really different dreams

i dream, sometimes, about driving, or walking
through neighborhoods that i know, in the dream
but which do not correspond to actual waking places
and last night i was doing that, driving, then walking
through a neighborhood that was too good for me
by which i mean i could never afford to live there
but this time
i had an easel i was carrying
i was walking and stopping and painting
trees, mostly
but some archways and courtyards and such
i found this great view
i was painting happily
but i seemed to be partially in some one's kitchen
there were these men
and i wasn't really listening to them
wasn't involved in whatever it was they were doing in the kitchen
cooking or just hanging out and drinking, i think that was it
but one of them came over
and asked me to leave

i was kind of offended, but i did leave

then i walked some more
and i came to this pavilion kind of thing
there was a woman there who looked like someone
someone i should recognize (i.e. from television)
maybe a little like the woman who wasn't grace from will and grace
but not her, but like that, small nose, regular features
brown hair, blue eyes, nothing out of the ordinary
in fact, quite the opposite
someone rendered pretty by her very regularity
she was, she told me, a face model
an eye, a nose, an ear, a mouth, rarely all together
and she asked me:
what shape is your face dear, diamond
and i said, well, i would have said round, but maybe
and she said maybe i could be a hair model, but for sure
i needed to apply then and there to be a hand model
so i did
i had to write my information on a plastic sleeve
like a work order jacket
which i didn't understand at first
and i wrote on the guide form behind the plastic
the place was chanel no. 2
which doesn't exist (though 22 does)
and i've never worn chanel except cristalle briefly in the 70s
and it seemed certain that i would get the job, certain

why, if i'm referencing chanel, why not no. 5
surely that has significance
why the freaky application
and hand modelling
that is fairly loaded
i mean i like my hands now
but i used to think they were freakish
you would never notice
no one notices, ever
but i was born without some tendon in my ring fingers
so they don't (for all effects and purposes) have the final knuckle
i mean, it's there but it doesn't work
and so it isn't wrinkly
it made guitar very difficult
and i'm sure, if i boxed, it would get jammed
but for everyday life
not a big deal
except that, of course, it was a huge deal from like 11-13
and too, i never thought my hands looked grown
i always thought they looked like a little girl
so i guess, what i'm saying is:
i'm kinda surprised about the hand model thing
and i think it has to mean something, represent something

and why a bunch of men in the kitchen
and why kicking me out
and how did i end up there anyway, painting my trees