I was just trying to get him outta there
I had shit to do


he could get it cheaper at Costco
he said
then buy it at Costco
I said
they don't have it
he said
I don't set the prices
I said
they are a discount club
we are a store
it's not the same situation


and it was that awkward point
where we want to leave
and there's nothing else to say
but
it feels rude to walk away
because of there expectant body language
but then
if you stay
that just makes them think
there's a chance
and they double down


and people had taken back
cases and cases of wines
but they had just put them
like, wherever
the shelving
which looked so much better than what I actually have
had milk crates (I guess we had to get Starbucks in there somehow)
filled with wine bottles
on their sided
filled with whole cases
or mixed cases
just sitting on whatever shelf had space for it
regardless of whether
that made any sense


and
I was debating whether I should move the two racks closer together
because the Christmas stuff between them sold
but
I was going to have to do a new set for new years
that would only be up a week


honestly
I kinda wish I hadn't gone back to bed


also
my auto correct is doing bizarre stuff
it changes would to soul
which it's been doing for a while
but I think there were a bunch of new ones here
I tried to catch them
but
I prolly didn't and I'm not checking this now
so
sorry if there's somethin crazy
hopefully
context wins out


love you sweetheart

look at this

ok
I had fallen asleep in the chair
pretty seriously
because it was 3 when I woke up and went to bed
but
now I am up


ouch


I'm sorry
I know that's not sexy
and maybe
what I'm supposed to be is sexy
I don't know what to do about that


I love you
more later
after coffee

I decided
I'm not going in early
9hrs is enough
we'll already be open
I won't get my stuff done
I'll just work longer
it's not worth it


and
you will hear from me tomorrow
just not everybody else


I hurt physically
even though I took the 2hr bath
and
I am full of snot
I'm not a pretty picture
I just got out of bed
and
I already want margaritas


one
more
day

goodnight sweetheart
I'm going to bed
I've been falling asleep in the chair
all day
except when I took the two hour bath
I can't keep my eyes open
I guess I'm going in early
but
he has me scheduled
9-6
already
and
I can't do more than 10hrs
I used to could
but now no
so
I guess I'm going at 8
and we open at 7
so I'm not sure if there's any point
but
there was 40% off minis sale today
and i expect it to be tore up pretty bad


and
I haven't made any sort of plans
with my mother
so
imma have to call her
I can not deal
cannot have dinner with her tomorrow
as is our tradition
and
Xmas is for me
no going anywhere
no friends
no family
just rest
so
I don't know how that's all gonna pan out
I got her a set of dishes
she rarely likes what I get her
but
I think
she's gonna like these
I hope


I will see you in the morning
I love you

ok
well
I think I said no more than 3 hours of work
and it was 4
so
that's pretty good for me
did I tell you I got up at 3
it's absolutely beautiful weather
sunny
breezy
about 60 degrees
and it's early
I should go fo something outside
but
probably
not


love you
hope it's pretty where you are

ok
I got up at 3
so I wouldn't be 7 minutes late
which I was again yesterday
and
I'm about to leave for work
it opens at 8 now
because
I guess
people love to get up at the
butt crack of dawn
to shop
so
two uninterrupted hours
and then
they can't buy alcohol
and I'm not technically working
so hopefully
I cannot be expected to run a register
and
I have no set time
so
when I'm done
I'm done
and
almost all the wine is out
it's just messy
so
hopefully no more than three hours

I hope you're doing well
I'm so so tired
but
what do we say


three
more
days


I love you sweetheart

I should have gone to bed
an hour ago
but
I just had a bunch of fun
I looked on juvia's place
online
I bought the ones I have at ulta
but
online at juvia's place
they're having an end of year sale
50% off
so an eyeshadow palette
that would normally be $40
but at jp is normally $20
is now $10
so I bought more
I may end up depotting them
and just putting
the few I actually use in some kind of palette
although
idk
I might not be able to pull that off
w/o destroying everything
I am very excited
hopefully
they are great
but
the ones I have are really really good
and, anyway


three more days
daze


gotta go to bed
sleep fast
going in at 7 again


love you very much sweetheart
goodnight

the margaritas are coming fast and furious
but
I'm still falling asleep in the chair
I've gotta sleep fast
and get up
at like 4:30
because I'm going in early
to try to get some work done
before the full shift of register
or
maybe it won't be a full shift
more people are scheduled
and
probably no more that 50 cases
coming in
and
he didn't schedule me to work Sunday
which is like a minor miracle
since it is right before Xmas
but
I'm going in
hella early
to get stuff restocked
and
upstocked
and
less looking like a bomb went off 💣
but
I won't have to work a full day register shift
I'm lucky I can still get around 🍀
I'm not doin as well as I feel I should be
but
I'm not taking any supplements either
so
ya know
I'm slow and ache-y when au naturale


anyway
off to bed
I love you sweetheart
four
more
days

good morning sweetheart
I'm running a little rushed
I over slept a bit
good thing there's a hungry kitty
to act as backup alarm clock
have a good day
5 more days