things and stuff

I think I'm actively avoiding my mom now
she's wanting to help me
I told her
look
if you really want to help me
I need a job where I can
periodically
pretty frequently
take a month
go to the desert


she
came back with this
working at a church
with all the organizational stuff


ackkkkk


well, it gets three weeks off a year
and you'd love doing all that stuff


ok, three weeks off
not together
is not a month off even once
I hate human wrangling
and
I'd have to deal with Christians
I hate Christians


wouldn't they want someone
Christian
they did mention they wanted
someone religious
not Christian


ok, but I'm not religious


but you believe in god
ok, but not religion


but
it makes 40,000 a year


right, well, that is the magic number, huh
but
I want less responsibility
I want less job
not more job
the money isn't worth it


well, what have you gotten accomplished
you've invested a lot
in this time you're spending
what do you have to show for it


that's not really what I'm saying
at all


I have this overwhelming desire
to go to marfa
for a month
I know
something good would come of it


I hate my mother
I'm sorry
I know that might be insensitive
but I do

i love you

hope your day is good
i feel like i need a margarita
but
i probably won't have one
probably having brown rice
cooked in bone broth
with
steamed broccoli
probably