i love you

I am having a strange tension
mild anxiety thing
going on
I hope you are ok

beauty

remember that guy
who irritated me
he would try to compliment me
with things that weren't true
and i said
I don't care if he is gay
he needs to stop looking at my ass
remember him?
well
I really like him now
he's the one who made me the wig
so we've been friendly a while now
but
we have conversations, sometimes
about the confining nature
of gender expectations
and, really, I think that was part of what made him stop saying to me what all women want to hear, but I do not
but
also
he's watched me
through my makeup journey
and
Michelle at work is doing the whole
YouTube watching
makeup journey too
and I brought her a blending brush
I got in my ipsy
because she was having trouble
finding a brush to do what she wanted


we'll call him D
was impressed
and may or may not
have called me a makeup diva
and it didn't even bother me


but
he wants to wear makeup
but
he also doesn't want to
it's a difficult thing
the whole gender expression issue
but
lately he's been leaning toward
and I personally don't think it is at all a binary
but today
I bought eye shadow for a man
which I'm pretty sure I've never done before
but I saw this beautiful quad
except it's actually a quint
but that sounds weird
with a beautiful peacock blue
and he's dark
so it's not like it would be bright
but I texted him to tell him
I just bought you an inappropriate gift


I think maybe that all tells you
something about how I am
that you might not know


hope everything's great with you
I promise not to buy you makeup
unless you want me to
:)

i slept most of today

I'm going in at midnight
promo change
I got a lot done earlier
so I'm just really changing one big area
and I've got the product already
then
signage
Wednesday
so
hope your holiday is good
I love you