i'm not much of a morning person

I tend to wander around
in a fog
for quite a while
but
I wish
today
I could stay in bed with you
drinking coffee
listening to music
or something
easing into the day


I love you sweetheart

i wish

you and I
were
somewhere cozy
under covers, maybe
somewhere with a chill in the air


I'm not even thinking
particularly
about
ya know
but
about
nearness
and
touching
and full body hugs

very strange things

last night
it was like I was being abducted by space aliens
I was trying to research fermented skin care
so I was watching YouTube
and
I kept nodding off I guess
but
I didn't have any awareness
of the nodding off
just
losing time
I'd be watching a vid on serums
and I have the AutoPlay enabled
so I'd wake up to eye creams
but not realized I'd been asleep
it was very disorienting


then I dreamed
this giant map
that had many small salient facts
from the life of my grand parents
with some heritage society type
explaining it all to me


and then
I dreamed about the freeway
I haven't dreamed about the freeway
for idk how long
there was a new on ramp
which was going to make
everything better
but
as I reached the top
I wasn't sure
whether to go left or right
and it was so high up
I clung to the freeway
feeling like i might fall away
to the left
there was a multi car pile-up
to the right
it stretched out
forever
without any exit in sight
and
I panicked
that is not
an experience
I usually have on the freeway

i had forgotten, but i remembered

last night
or this morning more likely
i dreamed
i was working for starbucks
and they were redoing all the stores
to look like mid-century modern ski chalets
with wooded outdoor seating in the back
and the one i was at
we were doing up the back
with christmas trees
and fake snow
that was kinda like fluffy glitter
and
we made a snow road
up the middle
and someone
was riding a motorcycle
down the middle of the glittery snow road
why
i don't know


i sleep late
i stay up late
i can't seem to help myself
i really wanna be a night person
headache all day
plus
thinkin about the hurricanes
global warming doesn't cause them
but it does make them worse
so
hurricanes
and forest fires
and earthquakes
and asteroids
it's a good thing i am not the type to obsess about disaster

goodnight sweetheart
or
probably
good morning when you read this
i gotta go sleep fast
gotta be up in four hours

goodnight sweetheart

I fell asleep
kinda slumped over in my chair
gotta go to bed

i don't think you have access to bluebell ice cream

however
if you are ever anywhere
where they do sell it
banana pudding
is really really good


I did not have high hopes
but
I was curious
I don't like fake banana flavour
as a rule
and
I don't know if it was just fresh bananas
or what
but
yum

goodnight sweetheart

I'm going to bed
I love you

i worked yesterday

changing prices
for the new promo set
so I'm off today
but I stayed up super late
and then had no particular reason
to get up
with headache
and
my whole body still aches
I assume from the stress
and immobility
of the whole crisis
and then
I went back
and didn't stretch first
and had really bad
muscle cramping
for two days
I was doing a lot of bending
and toting
for the promo change
which Sunday got me over
but
still ache
seemed like I almost
couldn't move
yesterday
I woke up
and said
wow, I don't want to jinx it
but
I almost feel good
because
I could stretch
wasn't rigid


but
today
I was lying in the bed
with the fan blowing on me
and it was so comfortable
I said
what do I really need to get up for 

hurricanes wander

i was going to start with hurricane rita
but
that doesn't zoom out far enough

hurricanes
are major weather events
not unlike tornadoes
but the time scope is different

the secret is
that it is different
but
maybe not as different as it should be
more on that, later

if you live in the third coast area
you know about hurricanes
from a little kid
every year
you get the tracking charts
which are probably just on computer now
but when i was a kid
they were on the paper grocery bags
ya buyin food?
you have the hurricane scorecard

because these things happen all the time
in hurricane season
and ya gotta watch em
but ya can't get too stressed about em
because they usually don't happen

so
you're tracking
danger is immanent
again and again
until you learn
back brain awareness
front brain nonchalance

i have hurricane supplies
i check and update at the beginning of hurricane season
so
then all i need is water
and i have containers i can fill
i might go to the store to pick something up
but i don't ever really really need to
understand?!
i am prepared

now
i'm not prepared to evacuate
more on that, later


so
the hurricane wanders
you don't know where they are going to go
you have predicted pathways
but
that doesn't mean shit

the rule is that you evaculate if it's comin right at ya
but
that doesn't even always mean shit
because why
because hurricanes wander
for example, rita
it was supposed to be comin right at us
and they called for an evacuation
because they were gunshy from katrina
we are like seventy miles from the coast
it's never comin right at us

that's the major reason i never moved to galveston
those people get wiped off the map
well, not galveston
they learned from the 1900 storm and built up
but
a little town without a giant seawall
they get wiped off the map

by the time a hurricane has traveled seventy miles
over land
it's calmed down a little
they'll be damage
but
it's more like rippin your roof off
that razing the house

but
i was talkin about rita
i couldn't evaculate
i had to work late getting everyone else out
and besides i didn't have a place to go
and blah blah
i never really considered it
(see above)
so i parked my car several floors up
in the evacuation abandoned
covered parking garage
across the street
from my apartment
which had an underground parking lot
i taped the windows
i tried to keep in touch with all my people

they got in their cars
they tried to leave
they all got stranded on the highway
out of gas
sitting out
exposed
unsafe
more than a hundred deaths
from the evacuation

the hurricane
it wandered
it veered off and hit port arthur
who wasn't expecting it
and many people suffered

for me
nothing much happened
for all my people who tried to evacuate
a nightmare of semi-epic proportions


hurricane harvey
he was a little bit of unstable tropical depression
he went over the yucatan peninsula
losing form
then
he entered the gulf
reforming
after a little while
he was a full-fledged tropical storm
and they weren't sure if he was going to be
anything more than that
but then
he powered up
that was when i got a little concerned
it was too fast

every time you checked
they had some new
totally wack scenario for where he was headed
because
say it with me
hurricanes wander

so
when he finally hit land
it was rockport almost 200 miles away
and then it traveled north
the hurricane never hit us
we were on the dirty side of the storm
and it was a big storm
and it barely moved
so the bands just kept pulling up moisture from the gulf
and dumping rain

it was downgraded to a tropical storm
and it wandered
we got a lot of rain

it was scary
it was dangerous
it was like alison on steroids
for days

i've had a couple moments

in dreams
that I thought were you


I had
a couple days ago
this very involved dream
and then
like inserted in
there was this Mexican street scene
I was watching from the balcony
and
this horse walked up to me
he was walking on the street
but
his head and neck
just came over the railing
and not like he was giant
just
some sort of dream physics
and then
as he was walking away
obviously
it was people in a horse suit


the other
was last night
it was two little girls
with this dainty
cupcake
with candy on top
sitting across the table from one another
but
like
at a coffee height table
and
what the one
was saying
to the other
was
I adore you